Oh for heavens sake, please remind me that two Inferiorettes is enough!

[motherinferior]

I am very, very bad at pregnancy - hate it from start to finish, not including the SPD. I am also appalling at dealing with small babies. They reduce me to a snivelling wreck on the constant brink of ringing Social Services. I find parenting a constant struggle which is only negotiated by dint of constant whingeing on-line and in person to everyone I know. Now that my younger daughter has turned two - and I indeed have turned 42 - I am finally reclaiming some sense of my life As It Was Known Before.

Please remind me that I don't want another baby and that my current broodiness is just a pre-menopausal blip of insanity!

too true MI...
Next door neighbour now has 4 (age 4 and under).. but her mum comes for 2 days a week... and she seems to be able to farm a couple of them out at different times to other relatives.

She seems to cope remarkably well and I with a mere 2 do not ... (but I'm like you.. no support)

one word, MI: stitches.

Oh b*gger: just found myself congratulating an 'I'm pregnant' thread and nearly posted 'you lucky thing'. Am clearly quite demented. I loathe being pregnant, ffs, every single abstinent nauseated pain-ridden sleepless moment of it.

I'm staying out of this...

The only thing I'd suggest, which I'm sure you've thought of, is thinking about it from the point of view of 'Which would I regret most in five/ten years' time?'

a) having three kids and possibly not being able to cope very well/do any of them (or you) justice, say if the third was particularly demanding or if the family dynamics went haywire for some reason;

b) not having tried for a third

Better to agonise about it now, IMO, than to wish you'd decided differently when you're much further down the line

I shall be coming back to peruse this thread later.

Nobody missed me this last week then?

Great suggestion, Fauve. Dunno, I've always been a strong believer in quitting whilst you're ahead, going out on top (a la Lance Armstrong), etc. Prolly b/c I've been burned whenever I've done otherwise.

Having a child w/global developmental delay is another reason we've decided to stop at two. A neurotypical child is not a guarantee, so we thought long and hard about how many to have.

Quitting while you're ahead is an interesting way of putting it. Re-reading my post, I should perhaps add that I didn't mean to come down on one side or the other actually. Personally I would have greatly regretted not trying for a second, but stopping at two came easily, possibly because dh and I both come from two-child families. And if I'd started having kids in my twenties instead of trying to set the world to rights, then I might have had at least four.

Moo- we've been too bereft to even speak your name for fear of welling up. Thank goodness you are back.

No not at all, Fauve. I found your suggestions terrific. Definitely not weighing more on one side or another - just practical and sensible.

For us, though, we are bowing out at 2. DH is younger than I am, still in his 20s. I, however, am in my mid-30s.

BUT, his family went for a 3rd, and it really, really upset the family dynamics. The 3rd child was, well, very, very challenging, let's just say.

I come from a harmonious 2-child family.

So we both felt comfortable w/our decision.

Also as I stated our daughter has some delays, so we don't take it for granted that any child we have will be neurotypical, and this factored into our decision as well.

I think it's normal as we enter perimenopause to get an extreme urge to procreate - it seems to fit in biologically w/the body's strive for reproducing as much as possible. Seems a very reasonable urge.

For us, however, as we know that it's really in our best interests as a family to stick to 2, DH has decided he wants the snip after this one.

So if I ever get broody in my 40s, it will hopefully be a moot point.

Agree with Fauve and expat. We ended up with 3 (won't say we exactly tried). And babies are lovely, as is ds3, but I spend most of the time now terrified that he's autistic (should know by the new yearish). God only knows how we'll cope if he is- obviuosly we would- but we already rely on an army of help to deal with ds1 and 2 supposedly NT kids- if it turns out to be just one NT- well frankly that's any chance of any sort of life other than carer down the pan. DH is booked for the snip. I don't think my "paper-thin" uterus could do another pregnancy anyway.

Having said all that I think Fio should have another - as its lovely for ds2 to have a normal sibling relationship- and hopefully it will remain that way. Hopefully it'll be worth 6 months of dread in the end. And it would be lovely for her ds as well ( and good for the load to be spread between grown-up siblings).

