How old is 'too old' to have a baby?

[emily05]

I might have to wait a few years until I can have baby number 2, as I am very overweight, unfit and need to come off some strong prescribed painkillers.
So I will probably be coming up to mid 30's and ds will be abut 6.

I thought that this was ok, but MIL was horrified as mid 30's is too old? Ssomthing to do with health.

This isnt right is it? Will I be too old. Also she said that will an age gap like that I am being unfair to ds.

Any thoughts on this really appreciated as I am a bit upset about it this morning (had time to stew over it!)

Well I am 35 and if we have anymore I would not want to be having another any later than 37/38, just my personal opinion, do not want to be pregnant at 40.

But I met my dh 9 years ago, maybe if I had just met him and planned 2 or 3 children.....like hester said, depends how your lift pans out.

life

I'm pregnant at 40 - it's no different to being pregnant at 31 (or any of the other times). Just took longer to conceive this one and risks are slightly higher.

Haven't read all of this. I had DD at 43, she's now 2.5 and I'm 45. DS is 7.5 years older and there's a gap because of my health. We didn't choose to stick to having an only child as DS has severe autism and we wanted our chance to have an NT child if possible. It can be very hard work and relentless! Top tip, get a routine going where they sleep AT HOME during the daytime to give you a break. Get help in a couple of times a week!

aviatrix, that's lovely. I had my 2nd at 35, would love to have another one too. Well done!

I had my first at 35 and am now 6 weeks pregnant at 38 with our second. I think it largely depends how your life unfolds - I didn't meet my hubby until I was 32, married 18 months later at 33 and along came dd. In an ideal world I would have had my children earlier, but life doesn't always work this way. I think for us 38/39 would have been our limit for a second but this also reflects on the fact that dh is 8 years my senior and will be 46 when our baby is born. Our energy levels are pretty good at the moment but I'm not sure how they would be say 5 years on with newborns! Also, I think it depends on how much help you are able to get from friends and family, it does make an enormous difference.

Emily, it's a well-known Mumsnet fact that MILs are all mad and would find any reason at all to criticise their DILs and try to control their lives.

I was 38 when I had my dd, and was also very overweight and unfit. She's perfectly healthy and so am I.

The decision isn't your MILs, it's yours. She doesn't have to feel comfortable with it - you do. If you're happy (and you have no reason not to be) then it's two fingers up at the MIL, and a baby in your 30s.

In my opinion I think over 48 is pushing it a bit to have children. I think the age limit in my book would be between 45-48. And if you take it you had your child this age you would be 68 the time your 20yr old would be partying! And I would like to be a young granmother too! Well I will be!

had my first baby at 33 and last baby at 41 and 4 more in between. Medically, they tell you there are increased risks of downs syndrome in older mothers. As someone suggested, you need to discuss that with your gp. After baby number 4 at age 39 my mil kept making comments on how "normal" the baby was and there was nothing wrong with it. She finally told me she had spent my pregnancy worrying the baby woudl be retarded (and telling "concerned family members" her fears because I was "no spring chicken"). I just told her I didn't know why she had worried, I had been having the baby not her. She shut up after that. God knows what she said when I had my fifth!

Well I had DS at 37 and am planning on another one (hopefully - as it's IVF for us) and I am now 41.

Would have loved to have done it younger and do feel a bit cheated at times that I didn't but that was just how it worked out.

DS is now 4 and I would have loved to have had another earlier so there is less of an age gap but for various reasons that didn't happen.

So - I'd say you are fine. Ignore your MIL - and just do what you and your OH feel is right for your family.

And good luck!

I had DS1 2 weeks before my 41st birthday & DS2 2 years later. I'm now 44.8 & considering #3. I'd love another but wondering about how I can split my time between 3 under 5's without all the guilt & exhaustion that will follow & also wonder that I'm just being selfish.

As for you, you're still a baby yourself!! This is YOUR life, not your MIL's or anyone elses for that matter. Do what is right for YOU.

IMHO it's better to simply not discuss these issues with PIL - if the topic's raised, just smile , say 'I'm concentrating on my health at the moment' & do what the hell you like.

With regard to gaps - although there seems to be a general opinion that the closer together, the better, My observations are that the bigger the gap, the less rivalry, arguments & stress.

Good luck!!