5 year old's baptism - how to explain it to them after my first attempt brought on tears and an "I don't want to be baptised!"?

[prettyinpunk]

My 5 year old DS is being belatedly baptised in a couple of weeks. My first attempt to bring it up had him in tears, exclaiming he didn't want to be baptised.

He's not used to attending church (Christmas, Easter and a few regular times when he was 3) & his reply to my asking why was that he didn't want to be 'at the front of the church'.

I think he remembers this from last Christmas when the children were encouraged to go forward to look at the crib (this he did with no problems as he was with a friend).

He can be very sensitive and lacks self-confidence/is unsure of new situations.

Does anyone have any tips on how I can prepare/explain/avoid tears on the day??

Thank you!

I am going to bed. I have wasted enough time trying to justify myself to a collection of immediately aggressive and suspicious mners.

And yes, pixie, i have been going to church and no, not every week.

Tell him you'll get him sweeties on the way home from the church?

This might be the most depressing thread I've ever seen on MN (except it plainly isn't but bear with me). The OP was asking advice on a religious matter: why post if your only response is RELIGION?? YOU BRAINWASHER!

If I saw a thread from a convicted vegetarian asking for veggie recipes that would be enticing and healthy for their children, I wouldn't immediately log in and wreak the piss for being yogurt-weaving bean-snorting wets forcing their lifestyle on their poor kids. Which is basically what has happened here.

Honestly. I shake my head ruefully at the lot you.Well, some of you, obviously.

Raven, you seem to have missed all the posts which questioned the OPs commitment to her faith. Questioning why on earth she would want her son baptised as she is "not a churchgoer".

I would suggest that if the OPs priest is comfortable baptising her son, then it is appropriate for him to be baptised. Why a load of people on the internet feel themselves to be better placed to judge the OPs commitment and faith is beyond me and really nasty.

Oh yeah, and that other thing, the 'you're not Christian enough' thing?

There are whole parables about that, people. JC would not approve. FACT.

Cripes, if I were giving my true opinion, I'd say that baptism = lunacy. I couldn't be more atheistic if I tried. But I still offered what I thought was reasonably sensible advice, namely that the OP should make her child feel more at home in church before doing the whole ceremonial head-wetting thing - and, if that fails, then bribe him.

Speaking as an atheist, I can see why Christians get exercised about the idea of people using baptism as a lifestyle statement. That, it appears, is not what the OP is doing - but she did beg questions with her initial post (like: why now?)

No, I didn't miss them, ISNT.

It's just that that isn't my argument - it's that of other posters, who feel much more in touch with the religious POV than I do.

I've no opinion to offer on the OPs commitment & faith.

I just think that if her ds isn't at all keen, that should be respected. Much as, if my ds announced tomorrow that he felt a pillock getting his goth on every Whitby Goth Weekend, & could his dad & I please not make him, we'd respect that.

Anyway - the OP has received lots of practical advice on here, most of it variations on 'take him a few times, get him accustomed, postpone the day if needs be' - all sounds v sensible & non-inflammatory to me.

Ha, Raven: 'getting his goth on'!

I wish my parents had been like you...

"I would suggest that if the OPs priest is comfortable baptising her son, then it is appropriate for him to be baptised. Why a load of people on the internet feel themselves to be better placed to judge the OPs commitment and faith is beyond me and really nasty. "

The only nasty thing I can see is the ignoring of the kid's wish not to be baptised against his will.

No you don't, HB. We are fully fledged Embarrassing Parents.

I just wanted to understand why the op's son hadn't been baptised at the time most catholics do it.

Me too, seeker.

My DD was baptised at aged six. We'd been going to church fairly regularly for six months or so prior to her baptism, so she was comfortable in the church and knew the vicar etc.

At our church, they tend to do the baptism of children en masse. So in DD's case, it was her a couple of toddlers. Which was lovely because all the families gathered by the font and the children were all happy to be being baptised together (well, one after the other IYSWIM).

DD quite enjoys being the centre of attention so we didn't have any issues. BUT, for your son, could you do a dry-run so to speak, with the Priest in casual clothes etc, a few days before, so that your son knows what to expect? DD received a lit candle after her baptism which she enjoyed holding and taking back to the pew afterwards. Will your son receive anything similar that he might like?

I'd ignore the hysteria on this thread BTW and don't worry about having to be defensive. If you're happy, the Priest is happy and I'm fairly sure God is happy, then I wouldn't worry if others are less than supportive .

Hope it all goes well.

Pixie.

I am tempted to say, it is attitudes like yours, which gives religion a bad name.

