5 year old's baptism - how to explain it to them after my first attempt brought on tears and an "I don't want to be baptised!"?

[prettyinpunk]

My 5 year old DS is being belatedly baptised in a couple of weeks. My first attempt to bring it up had him in tears, exclaiming he didn't want to be baptised.

He's not used to attending church (Christmas, Easter and a few regular times when he was 3) & his reply to my asking why was that he didn't want to be 'at the front of the church'.

I think he remembers this from last Christmas when the children were encouraged to go forward to look at the crib (this he did with no problems as he was with a friend).

He can be very sensitive and lacks self-confidence/is unsure of new situations.

Does anyone have any tips on how I can prepare/explain/avoid tears on the day??

Thank you!

I'm struggling to understand the positive aspect of it, tbh.

OK, I'm not a big fan of parent-determined baptism anyway - I'm an atheist, & I believe that embracing a faith should be a conscious choice, made of one's own volition - but I can see the atrraction of the big family celebration, I suppose.

Nothing very celebratory if the leading man doesn't actually want to be onstage.

firstly, you don't seem to be regular church goers so no wonder the poor mite is bewildered. I decided to have my DDs baptized when they are old enough to understand why they are doing it. You should not force him to do this especially since there seems to be no hurry in doing so. i would suggest that you a)if you are serious then start attending on a regular basis so he gets what church is all about or b)figure out why you are so intent on this happening now? coz you don't seem to be fussed about your lack of attendance so i hope you don't feel that it's something you just have to do coz then you're missing the point.

Thank you Pixie, yet again, for your words of wisdom. Do you really have to be so patronising? and despite your efforts you are being incredibly rude. Is it not possible that a 5 year old child could still die before their confirmation? or is it the case that because they 'missed the bus' when they were an infant, God says "sorry! if you die you can't go to heaven now until you're confirmed!" ?

and Bosoms, just because you have been baptised it doesn't mean you take yourself to church every week for the rest of your life like a brain-dead robot. I know plenty of people who 'opt-out' of their religion when they feel as though they don't want to be involved anymore. i also know people who have converted from CofE to catholicism & vice versa when they felt they wanted to make the choice. It is not indoctrination. and for the record - I hate football

What a tremendous thread. I thought that christianity was supposed to be an inclusive and wecoming religion.

Judging by the responses on here, that seems to be way off the mark.

I know many people who do not go to church regularly who consider themselves to be christians of various persuasions. According to this thread, they are not good enough.

and

Really nasty.

Yes it is indoctrination.
Definition: The act of indoctrinating, or the condition of being indoctrinated; Instruction in the rudiments and principles of any belief system;

Why not let him opt-in, if he wants to, rather than 'opt-out'?

Baptism is a sacrament that can actually be given my anyone in times of crisis - so it seems a bit odd that the OP wasn't happy for a South American ordained priest to administer t to her son.

I still wonder why a committed Catholic would lerave her child unbaptised for 5 years. And I haven't heard an explanation yet!

wow, prettyiinpunk, you are really charming about other church goers / Christians, i cant imagine why you want your child to join

"just because you have been baptised it doesn't mean you take yourself to church every week for the rest of your life like a brain-dead robot"

lots of people have given you good advice here, Christians and others, and you have been very hostile

Goodness, its all got a bit heated here hasn't it. I clearly caused offence. I still think the best advice is for your 5yo to get familiar with the whole thing so that it is not so traumatic for them - seems obvious to me but maybe I am missing something. Is it difficult to get to mass every few weeks so that it doesn't seem so scary?

If the OP was saying "Will I and my child be welcome in church", then the answer would be "Yes". If the OP doesn't want to go to church, then that's fine. She can still consider herself a Christian if she wants to. And she can raise her child to know about her religion, and not take him to church, and that's fine too.

If she had chosen to have her baby baptised, back when he was a baby, then that would be fine too.

But you can't choose not to have them baptised as babies and then insist that it's terribly important to have them baptised when it becomes convenient to you to do it, without facing a certain amount of criticism.

