Son and pregnant girlfriend.

[Thedogscollar]

Looking for advice please. My 20 yr old son has just told me his gf that he moved in with in Sept is pregnant.
He has just started a course at college this Sept she finishes uni next June.
They live in a flat share atm. They are coming for Xmas and tbh I'm not happy at their news. I am worried about the pressure they are putting on themselves at such a young age. Neither of them work as in full time education and when her studies have finished her student finance will too.
They want to keep the baby and that is totally their decision to make. I just feel they don't really know what they are letting themselves in for.
I want to let them know how I feel without sounding like a horrible person. I obviously will support them as much as I can but at this point in their lives I can't see this pregnancy as something to be pleased about.
Just a bit of background. We have had quite a few years from 15 to 19 where son really went off the rails drugs etc. He has improved a lot in the last year but I think still has a lot of maturing to do. His gf is 22 we have only met her 3 times when she has been over for dinner she seems a nice girl but I'm just so concerned for them both and want them to realise my feelings are coming from love and concern.
Any advice on breaching the subject in a non confrontational way, I would be so grateful.
Thank you for reading this.

Stop judging OP.
If you want to alienate then yes, carry on regardless. Your 'feelings', are immaterial. Your 'thoughts', the same. They are adults who have made a decision and your role is to support them in that decision. I
f you go down the judgemental route then you'll find that your relationship with your child will totally tank.
Speaking from experience.

It is hard having a baby at any age and this will be a challenge, but a lovely one. Try to be there for them and letting them know you’re upset etc will not help matters one bit. Vent to a friend if need be, but not your ds. They need love and support, not condemnation.

Gosh I would be very concerned and disappointed too but never voice it. They will always remember it if you do. If they were undecided whether to have it or not then maybe, just maybe venture your opinion but they have decided to keep so please just be positive. Your son needs you to be nice to him as he might be nervous. Don't let your opinion bubble out, I know if find it very difficult though.

your role is to support them in that decision

Well... sort of. So long as you're not expected to parent their child for them, house them or provide significant financial support or unpaid childcare.

So it's not unreasonable to probe gently as to whether they have a plan for all these things. They can't have the baby and then try to offload the response onto other people. So they need to look into available financial support and think about how things are going to work practically.

I'm not surprised you weren't cracking open the champagne OP, the situation is far from ideal. As a parent I would feel obliged to give financial/practical support, even though I would probably resent it. The girlfriend will be due before/around her final exams, living in a flat share, with a not long ago drug addict father who doesn't have a job.
Smile, nod your head and say the right things, but make them aware in a nice way that they will have to stand on their own feet.

My son went to uni in a different country, I went to visit him for his 21st birthday when he surprised me by saying his girlfriend was 6 months pregnant. We had no idea how things would work out, he was in his 3rd year of a 4 year degree and I did strongly encourage him to finish his degree as he had thought of leaving uni to get a job to pay for things. His partner worked until she had the baby
It was tricky as neither set of parents lived in the same country as the couple but we offered emotional support and we helped a fair bit with buying baby things. Our beautiful granddaughter arrived just as he started his 4th and final year, he graduated and got a good job, we have been able to gift them a deposit so they can buy their house.
5 years on they are still together and now have another beautiful daughter together
My sons partner told me that her mother had said things to her that she will never forget or forgive.
I do wish you and your family joy, I hope it all works out as well for you all x