How old is 'too old' to have a baby?

[emily05]

I might have to wait a few years until I can have baby number 2, as I am very overweight, unfit and need to come off some strong prescribed painkillers.
So I will probably be coming up to mid 30's and ds will be abut 6.

I thought that this was ok, but MIL was horrified as mid 30's is too old? Ssomthing to do with health.

This isnt right is it? Will I be too old. Also she said that will an age gap like that I am being unfair to ds.

Any thoughts on this really appreciated as I am a bit upset about it this morning (had time to stew over it!)

My MIL thinks over 30 is too old to have a baby. Times have changed. You are only too old when you go through menopause and 6 years is a nice age gap. Don't worry about mil's!!

I think your MIL is being a bit strange. Plenty of people have (a) bigger age gaps and (b) are older when they have chidren.

My mum was 26 when she had me and nearly 34 when she had my sister, and all was well .

Um, Mumsnet is packed to the gills with women who have had their children much later than you - for example, well, ME! (38 and 41). And I'm certainly not the oldest mum here. Your MIL is talking bollocks - too old for what, precisely? It's sheer prejudice. It's up to you when you have another child and how big the age gap is. Your children, your decision. Certainly not hers!

Gees, I would have said 50+. Mid-30s? That's plenty of time!

Mid thirties is nothing!! Where on earth has your MIL been??! Too old - sheesh [eyes rolled heavenward emoticon]

There is nothing to say its any worse health wise. It may take you slightly longer to conceive, and your risk of having a baby with Downs Syndrome and spina bifida I believe rises slightly from 35 onwards, but it's nothing significant at this point. Crikey, most mums round here are starting their families in their mid thirties!

Please don't be swayed by your MIL. You're being so responsible by getting off the medication etc, and the time is right when YOU say it's right, not her. She's had her family - now it's your turn to have yours when YOU want to. Good luck

As long as you have a substantial amount of hypothetical years left to love a child, then I don't see why you can't have one as late as you want!!!

Yes, the various risks do seem to increase with age (can't give any data though, sorry), but as long as you are healthy, then you should be fine (assuming the plan was to lose weight etc...). I don't see mid 30s as being anywhere near too old!!!

Emily,what an interfering old bat! How dare she?
Take my advice,don't discuss this stuff with her.
I had my first at 33 and second at 37.Exactly as planned,despite being with my dh since the age of 22.

My colleague has just had a baby at 45.She looks happier than I've ever seen her.

You are more at risk having a baby when you are unwell and young than when you are fitter and older. Most of the 'risk' involved in having a baby later in life are not because of age itself, but because some women who are older are more overweight, have problems with blood pressure, diabetes etc. Without those, you are at no more risk than anyone ten or twenty years younger. The chance of having a baby with Downs Syndrome does rise, but the vast, vast majority of babies with Down Syndrome are born to women under 30.

Your MIL probably isn't aware of how much healthcare/antenatal care has improved over the years. The risks associated with pregnancy are much lower these days and so you can have children much later. I believe, also, if you've had a child already the risks are considerably lower for future children?

Oh let me at your MIL emily05...

Had dd at 34 and ds at 35. Will be ttc around Jan / Feb time to try and get Oct 06 baby (by which time I will be nearly 38)

If I was too old somebody should tell my body as I am fortunate enough - so far - to get pregnant first month of trying.

Also when getting nuchal fold scans done to assess risk of downs syndrome on both occasions I was in the lowest category risk - consistent with a much younger woman.

You're too old to have a baby when you have had the menopause. That's it.

No energy at nearly 40? Wonder how I manage to run 3-5 miles 3 or 4 times per week? Not angry at your comment Malory towers, just permitting myself a sardonic smile at the naivety of youth

I've got sod all energy now, and i'm 24!!!

I defintiely think you are doing the right thing losing weight and getting fitter etc than trying to go ahead now. I had DS 2 years ago at nearly 34 (4.8 year age gap between my two). I am was very overweight and planning to lose weight first but it didn't happen this way. I am now very slowly losing weight and can see that I will have much more energy at 40 when I'm slimmer and fitter than I have now (and already I feel much better after 2 stones). Your MIL is talking utter rubbish and as to the age gap, I think it's more to do with the individual personalities of the children rather than the gap.

Emily05, had 1st at 38 and 2nd at 40.

Agree with hmc. As for no energy at 40?? Give me a break! Some of the 'youth of today', obviously think that there's a magical energy switch-off at '40' (it's never 39 or 42, always 40).

I play badminton, work in a pretty stressful job parttime and am mum to a 4yo and to a 2yo.

I've just had my fourth baby at 38 and would happily have another. My sister had one at forty and I know several women who've ahd babies in their mid 40's.

KP, congratulations on losing two stone. How fantastic.
I really don't see myself as being more tired than younger women. I really don't. At university I used to sleep all day!

Personally, I think its got more to do with your own individual health and state of fitness.

I am approaching 40 and am overweight and unfit. I had ds2 at 37 and am finding it tougher than when I was 31 and had ds1.

I'm sure though that if I shed this 3 stone of extra lard - I would have much more energy

My best friend had her first at the age of 41 and a very healthy, bonny baby he is too. In-laws ime are just there to cause trouble....

Meera Syal is pregnant at 44, I read yesterday. Baby expected around Christmastime.
Mariella Frostrup currently pregnant witih no2 at 43 - had no1 at 42 I think.
Madonna doesn't look as if she's going to collapse into her bathchair at any minute!

There are no guarantees in life and none of us know when our time is up, obviously, but I think having a child beyond an age at which you could normally expect to see them into independence is not a good idea - so maybe its a good idea to stop when nature gives you a hint - ie normal menopausal age. I have read about women using ivf to have babies in their 60's and I think that is wrong, not fair on the child, I mean.

MTPW - You said that so much more clearly than my ramblings!!!

I believe the best and most ideal time to have a baby is 25-35. 30 being best to begin, so you have time for a few more!

It's weird that we have some idea that historically people used to finish their families by 35 or so.

I've got loads of family history info I've been looking at lately... basically, it was extremely common until birth control became reliable for women to keep having babies up until their fertility stopped thaty could be late 30s with some, but early 40s with others or later. Women were more likely to die (in childbirth or from disease) than stop having babies by age 35.

I may be barking up wrong tree, Emily05, but is your MIL thinking of the increase risk for Down's syndrome in baby as mother gets older? That's a risk for you & your DP to decide whether to take, not her business!