What's the most disgusting thing you've had to do as a parent?

[Roscat]

On Saturday we decided to go for a meal for the first time with our 2 year old son and new baby (2 weeks). While dh went for a quick dash round the supermarket with ds1 I fed baby in the car and changed his nappy - and he peed all over my jeans.
We figured that if we went home and back to the restaurant or went home and cooked a meal that ds1 would have a total meltdown (he tends to if he gets too hungry and he was already starting to get difficult) so for the sake of peace we just went on into the restaurant. I would never have dreamt of doing that before becoming a parent. Luckily the pee wasn't in a place where it looked as if I had wet myself and the restaurant was quite dark.
Please reassure me with your disgusting stories..

DH once caught dd's pee in his hands and then realised that there is a limit to how much weewee one man's hands can contain, especially if they are also holding his daughter.

I made him clean the carpet on the grounds that parading her around in the nip was a silly thing to do.

I have had to manually extract a very hard poo that was stuck in my 2yr olds bottom when she had bad constipation - had to do it a couple of times actually - the first was the worst. Had to clean poo out of my other daughter's teeth - that wasn't fun but actually I think my DH had the worst job - he had to get the pieces of snail out of same dd's mouth that she'd chomped on when she was 2 - I was so glad he was there because I really don't think I could have done it.

I was reading this thinking that I hadn't had anything too bad so far but then Puppie's post reminded me that I have picked bits of sweetcorn out of the washing machine after washing a load of nappies.

At least it had been washed...

Oh I've caught vomit too many times to mention, that's not even revolting any more.

We had the poo in the bath milestone this very evening. I was very calm about it, but we have a big corner bath and usually we have a game where she stands up in the bath, I hold out the towel invitingly and she shakes her head No and sits down again so I can't wrap her in it. For emphasis she wriggles right to the back of the bath so I can't actually reach her. Eventually I 'catch' her, wrap her in the towel and lift her out. Cue much toddler laughter, etc.

So this evening, I'm saying come and let me take you out, love, and that's what she was doing, sitting down and wriggling, and smooshing her poo all over the bath with her bottom.

Ick.

I finally managed to catch her and wrap her, but then she sat back down in the towel, making it soaked and getting poo all over it. I picked her up in it anyway, but by now I'm flustered and the towel is somehow over her face. So she's freaking out, I have pooey water sloshing all over my legs and the floor, the whole thing is a disaster.

My husband comes upstairs and gets screeched at asked to help. That's not quite what he was expecting to encounter, apparently.

Caught vomit in my hands.

Oh kreecher Yikes!

'A fine mist of diarroeah covered me, she followed it up with a stream of liquid slurry all over my face'

I think you win...

[boak]

I have caught vomit in my hands. Had diarrhea come through nappy and all over my legs. Had diarrhea squirted over me.

And pulled a solid poo out of bum when constipated.

another one who has been woken up by a child vomiting on their face...

also seeing a vast turd spinning in the washing machine, having to stop the machine and remove said turd and all the little turdlets that had broken off from the rest of the washing.

DH - when i said you could wash cloth nappies with the rest of the washing i did not mean THAT kind of nappy.

fortunately dd2 is long potty trained now...

Ah yes, have had all manner of disgusting stuff spewed and pooed on me. Actually worse possibly was when DS blew a big stream of snot out of his nose at the precise moment my fork (avec fish) was en route to my mouth and I only realised quite how far it'd gone when I started to chew (boak)

Before I had children though I had good experience in such filthy things as I had a cat who wandered past with (I thought) a piece of string stuck to his bum. I gamely grabbed it and you know that magician trick where they pull and it just keeps on coming. Yep you've guess it, cat ate a ball of string

I don't have anything that can better (or worse?) kreecher's hideous bum gravy drenching, but just wanted to say HI STRETCH! Long time no see

boak at ball of string but it also reminded me...

you would be astounded at how long an undigested grape skin can be...i had to remove plenty from dd2s butt

Only been a mummy for 10 weeks but I'm suprised how quickly I've become comfortable with going out of the house with a bit of sick on me.... Also caught a few poos in my hands so far as ds has a habbit of pooing whilst I'm changing him!!!

