Thinking about trying for a child

[Jane111]

And amongst the myriad of questions and concerns I have, one of my biggest is money (a familiar story, I'm sure).

I earn a decent wage, partner doesn't. We live in central London and cope reasonably well at the moment.

Excluding all the initial equipment, buggies, cots, bottles etc you need to buy, (and I appreciate this is a long as a piece of string question) how much does it cost monthly maintenance wise for a newborn- toddler? eg: nappies (disposable), formula (if b/feeding unsuccesful) etc. Just a rough idea would be really great. I have no idea about how much to budget for a baby, and I'd like to know how skint I'm going to be!!

Many thanks.

We spent about £20 a week on nappies, wipes and formula milk, extra bits and bobs. The main expense for us which we didn't factor in was the astronomical amount of petrol we used just driving around trying to get him to stop crying or go to sleep in the day! I refuse to have any more children as I fear it would be too detrimental to the environment . Hopefully you'll get a really placid baby that dozes off for a nap easily! Also don't forget to add in any money you will need for days out/ baby groups etc as being at home with a baby and a young child would be torturous day in day out.

Thanks, it's all pretty daunting stuff really so have no idea where to begin thinking if we can/can't afford it!

Childcare is the biggest cost, and maternity leave can be very expensive if you are the higher earner in terms of lost income but it depends, some employers are more generous than others.

Yeah we were torn about having another too. Sometimes I think we really struggle now so it would be even more difficult with another. I am a stay at home mum and I desperately want to get back to work and maybe consider another when we have 2 incomes. It is very daunting I agree. Sometimes I think our family is finally a happy little unit and I really don't want to go back to the grumpy horrible baby stage! (ds really has put me off!).

I think a lot of depends on how much you'd have to spend on clothes and things aswell, if you were smart you'll have kept all your first dc's clothes/ toys etc, unlike me who the second he had grown out of his moses basket, highchair, clothes I sold them on ebay swearing 'NEVER AGAIN!!!!'

For us the extra costs were about 10 to 20% of total previous costs. Lots of variables, including how much of today's lifestyle (eg going out) disappears, and for how long; plus, whether you will dress your kids in handmedowns / NCT sales stuff / Sainsbury Tu / Green Baby / Monsoon / even posher shops in St John's Wood or Chelsea etc.

But for us at least the overwhelming factor was the loss of an income for many months, not the increased costs. Sounds like that may be even more the case for you, if it's you that's planning on physically having the baby and taking time out, and not your partner -- given wages.

Some things:

• a nappy service is cheap cf disposables
• breastfeeding much cheaper (pads, nursing bras) obv has other benefits too you can up the chances of it working by finding support in advance and if possible watching a few women do it quite close up and asking questions.

Meant to say, we live in London and childcare for one child was the same as our mortgage, childcare for 2 is only just less than double our mortgage.

Nappies are a drop in the ocean next to that.

We also bought a car when we had DS, not 100% necessary but we have family all over the country who we like to be able to drive to visit.

Don't know if this helps you, but I couldn't believe how much money I saved. I live in SE London, work in central London. I have to confess to being a bit of a spendthrift, and what I saved on travel, eating out, socialising, coffees from Pret, etc., was a great deal more than I spent in six months maternity leave. Obviously that only covers the first few months, and I had OK maternity pay, but hopefully it'll be a bit of a consolation to you . If you are not completely skint then you'll probably find that for the first year or two (other than the big initial expenses) most of the costs do get absorbed into your general expenditure. Also, you'll get some child benefit (depending on how much that gets eroded by the new incumbents of Downing Street), so that'll help a bit. Good luck!

Oh, but don't forget about childcare if you are going back to work. We pay £500 a month for two days at nursery, which is about average for London as far as I can tell, although childminders are a bit cheaper. Hope that's not too depressing. We are trying for a second child, can't afford it by any stretch of the imagination, but I think you just manage - you do what you have to, and it's worth it.

Honestly,babies are cheaper than you might imagine.We used a sling until babies were at least 10m,co-slept so no cot needed,just a moses for daytime naps,breastfed so no bottles,sterilisers etc.Main expense was nappies (I used eco-disposables,but washables are cheaper).Just breastfeeding will save a massive amount,and virtually everyone can do it so don't worry that you might be unsuccessful,that's very unlikely. If you have friends or siblings with babies then its cheaper still-one couple we know literally buy virtually nothing for their two daughters as they have a relative with two older girls who passes all their clothes on.I wasn't in that position,but we lived on a boat when the girls were small and so bought the absolute minimum of stuff,and really it wasn't much.The only essentials are a sling,some clothes and sleepsuits,nappies,cotton wool,and some basic first aid stuff (thermometer,calpol,nappy cream etc).A moses basket is handy but a drawer will do.Most of us will have had parents managing on far less than we do and they were ok.Good luck!

