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Original poster

Who hasn't spent a night apart from their child/ren?

91 replies

PiccadillyCircus · 15/08/2005 21:19

DS is nearly 21 months and I haven't yet spent the nigth away from him. As his brother or sister is due in the next month, I don't think this will be the case for long.

DH and I have kept meaning to get around to spending a night together somewhere without DS, but somehow it hasn't happened and I don't think it will now for quite a while.

I think I'm feeling a bit guilty about how DS will be when I'm not there to be honest - hopefully he will be fine and so will I.

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Bozza · 15/08/2005 21:41

Hulababy I do agree that having your parents sleeping over is a great arrangement but unfortunately neither my parents or ILs have been up for this kind of arrangement even though they live 1.5/1 hour away. This means its quite a nuisance if we want to go out locally. DS (4) has stayed with both sets of grandparents several times and particularly my in-laws who like to have him for a night every few weeks. Unfortunately since they won't also have DD it doesn't give me and DH the chance for a lie-in/night out. Having said that my MIL had DD (15 months) overnight when DS had to have an operation a couple of weeks ago. But I had to take the afternoon off work to take her there and then DH had to go get her while DS was in theatre. So that has been DD's one night away. DS also has sleepovers with a friend - one of which was enforced by DH and I being in A&E with DD. So was quite a good thing that he was comfortable to go there.

bee3 · 15/08/2005 21:43

I've left ds twice, but both times at home with my dh, so they don't really count (once to stay with my two sisters and friends for a rented cottage boozy weekend, and the other time to go to a friend's wedding).

On Thursday my PIL are coming to stay for a few days, and for our first anniversary present dh has booked us into a lovely hotel that we used to frequent pre-ds. We're just going for 1 night, leaving ds at our home with PIL (he's 18 months). It's the first time we've both left him, and to be honest I'm dreading it. Loving the thought of a night away, and really loving the thought of having a lie-in together, but I'm already making frantic mental lists of all the things I need to tell my MIL before we go. Very nervous. I do know rationally that ds loves his granny (although we don't see them that often - they live 300 miles away) and he will probably have a fantastic time, and he'll be here inhis own house, which makes it easier. Will just have to wait and see.

motherinferior · 15/08/2005 21:44

TC, I didn't spend a night away from DD1 for about 26 months simply because we had noone to leave her with. I went to a conference for work and left her with her dad at that age. I've gone away from both of them since then - leaving them with their dad - for one weekend, I think; and dd1 has stayed the night with her best mate and - when I was having dd2 - with her lovely childminder. But that's why some of us don't leave our kids - be lovely to, but nobody to take them!

It's also why I always shock everyone on those 'would you let your five year old go on a sleepover' by pointing out DD1 went on one at two...

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Bozza · 15/08/2005 21:48

LOL MI. DS is 4 and has been on 3 sleepovers. But his friend has only been here once. So since DS is going again next Wednesday night because he is finishing nursery this week but not starting school until Sept and I can't have time off next week I have asked friend to sleep this weekend.

jamiesam · 15/08/2005 21:49

bee3 - write it all down. I have my original 'instructions for Jamie' on computer - three pages of close typed text, it's a scream, includes instructions how to get him downstairs at 22mths (fgs!)

bee3 · 15/08/2005 21:55

LOL jamiesam - I had already thought about writing instructions, but know that I'll have to edit them because MIL will think I'm a completely anally-retentive, neurotic nightmare if I actually write everything I'm thinking of....

wordsmith · 15/08/2005 22:01

We haven't both spent a night away from DS2 at the same time, can't think of anyone who'll have both the kids overnight (parents are too old).

Spend several nights away from DS1 before we had DS2. Only one night at a time tho.

As soon as I can find someone willing to take both of them on, we're off. Agree with Thomcat, it's healthy for DW & DH, and kids usually have a ball.

I spent a night away from both of them when DS2 was a few months old, having a girlie weekend at a health farm. The copious lists and instructions I had to write before I went, and the phone calls I had to field from DH while I was away, somewhat tainted the experience though.

motherinferior · 15/08/2005 22:03

Am currently planning my next weekend away.

But I have absolutely no idea when DP and I can go away together without them. Really, I haven't.

basketcase · 15/08/2005 22:06

Other than when DD2 was born, never had a night apart. DD1 is now 4. Just can?t do it - and tbh not that fussed about it as I don?t feel we miss out at all. We have days out without them and went one whole day and back really late and hated it - just wanted to be the one to give them their goodnight kisses and tuck them in.

Thomcat · 15/08/2005 22:11

I know it's often aften a case of not being able to leave them as no-on to have them, and if you are breastfeeding it would be tricky if they wouldn't take expressed milk from teh bottle. I know I'm lucky in both of thise cases. I just feel it's a bit of a shame (and I mean that in the nicest way possible) when parents don't grab the opportunity to have a good night out together and some child free lie in time together in the morning. some people seem guilty and I don't think they should, I think it's healthy for everyone involved, but that's just me. I'd ahve gone off my head b y now if I didn't have some big nights out with D, get in at 5 and sleep till gone midday, or even just have a meal out locally together, get home early and have a proper long lie in. As I said though, that'sm just me.

