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Original poster

What has motherhood helped you to see or understand?

118 replies

Portofino · 06/05/2010 15:31

And how has it enriched you?

Have left it late to do my homework for my course tonight? Any great thoughts I can steal use for inspiration?

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sungirltan · 07/05/2010 21:32

that my own mum was a really amazing and wise parent

that i have always had v strong opinions about child rearing - they just didnt have an outlet until now

that i am much much much stronger mentally/emotionally that i thought i was - so much so that having a child earlier might have been good for me and not the disater i thought it would

Original poster
Portofino · 07/05/2010 21:32

Ooh this is still going! I was thinking today about some of the comments from last night, as I bought myself a posh notebook to write down "jottings" from the course.

My learning point from today was the pressie for Mother's Day that dd made me at school (It's MD in Belgium on Sunday). I spent years fretting over the half hearted efforts that dh made for Mother's Day when dd was small and feeling all depressed etc.

All those Mother's Days are deleted the day the dcs come home with a card/pressie that THEY made themselves and tell you that they love you the bestest. It is the BEST feeling in the world and I will never care about "hallmark" cards ever again....

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sallyJayGorce · 07/05/2010 21:41

That one pair of Spanx will never again be enough.

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Flossbert · 07/05/2010 21:48

That there can be (and normally is) more than one right way of doing things.

That you cannot educate yourself about everything through books.

(Yay! First post!)

BikeRunSki · 07/05/2010 21:49

Along the lines of Nigella - can't remember who said it but it was something along the lines of "To choose to have a child, is to choose forever to have your heart walking aroudn outside your body".

Motherhood has taught me that anything can be forgiven by a hug and a smile.

It has let me into a secret club of special bonds and friendships, known only to other mums.

wukter · 07/05/2010 21:50

I'm much more empathic now.
Still put my foot in m y mouth regularly but at least feel much guiltier about it.

TurtleAnn · 07/05/2010 21:51

Tolerance, selflessness, a new found respect for my own mother
and a real appreciation for peace & quiet accompanied by a cup of tea and a large piece of chocolate

webchick · 07/05/2010 21:56

That eating a family meal with your children (even if your food is lukewarm because you always sit down last) is a precious time to enjoy & cherish.

cyteen · 07/05/2010 22:02

It has made me a much nicer, much better person - more forgiving, more open, more willing to just get on with things.

BirdyBedtime · 07/05/2010 22:18

Welcome Flossbert!

Being a mum has made me realise how many awful things I put my parents through (and that I still haven't apologised for) but that they still love me.

And that it is impossible to keep a small child clean all day (or even for a few hours) - dirt is everywhere no matter how hard you try (I'm a bit clean obsessive and have to rein in when it comes to the DCs).

kittywise · 07/05/2010 22:22

I learnt how lacking my own mother was

Original poster
Portofino · 07/05/2010 22:29

kitty, strangely it has made me miss my own mother so much more - she died when I was 4. I lived my life without her but having my own child made me REALLY notice....

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Nuttybear · 07/05/2010 22:42

Only your own child can love you this much

That I can be a good mum, my family doubted it. The best hugs in the world.
My nephews love me but not as much as they love their Mum. My ds is 5 they are 22yrs & 18 yrs. I was their lovely spinster aunt.
Your body is not your's anymore. You are a feeder (of course) climbing frame,a pillow,vehicle, legs are tunnels, hands for peek-a-boo, backs for being a horsey. Knees to bounce on. Hands to go high five or super dive.

isittooearlyforgin · 07/05/2010 22:43

not to be smug

that i'm not as patient as i thought i was

that the woman loosing it with her kid in
the street is just me but without the gritted teeth

isittooearlyforgin · 07/05/2010 22:44

not sure this is what you were looking for for your research

PerArduaAdNauseum · 07/05/2010 22:44

What Wukter said!

And that you need to cling to whatever helps you keep some sense of your own identity, however trivial or meaningless - like making sure your fridge door has clearance for a bottle of champagne with an Alessi stopper in the top regardless of how much yoghurt space you might lose or the unlikelihood of you ever having the champagne or needing the stopper

Tortington · 07/05/2010 22:45

a love i couldnt possibly comrehend if i hadnt had children.

heartache i couldnt possibly comprehend too.

debs40 · 07/05/2010 22:55

It teaches you a certain fearlessness. I worry far less about how I come across to others and small things like interviews or meetings are far less daunting. I've given birth to two kids. What could be more scary than that????

It teaches you to recognise and supress your own pointless anxieties (does my bum look big in this) in case you pass these on.

You learn a patience you never thought you had before.

And of course all the love and stuff on top

Original poster
Portofino · 07/05/2010 22:55

It wasn't research! I am doing a "Renewal" course and hadn't done my homework! Another thing I have discovered is that having children and FT job, you don't get much time to yourself, and I left homework til the last mo....

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Ffrecklefface · 07/05/2010 23:01

That my own mother was far worse than I used to think. I always thought that what she did was shit, but that it was just how life was. Now I have a child of my own it baffles me that a mother could treat a child like that.

But it has also reinforced my belief that life is wonderful, and every freckly grin from my little girl backs that up.

However, being a mother has given me The Fear. I was always quite fatalistic, but now there is an underlying terror to everything.

PerArduaAdNauseum · 07/05/2010 23:05

Oh yes, The Fear...

blueshoes · 07/05/2010 23:16

That I feel enormous love and duty towards my dcs, but I am not maternal.

tinkletinklelittlestar · 07/05/2010 23:22

What have I learned?

  1. Your body is capable of amazing things - how did that little human come out? Breastfeeding even if only for a short time...
  2. I am more tolerant of kids but not adults. Adults should know better, kids are learning.
  3. You will talk to anyone about your child whether they like it or not. I would not even entertain talking to a stranger before.
  4. Constant tiredness is the norm not the exception.
  5. You become obesessed about food for your baby - is it organic? Blah, blah.
  6. The washing machine may become the busiest appliance you have.
  7. If you need help, ask for it. You will generally get it.
  8. Do not brag about a baby that sleeps through the night from 8 weeks - no one will thank you for that. I didn't spill those beans unless asked directly!

There is still a long way to go, DD is only 22 months old!

BikeRunSki · 07/05/2010 23:26

I agree with the thoughts about missing your own mum. Mine is alive and well, but lives nearly 300 miles away. We don;t see each other that often now I am back at work. I miss my dad desperately though. He died in 1993, when i was 23. He met his first grandchild - who has just turned 18 - but i think he would have liked the rest - including DS - too. I woudl have liked to have had an adult relationship with him.

EdgarAllenPoll · 07/05/2010 23:29

That someone else laughing is a good enough reason for a giggle.

and that there is no such things as bad sleep. (for me or them)