What if the op had a period of "doubt" around the time her child was born, what if she was temporarily a "lapsed" christian, who resently have found her faith again?

Who are we to judge?

My children were baptised recently.They were five and nearly three at the time.I explained clearly what would happen over a few days and did pretend runs in the bath pouring water,which they enjoyed,and it also helped that they really like the Canon who did the baptism and that they know his children.I think he helped enormously actually as he was very kind to them and they were astonishingly well behaved during the whole thing.It was just them,the Canon and DH and I there so that may have helped too.I would just talk through what will happen and act it out.If he still seems really against it then I would wait a few months.

OP I just wanted to offer some support (and I know your orginal post didn't call for this but) God calls us all in different ways, if the time is right for you to ask for your son to be Baptised then ignore the other posts, you shouldn't feel compelled to justify yourself to people on an annoyomous forum,
There have been some very sensible suggestions about familiarisation with your Church and the Father conducting the service - has your son spoken to him about what mught happen on the day and whats involved? some Churchs do preparation classes for parents maybe there is an opporunity to get him involved in this way, and role play which I think would really help your son as well as just talking about your faith (which I'm sure you do) Are you appointing Godparents? maybe this could be something they could take an interest in in preparation?

This book is great

I was Baptised as an adult and whilst I knew it was the right decision for me I'd only ever seen infant Baptisms and was worried about the 'performance' of the actual ceromony if that makes sense, maybe its just 'stage fright'?

I hope that helps

Prettyinpunk so excellent advise on here, some not so helpful though. I hope things work out for you and your ds for his baptism.
My 2 dc were baptised into the Catholic Church last year at 7 and 6.
For what it's worth I don't think you owe anyone an explanation as to why it is now you have decided on baptism not earlier.
Are there any books you could buy which would explain to your child as to what happens and why during baptism?
My ds who is severely autistic ending up covering the Priest with the water during his baptism due to his very limited understanding of what was happening.
I do wish we has done it sooner but the assumption by some people that you are only condidering baptism because of school is a bit insulting imvho.
We all hold our own very personal relationships with God and just because that does'nt fit in with what society expects does not make it less valid
Hope it all goes well x

is there a reason why you want to make him do something he doesn't want to do? I can't pick up your reason from what you have said (though I can pick up your hostility to anyone who asks questions)

ISNT has it perfectly. What a hideous, sneering, uncharitable and unChristian response from the judgemental 'Churchgoers'.

Presumably we all make decisions in our childrens' best interests every day. Some of which, at their tender ages, they may object to. No doubt my children would much rather avoid the vaccinations I enforce upon them. However I do so because I believe it is ultimately best for their physical welfare.

Baptism is a decision a parent makes on behalf of a child because they consider it important for their spiritual welfare. The OP has the parental right to make that decision on behalf of their child in their best interests. And the OP asked how best to help make that decision be one that her child could see positively.

I don't believe for a second that each of you don't make important decisions for your children. And that sometimes you cajole, encourage or persuade them where necessary.

There isn't an expiry date on baptism. Do any of the Christians on this thread truly believe that the child of a family within that faith should be denied baptism? I mean, do you really espouse the "You're too late, your name's not on the list, you're not coming in" approach?

It is one-upmanship of the worst sort.

"I am considerably more holy than thou."

Yuk.

'Presumably we all make decisions in our childrens' best interests every day. Some of which, at their tender ages, they may object to.'

...but...

'There isn't an expiry date on baptism'

This is what I don't get. If no expiry date, why all the rush?

Also, my dc, at their tender ages, object to going to the doctors for vaccinations - & they jolly well have the shots anyway - but surely baptism shouldn't be about 'I know you're hating this, but I'm making you undergo it for your own good'?

Surely it should be a positive experience, & memory - a celebration?

well yes, exactly, raven! We aren't disagreeing on your last point.

And that was what the OP was suggesting - she sought help finding ways to make it enjoyable for her child. If she had intended baptising him and cared not a jot for his misery she wouldn't have started this thread.

As to the no expiry on baptism, well you might use your vaccination analogy again. Vaccinations can happen at any time. However, if one has delayed acting for whatever reason, it is still likely to be better late than never.

It's your analogy, carrot, & it's never going to convince me - I'm more of the opinion that religion needs to be vaccinated against...

What could happen if the ds persisted in his intransigence & the OP said OK, your call, let us know if you change your mind?

If I let my dc make their own decisions about vaccination they might catch something that would make them extremely ill. What consequences might there be for the OP's ds if his baptism was postponed, or if it never happened?

What I'm not seeing is much argument for baptising him asap & against his wishes, that prioritises a perceived benefit to him.

It seems to be all about the OP's 'rights'.