How to help DS (6) deal with negative emotions

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any advice here would be more than appreciated.

DS(yr1) has always dealt with his negative emotions ie jealously or anger by hitting out or by doing a sly malicious thing - in order to hurt someone else.

This isn't a regular thing, occurs more when he is tired nowadays, but was very obvious when DD was born. There is a 2 1/2yr gap between them.

We have always been very firm that this is not allowed - and he gets sent to his room after being told that it is not acceptable/not kind thing to do.

However, he is now being picked on by his former gang of friends at school, and this frustration has led to him being involved in 2 horrible incidents of violence towards other children (not in the gang)

I have a meeting with the head on Monday with regards to the latest event, and I just don't know how to help him.

Sorry for the long post.

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There is a book called 'How to talk so kids will listen, and how to listen so kids will talk'. I am reading it now, it's great.

The basic thing is to acknowledge his feelings, even if they make you sad or cross. You are his main confidant and if comes to you saying what he feels, and is told off, or questioned or undermined with 'don't be silly, that's not true' etc, then it will make him more frustrated. If he comes to you and says 'I hate this kid at school' say to him 'wow, you sound really angry' and that way he will know that you understand, he will have a name for what he is feeling, and he will be encouraged to talk about it more. If you reply in one of the other ways I mentioned, he will then have two things to be angry about - the kid and your reaction.

Once you have him talking, don't interrupt with questions, advice etc, just let him talk and see if he calms himself by getting it out, or even if he comes up with a solution all by himself. It might be enough that his anger doesn't turn violent.

Sorry, that's all really hypothetical, I have no idea how you communicate with your son, but it did remind me a bit of this book and I thought you might find it interesting.

Good luck.

Thanks I have got that book (although haven't read it really yet )

I think what we need is advice on how to encourage him to not lash out at kids at school when he is cross - because at the moment he doesn't seem to be able to cope with a particular group of kids being horrible to him.

We are trying to encourage him to seek out a teacher to help, but he isn't doing this (although I think he does try, but gets brushed off, so continues to harbour the resentment)

Sorry I can't be of more help. Hopefully someone else can!

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