I was broody after ds2- now I'm not at all.

But although I love ds3 to the ends of the earth and back etc etc, I'm not sure we should have had him- or at least I'm not sure it was sensible.

Well I was going to say "you are mad, woman!" but then I saw Jan's pic of miaow's bubba and

Oh, no-one can tell you what to do, and logic doesn't really come into it. If you really really want a baby, if you will feel bereft without one - then go for it. But bear in mind that things don't always go according to plan. My 5 year gap between ds1 and ds2 bears testament to that, and one of my reasons for no more is that I couldn't bear to go through that again.

I'm sticking at two - I don't do babies (I like 'em n' all, just can't cope with my own). I'm also not particularly good at being pregnant - pre-eclampsia, high blood pressure, swollen ankles, morning sickness, heartburn, acne, hair dropping out and then - just to put the tin lid on - out pops the baby and in kicks the PND.

But I think that decision of no more is such a hard one to take. I'm 99.9% sure - but not so sure that I will do anything permanent about it, I'm still dithering and on the pill. There's a teeny bit of me that hasn't quite accepted no more babies - and I think when I do accept it I will have a period of grieving (it's a saying goodbye to the excitement of pregnancy, the feeling special, the name choosing, the anticipation...and, for me, a sad little farewell to the Eliza I'm never going to have).

I also suspect that dd1's imminent departure for the school gates may have some bearing on your broodiness. I was pregnant with ds2 when ds1 started school at it did help take the edge off that particular rite of passage. Starting school is when they really start to break away - and you can feel a little redundant, I know I did. My role as number one single most important person in my child's life shifted irrevocably - suddenly Miss Gleave and Mrs Hoyle had an input!

Try imagining that the decision is taken out of your hands and you are pregnant. How do you feel?

Oh I dunno, MI...I mean, I really don't

And what's wrong with boys?

Instead of seeing them going to school as something sad - even though in a way it is - think of it as something really positive as well.

This is the time when you start getting some 'me' time back.

And he/she is in SCHOOL! Wow! That's pretty special when you think of it. Adds a whole new realm of fun - learning the read and write, maths, etc.

martha (oh how we missed you!) there's nothing wrong with boys, but if MI had one he would not be an inferiorette, y'see!

MI - can't believe your youngest is 2

Go on, have another......you know you want to

There is nothing lovelier than bringing a brand new baby home. It is a lovely experience for older children to experience - they would love to be a 'big sister'.

mears, people having babies keeps you in work - are you not a teensy bit biased ?

clary, you fibber!

Possible LOL.

I found it easier to go from 2 to 3 by the way. And even easier to from 3 to 4

I have seen inferiorette pics and I understand completely why MI wants another one like them...

Met my new great-nephew today and he is gorgeous, perfect and beautiful and runs like clockwork (4 weeks old and sleeps from 8pm to 4 am and then until 8am ) but I stopped feeling broody around babies after DS2 was born because I knew I'd had enough...I think if you don't have the right number for you the broodiness keeps on at you.

Very tough choice. Practical considerations don't really matter when it comes right down to it.

no really, moo, I have noticed that you among a few other people (Thomcat, coddy) have been missing/quiet over the last week.
I assume lots of people are on hols.
Notice cod is back this w/end tho.

by the way nobody noticed when I was away from my pc for 10 days at the start of the hols so I posted on hundreds of threads when I got back to make myself feel better lol.

Aw, you really did notice I was gone - I'm off again on Saturday.

Ahh Clary, you thought about me on my birthday! I've been in Spain and then at the Big Chill, just back, xx

Oh, sorry pressed post before I'd finished, very tired and brain of mush.
So MI - don'/t make me read the entire thread, have you been talked out of it?
Me, I'd be telling you to think ahead, not of the pregnancy / small baby bit, but think ahead, will you regret not having more? When you look into the future do you see you with 3 grown up kids or is 2 okay for you?
Big love to you anyway hon', TC x