Caroline5 · 15/08/2005 22:11

I didn't spend a night away from my kids until dd1 was 5 1/2 and dd2 was 3, apart from when having dd2 and I don't think that counts!! We basically had no one to leave them with, no local family or obliging friends! I finally went to a friend's wedding a long way away, but h managed to get drunk in charge of the children and was sick. He still hadn't got up the following morning by 10am, sick still on floor, children left wandering about. (We are no longer together!) Not much chance of me going anywhere now!

motherinferior · 15/08/2005 22:12

Oh babes, I'd grab that with both hands and feet if I had the chance, believe me!

NoPearls · 15/08/2005 22:12

No - never in 4.5 years. Two sets of grandparents within 10 miles, inlaws have the SILs 2 children every weekend and most days during the holidays. Think we've been out 8 times in the evening together since DD was born. Ho hum!

Thomcat · 15/08/2005 22:13

I know you would MI, I know

tatler · 15/08/2005 22:46

Mine are 4 and 2 and have not spent a night away from then since they were born.
Dh and I have not had time on our own ethier.
I am a sahm and have had the children 24/7 with no family help.
I try to get out with them but do not drive so am limited.
It can be very difficult being stuck indoors trying to keep them occupied and mentally is very straining.

eidsvold · 16/08/2005 04:57

excluding hospital stays - I haven't ever had a night away from my 2 girls - one is 3 and the other is 9 months old.

Tc - never had anyone to leave them with. Even though have family - none are really close enough or in the position to have them - dd2 was/is breastfed so that makes it hard.

It was hard leaving them on a Wed night for a few weeks - dh and I are doing a training course ( to use with dd1) and that is sooo hard - esp to leave dd2.....

Btu we have had nights out - where people have babysat for us - just not all night.

tigermoth · 16/08/2005 07:48

dh and I have never had a night away from our children in eleven years. We dream of having a weekend to ourselves....

jessicaandbumpsmummy · 16/08/2005 07:53

Jess is nearly 13 months old and she has stayed over at my dads without me on 3 occasions so far, Dad has babysat for us at our house 2/3 times and BAD MUMMY ALERT on friday he is taking her 600 miles away for 11 days!!!!

(Yes, im bricking it - how will i cope without my little girl!?)

jampots · 16/08/2005 07:56

ds is 9 in 6 weeks and I have NEVER spent a night apart from him.

Dd is 12 and she has spent occasional nights with friends but never for more than 1 at a time until her 4 night trip to Germany in June.

Its not for the want of trying!

Springchicken · 16/08/2005 08:32

Oh dear, i feel a bit bad as we have had lots of nights away from DD.

My parents have had her overnight probably 4 times, MIL has had her twice, BIL has had her twice and my DB has had her maybe 3 times.......erm that makes approx. 11 full nights away from DD and she's only 13 months.
Most occassions have been when we have had plans to go out but my DB tries to have her every 6-8 weeks to give me a DP a chance to either go out just the 2 of us (not something we do very often) or stay in and have a cosy night.

Didn't realise this was so different

Kittypickle · 16/08/2005 08:39

Jampots you're depressing me ! DH and I had one night to ourselves when DD was about 2.5 (she's 6.5 now)but had to go and get her at 8am from my Mum's. I have been away from her on two other nights apart from when I had DS and was in hospital. There's no one we can leave our two with. I'm seriously considering taking turns in booking ourselves into the B&B up the road. I can honestly say that I would not have one seconds guilt if we did get away.

snafu · 16/08/2005 08:41

I never have, even though ds and I live with my parents. At 2 and a bit he still wakes at least once a night and they're not confident of being able to settle him - or even get him to sleep in the first place. And we co-sleep quite a lot. Can't see my mum being up for that!

I am dying to have a night off - I'd check into a hotel alone and just sleep but I don't think it's going to happen for a long while yet. I'm ashamed to admit that I'm starting to see the wisdom of that awful, irritating phrase regarding rods and backs...

basketcase · 16/08/2005 08:44

springchicken - don?t feel guilty about it at all - I bet she had a wonderful time. TBH I think most of us that have posted here saying that they have not been apart are the exception to the rule. Many many of my children?s friends regularly stay overnight with family and some go off for weekends - children are all happy and seem to ahve a great time. It seems that those who don?t either don?t because they can?t (no close family around etc.) or because they really don?t want to. I would love to take my family up on their offer but just can?t bring myself to do it - my problem really as I am sure the children would love being at grannys house over night.

MaloryTowers · 16/08/2005 08:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

RachD · 16/08/2005 09:15

As basketcase says, don't feel bad about having had time away Springchicken.
Good for you.
We have had a number of nights away and ds is only 18 mths!!!
But that is because Dh and I feel very strongly that we must make time for eachother.

Sometimes our darlings just take over our worlds, but we must remember to make time for ourselves and our husbands, musn't we ?

On this thread and lots of others, many mums have not a minute for themselves. That is the way it goes, isn't it ?

But my ds is only one member of our family. Without dh and me, there would be no family for him to be part of !!

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