How old is 'too old' to have a baby?

[emily05]

I might have to wait a few years until I can have baby number 2, as I am very overweight, unfit and need to come off some strong prescribed painkillers.
So I will probably be coming up to mid 30's and ds will be abut 6.

I thought that this was ok, but MIL was horrified as mid 30's is too old? Ssomthing to do with health.

This isnt right is it? Will I be too old. Also she said that will an age gap like that I am being unfair to ds.

Any thoughts on this really appreciated as I am a bit upset about it this morning (had time to stew over it!)

I think you should do what feels right to you. Losing some weight and getting fitter first is a very responsible thing to do IMO. Also, it is very, very hard to have a newborn and a toddler to look after - believe me! Your ds will be in school and you'll get more time with the baby.

OTOH, I personally wanted to have my two kids before the age of thirty because the health risks do increase and I don't want to be an older mum. Each to their own.

Cherie Blair - 46.

MY MIL is spending every evening berating me to have another child, and preferably two!
DS is now 4, how can we be so cruel as to not give him a brother or sister, she is so lonely, if we don't want (i.e are too selfish) to look after any more children, we can send 'it' to live with her, and (this is the classic) DP could easily have some more children (for her, for DS of course) because Des o'Connor had another child and he was 70!! (yes, MIL, and he ran off with a younger woman to do it!).

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!

(sorry, that was to Blu, not to anyone else!)

When you've had a menopause.

Up to that, you're capable of having a baby.

There are swings and roundabouts to everything. There are some health disadvantages to older parenting, but there are some social advantages.

Women have always had babies up until menopause. Don't let your MIL upset you.

I guess I could start another thread instead of asking here, but is it a myth or reality - my friend says that if you do not lose all your pregnancy weight between pregnancies, you will NEVER lose it. So I still have a fairly sizable bump, if I were to get pregnant again before losing it, she claims that I can only get rid of it by having a tummy tuck -serious surgery. Anyone?? So Emily05, it may be that you don't need to lose the weight before you get pg again, but I too have been told that it is much better and easier if you lose it beforehand.

almost40 - I put on obscene amounts of weight when pregnant with dd1. Lost part of that after having dd1, but was still a stone heavier than before pregnancy. With dd2 I put on even more weight, after having her I did Weight Watchers and lost all the weight plus some more - I now weigh a stone less than I did before getting pregnant with dd1. So it's possible!

i dont think i will be wanting babies in my mid 30's but i certantly dont think its wrong or to old! im just having my kids young!

As long as your body is still capable of getting pregnant, carrying a baby and giving birth than there's no reason you shouldn't have a baby in your thirties or forties. The menopause is natures way of saying stop, so up until then conceive away!!

Personally i've just had ds1 at 25 and intend, god willing, to have my next baby before i'm 30.

Go emkana! I love to hear that. I hope I can do the same. Any tips - other than the weightwatchers? Sadly, I think that my metabolism has slowed down, and I am finding it really hard to lose nearly 2 stone . .

almost40 - tbh I don't think I could have done it without breastfeeding - it really helped me to lose weight. I know it doesn't work for everyone, but for me it meant that I could eat loads and still lose weight!

According to my gyn, the first one before 35, the last one before 40.

Your gyn wouldn't approve of me then. But I have lovely, lovely children.

nope, me neither, and they're lovely.

I don't thin you need to pay attention to what my gyn says Aloha, really

BTW, at what moment did my gyn said the children of over 40s would not be lovely?

moi non plus

Well, I'm 41 and expecting my first. Would prefer to have done this younger but life didn't oblige. I am having a very healthy pregnancy. For me, the critical issue to be aware of is that once you get into your late 30s/early 40s it does usually get harder to get pg (though plenty of women still conceive almost instantly) and problems like miscarriage etc feel particularly painful because you are aware that this may be your 'last chance'.

But at coming up to mid-30s, and knowing that you are fertile, i do think the situation is different. You are quite right to want to get your health in order first. And I just don't believe that there are right or wrong answers to the question of the age gap between your children. Sure, they won't share as much as children closer in age, but then they're likely to bicker far, far less. My dp is 7 years older than sister and they have always been very close. I am 18 months apart from my two siblings and my childhood memories are of intense rivalry and endless squabbling, with very little playing together or companionship. There's no magic formula.

So, Blu - you're enjoying your MIL's visit then?

My brother and his wife welcomed into the world their first baby today

They are both 38

dh sister was 40 when her ds was born

Good health and weight I think are important factors at any age but even more so to enjoy the pregnancy and give your baby a good start in the world

I read somewhere that women were built for childbirth and there seems to be some connection with the increase in cancer in women who have had no children or just one child!! This i suppose is in contrast to women that had large families in decades gone by.

They reckon it's to do with the hormonal flux of having periods - the more babies and breastfeeding you do the less periods you have over a lifetime and therefore the lower the surges in hormones.

that's it, Mog, couldnt remember the rational behind it but knew there was a connection.

Thanks for all of your comments. I realise now that listening to MIL is never a good idea! Listening to mumsnetters is far more productive!

She is a bit of an over opinionated old bag really. She states her opinion but calls it the opinion of the 'family' - like they are the blooming mafia.

anyway thanks (too many response to reply individually - but Littlestarsweeper good luck with the pregnancy test x)

LOL Emily - i've known the odd MN-er to be an over-opinionated old bag, too! (and I mean ME before anyone gets huffy!)
Glad you're feeling more relaxed about it, anyway!

I had my first baby at 37 and he's 2.5 now. And we are both happy and healthy. Your MIL has it wrong. Years ago 30+ used to be considered old for pregnancy but not anymore. One woman I cared for had her first baby at 46 - she was told at 38 to give up trying after 15 years of desperately wanting to be a Mum. When I last saw her, her DS was 3 and she said he was the best thing she'd ever achieved.