Theologically you can either view baptism as necessary for infants (in which you do it as soon as you can), or not important (in which case you can leave it till the child is old enough to decide). It can't suddenly be so important at 5 that you have to go ahead even if the child doesn't want to do it.

Pixie - in my bewildered state i cross-posted and missed your advice. thank you for the wet-hair suggestion.

but yes, you are patronising and rude and the reason for that is that you have made this a personal attack by firstly implying that because we are having our son baptised aged 5, we must therefore be wanting a huge party and posed photos in our new outfits; and secondly by inferring that we deliberately chose to avoid a 'meaningful' baptism by waiting till we were back in the UK.

can you not understand sarcasm?

and for those people who MAY have big families and lots of godparents and MAY want them at their child's baptism, who says having a large party does not equal meaningful?

She has been hostile?

She was told that she had no right to get her child baptised and that she was taking the piss.

You lot listen to yourselves. Honestly.

"I'm sure it was a much more meaningful service for her because she was ready for it than for a child who does it because his parents tell him to. "

Right so you're not up for baptising babies either then.

This has riled me so much. I have so many friends who consider themselves to be christians, whether RC or otherwise, who wordship intermittantly. They believe in god. They have their children baptised.

I was not aware that people have to attend the place of worship in a proscribed manner in order to consider themselves a member of that church/that congregation.

I assume that you are all for disbarring people from religious funerals if they have not attended church an amount of time that you all judge to be adequate.

Try telling my MIL who has cancer and only attends intermittently that she is not an acceptable member of the congregation. Hopefully no-one at her church is sneering at her for not displaying her faith in a way that they approve of.

Honestly I find this thread disgusting.

You wanna get your kid into a church school. Go on, admit it.

You misunderstood my post, Kristina. I was saying that being baptised DOESN'T mean you take yourself to church every week like a brain-dead robot, as was implied by the other poster's reference to indoctrination. You still have a choice even if you were baptised as a baby.

oh for goodness sake, they are Catholics, they would of course want their children to go through first communion, they want the baptism to take place, so they can partake in this.

LATER, when the child is more mature and can make up his/her own mind, they confirm whether they want to stay in the faith or not, by going through Confirmation.

Now the OP has explained her situation, I dont understand why some of you still keep going for the kill.

We cannot all be "textbook Christians".
I hardly ever go to the service, yet I am on the Church Council. How often I go to Church, is nobodys business but mine.

ImSoNotTelling - do you think the priest should get the child into an armlock and forcibly baptise him if he still says "No" when they get to the font. What about if he runs away during the service - should the church sidesmen hunt him down and subdue him?

A 5 year old has a right to make choices about important things in his life - infant baptism allows parents to speak on behalf of the child, adult baptism does not. I don't mean that 5 is an adult, but he is quite capable of understanding religion if anyone had bothered to explain it to him. If the OP hasn't explained it to him, then baptism is hardly that important to her. If she has explained it and he doesn't want to, then that should be respected.

'I assume that you are all for disbarring people from religious funerals if they have not attended church an amount of time that you all judge to be adequate.'

That's a very big assumption to make, from posters suggesting that maybe the OP shouldn't force baptism on her ds if he doesn't want it.

Honestly, I have no theological interest in this - it's all hocus pocus to me. The original query was a parenting one - 'how can I sell this to me ds?', basically.

I think it's quite legitimate for replies to ask whether she really has to rush into it at all.

Nothing whatsoever to do with her entitlement to have her child baptised, if that's what she wants to do - it just seems, to some of us, to be an unnecessary & potentially upsetting ritual to force upon the poor kid.

Why do you want your child to be baptised?

Oh dear tweed just snorted at your post. Don't believe prettyinpunk is pulling that trick at all, although I did ask the question some time back. I have just been reminded by reading this thread why I am atheist. Good luck Pretty.

I think a load of supposed christians should not proclaim themselves the arbiters of what constitutes another person being "christian enough", find them lacking and tell them that it is inappropriate for them to get their child baptised as they don't measure up.

That is what has disgusted me on here.