where do I put the children?

[curableromantic]

We have a small two bed flat (70m2) on two floors - a sitting room, a kitchen, a bedroom on one floor then stairs up to an attic room. At the moment DP and I have one room, DS (9 months) has his cot in the attic room alongside DP's desk which is quite big and laden with equipment.

We have just decided to take DP's DN in to live with us. We didn't plan for this to happen in this flat and I'm just pondering the best use of space.

Would it be better to put DS and DN in together in one bedroom, and us share the attic room with DP's desk (will be a terrible squash). Or should we put DN upstairs in DP's office and put DS cot in our room?

HOw does it work with a 12 year old and a baby?

The office can't move for practical reasons.

I really want to keep the sitting room so we all have somewhere to congregate.

Does anyone have any thoughts?

i would have the baby in with you and put DN in the attic.
is it going to be a long-term thing?
does dp work from home?
is there any chance of reducing the size of his workspace and having that in your room/sitting room?

We've just signed a 12 month lease unfortunately, but will definitely move somewhere bigger at the end of that, so fairly temporary.

We both work from home. If DP was working in the sitting room we wouldn't be able to make any noise, and he would have the football on this monitor all the time so we couldn't watch tv or anything. Our bedroom is tiny, even fitting the cot in their will be a squeeze.

I would love DN to have his own room (he's had a lot of problems, which is why he's coming to us) but I can't see a way.

Wow - that's quite a decision - well done to both of you. Is there any chance of dividing up the living room?

I would keep baby in attic room as that seems to work. Put DN in bedroom alone. Put your bed in the sitting room as you only need to sleep in it when nobody else will be wanting to sit iysim. If it won't fit then sell it and buy a GOOD sofa bed. You can keep your clothese in the bathroom/attic room.

Give DN room in attic, and put baby in with you.

Is there any chance of DH finding some alternative workspace out of the home, just for 12 months?

I have know some very posh (but not particularly wealthy) Parisians who slept in the living room of their 2 bed apt (they had 3 DC)

But then they were only there during the week as they spent the weekends in the family chateau.

hmmm. need to tink how much time each person will be sending in their bedroom.

you and DH - just sleeping
DS - mostly sleeping
DN - at 12 - probably more.

Any chance you can fit in DS and you and DH and the office al in the attic and DN have a room of her own?

She should have her own room, assuming that this is a temporary measure and your child is not old enough to feel put out. Take him in with you. She will need her own space.

If you put DN in the attic with DH's office, what will happen during the day (non school days) if DN wants to go to his room and chill, play, have some space etc? Having said that my children rarely play in their rooms. They usually only go there to sleep. So it doesnt have to be an issue but it does depend on the child and what they are used to.

I would put him in the Attic so that he has his own space at least when DH isn't working.

DN is a boy btw.

The annoying thing is, up until a few weeks ago we were living in a large flat in a city where I fought hard to get him a place at the best school Then granny decided she should keep him so we drew a line under it and we moved here to a small but pretty flat with a little garden. Now he's being bullied she's changed her mind. Arrrgh.

I think I feel very strongly that I want to keep the sitting room unaltered. I also want DN where I can see him in the evening because he's recently had dreadful cyberbullying episode and I want to focus on lots of nice, family activities like scrabble which he loves rather than let him fester. DP can't work anywhere else. We do live right opposite a lovely park and have a little garden.

have you asked him what he'd prefer?
if he's had a rough time of it he may like to feel more included in stuff?

give him the choice of sharing the attic room with the office or sharing with your ds while you take the attic room

I think that a good sofa bed in living room would the best solution. My brother and his wife did that for a while so their children could have own rooms. You can still have quality time in their . Can yr Dh have his study in yr ex bedroom and DN have attic room ? You might even to be able to watch TV in the morning all bundled up.

I'd get a decent sofa bed and you and dp sleep in sitting room. Leave ds in office and give dn a room of his own. Even though he would have a room of his own - don't encourage sitting in it - ie don't have TV or computer in it. So it is used for sleeping only.
And maybe try and cut short the lease? Find someone to sub let to and move??

Their ??? what ! there....meaning LR.

yeah i mean if your going to have him there for the foreseeable future and are up for another move then you could talk to your landlord or letting agency

they may be willing to look for another tenant and let you move out once they find someone?

Considering the circs, would you qualify for social housing?

If you let the land lord know you would like to move out, they will usually let you, providing they can find someone else to move in.

thisisyesterday - at the moment he won't speak a single word. He only said yes when we asked if he'd rather live with us. It's a terribly complicated situation.

There is a possibility we could co-sleep with DS upstairs and the desk, leaving DN his own room.

No solution is going to be ideal. But i just feel desperate at losing the sitting room because it's not very big and with a sofabed (we can't get rid of the landlord's massive sofa) we would hardly wedge in.

The landlord is an exceptionally nice person - but he let to us only a few weeks ago and is off to work abroad for a year with his young family. And we have spent a lot of money converting the top room to an office for DP (long story, big satellite dish).

DOes anyone have any experience of a 12 year old and a baby sharing?

could you put the landlords sofa into storage and get a decent sofa bed?

Thanks for all your post btw .

Good point, MrsW, about the chilling out/homework space for DN. I suppose he would have to use the sitting room for that. Maybe I could put DS down for his naps/sleeps in our room and bring him down last thing when we sleep?