Oh my, I hadn't factored in that childcare would be about as expensive as your mortgage (or even £500 a month for 2 days a week).
Phew, that's loads.

I'd be the one having the baby, and I'm the one on the larger wage. Whilst I get good maternity pay (full pay for 6months??) I think I'd have to consider going back after 6 months, which I really wouldn't like to do. And really, I'd have to consider going back full time to keep the money coming in, so it looks like it'd be better for hubby to stay at home and look after the child - at least the poor mite would get one parent and I'd be responsible for the money. I'm sure I'd feel put out about.
Oh dear! Am I just having normal money worries or is my situation exceptional?

No, this is totally normal. Your mat pay is a good deal, when you are off work you won't get through it at the same rate as when you are at work as daisyj explained. I think you could easily eke out 6 months' full pay to 7 or 8 months off. Plus, your holiday will continue to accrue while you are off so if you don't take much leave while you are pregnant either then you will probably end up with the equivalent of another month's full pay.

As a SAHM with two dc I get lots of tax credits that make it pointless for me to work part time. Depending on your wage I would check how many tax credits you would get on one wage or two, it may help.

If you are just starting a family now though I would not count on tax credits being as generous as they are now - I would be very cautious about financial planning on that basis.

I'm banking on not receiving anything from the State as friends on similiar salary combinations haven't qualified so I can't see we would.

I think like you all say, it's actually the cost of childcare that'll be the problem - so cue another question. What would be the average price of childminding in London, full-time?

I'd never figured it was such a minefield (and that's without the whole drama of another little person!)

For under 2s I think you need to budget for at least £1000 per month, more in central London. Some CMs might be cheaper than others though, depending on their rating and outside space etc.

You can call your local authority for a list of childcare providers in your area and find out more that way.

Ofsted list all registered childminders in your area. We used to pay £40 per day.

With the same caveats as for tax credits, there are significant tax breaks to help with the cost of childcare at present. I think they are all salary sacrifice schemes, which are worth more to you if you're a higher rate taxpayer. Check out www.hmrc.gov.uk/childcare/
Both parents can claim, I think.

I know it all feels a bit daunting, but you wil be fine, and all the more so for thinking about it in advance. I do think you'll need to talk openly about funding it all, though -- eg chat to your DH about whether he'll be happy to be a SAHD, whether he'd freelance to bring in extra cash, etc etc

Have a look for surestart centres in your area, the childcare is often a fair bi cheaper than the normal rate.

We only pay £36/day for our nursery based in a children's centre, and thats for under 2s, so about £720 a month for full time. We're on the edge of London. It is certainly the biggest expense to consider, we found we could save enough to get through maternity leave but you can't save enough to cover four or five years of full time childcare!

And how easy is it to get good (safe and nurturing) childcare?

I'm sure it varies enormously from area to area, but is it like the scenario I hear for Primary Schools, cut-throat, with people willing to do crazy things to get decent pre-school care?

Hubby totally on board with being SAHD, and more than qualified as he's worked in Kindergartens' - it's more me who would have the problem with it!

It's not too tricky pre-primary school -- or at least wasn't for us / our friends. We've used childminder and nursery and had good experiences with both.

I can see that finances are an issue,no-one wants to bring a child into the world and have to really struggle,but please do also think about the joy! Nothing,nothing,nothing has made me as happy,or as fulfilled,as having my daughters and I am a better person as a mother than I ever was before.More shouty,yes,but generally a bit more easy going.You can't imagine how amazing and how lovely it is,even when the going is hard.You will manage if you have to,as most people do,and you will be a good mother as you are obviously thoughtful and responsible.Babies are a time limited event,and I wish I'd started mine younger.Really the only choice is "do I want a baby ever?" and if the answer is "yes",then get on with it.The rest will fall into place.

I did not find any of the childcare I looked at to be dodgy, they were all safe and nurturing enough.

The reason we chose the nursery we did was that it had better hours for our commutes and a really good outside play space, both of which we found tricky to find elsewhere in our area.

It was not a cut-throat experience in trying to arrange it, but you shouldn't do what I did and leave it until DS was 5 months old to look as I couldn't bring myself to deal with it any earlier, I think we were lucky there! I suspect looking whilst pregnant is not a bad idea in some areas of London.

I second everything that sleepless says. Our DD loves her nursery and they love her. I trust them to look after her (almost)as well as we do. My DH, due to a very fortunate arrangement at work, looks after dd two days a week, and my parents one day, so we are very lucky. Sounds like you have a nice progressive employer with that amount of maternity leave, so I guess they will do childcare vouchers, which will help.

And you are just having normal money worries, I promise you.

DH and DD just came and met me for lunch today - I can't even describe the pleasure of seeing her gorgeous little face in the middle of the day - it's all worth it, as hellymelly says. And honestly, I'm not a massively maternal person, and I was really scared of giving my life up to a little person, but everything is actually more fun, and none of it feels like a 'sacrifice'.