Best friend once told me she went to the health visitors with poo on her top as she didn't have time to change cos she'd have been late for her appointment her dd is 15 weeks older than ds and I remeber thinking I'd NEVER be able to do that but the thought doesn't phase me at all now!!! Still - loving being a mummy even with all the sick wee and poo my days are filled with!!!

Only been a mummy for 10 weeks but I'm suprised how quickly I've become comfortable with going out of the house with a bit of sick on me.... Also caught a few poos in my hands so far as ds has a habbit of pooing whilst I'm changing him!!!

Best friend once told me she went to the health visitors with poo on her top as she didn't have time to change cos she'd have been late for her appointment her dd is 15 weeks older than ds and I remeber thinking I'd NEVER be able to do that but the thought doesn't phase me at all now!!! Still - loving being a mummy even with all the sick wee and poo my days are filled with!!!

I was having a conversation with my (childless) cousin and sister recently, when my sister said 'I don't know how I'll ever have children, I just couldn't cope with all the dribbling', to which my cousin replied 'yes, and you have to keep wiping their noses too'.

I might print this thread out to show them, but then I will never end up with any nieces/nephews!

The chewed up snail story actually made me be sick a little bit . And I've done all the piss/shit/vomit tasks. Still the snail is the worst.

i was holding a poorly DD and she was falling asleep on my shoulder. i heard a funny low retch/gurgle and was literally covered in vomit!! she just moved her face to the other shoulder and went back to dozing poor little love! she wasnt impressed at standing nude in the bathroom while i hosed us down

my DH wins the trophy for this in our house though

when DD was about a week old and up in the wee hours, DH was forced to pitch in and change her nappy (i was BFing her exclusively and he tried the excuse that he was scared to change her so could sleep through the night and leave me to it not happening bucko!!) well anyway... he took her nappy off and cleaned that runny BF baby poo of her, got her nice and clean and got a big finger of cream ready and literally a centimetre from her bum when she pumped and shot a massive fountain of orangey-yellow poo all over his hand and arm i nearly weed myself laughing at his horrified face

again DD...had a fixation with smearing her poo up her bedroom wall and all over herself and the carpet it was the smell that woke me so that has to be in the top ten of disgusting ways to be woken up she hasnt done it for a while which is good

Loving these! Have done the catching of vomit, the manual poo-extraction and the expolding diarrhoea boy, which resulted in both of us, plus all his clothes and mine, in the shower, followed by a complete bathroom makeover!

Best one ever, though, was when my good friend put her recently toilet-trained son in boxer shorts. we were sitting in a cafe, when she realised her ds (who was playing with my dd at the far end of the cafe) had a familiar strained look on his face. She ran and grabbed him under her arm and ran in the direction of the toilet....leaving a little trail of poop, which fell periodically from his trouser leg, as she went. The whole cafe was staring in silent horror. I got a complete fit of the giggles and ended up down on the floor with a packet of baby wipes and a dogg-poo bag! I really couldn't stop laughing- firstly because as a non-parent I would never have dreamt of picking up another person's poo from a cafe floor and secondly at the looks of abject horror I was inspiring! Classic

Hi cyteen!!

Meet up looong overdue. I think the last one was cancelled because of a trolly type person wanting to come!

I bet DS is growing up, no longer babies, are they?

Bloody hell. I feel a real fraud.

3 DCs and never had to do poo-mining or any vomit-catching.

cleaned poo off the walls (almost daily)

stopped DS2 drinking fish water

usual vomit stuff

Still changing pooey nappies on DS who is nearly 7.

My darling boy with autism.

scraped poo of children many times... have on several occasions been pulling down knickers in the toilets and the little sods have failed to mention that they'd shat themselves so ended up with a poo avalanche all over them, me and the bathroom floor.

have been vomited on repeatedly, dp one had ds1 vomit straight in his face while he had his mouth open.

have dried last available pair of childs pants, which had been peed in, in a public toilet under the handdrier as we had nothing else for her to wear home.

dd gets nosebleeds and once they start to clot we have to pull huge lumps of congealed snotty blood out of her nose, have had to do this in public places several times. Have also had to to a supermarket shop with both her and me covered head to toe in blood after a paticularily nasty one.

Have been peed on so often i don't even notice anymore.

Stretch, really? [intrigued] Yes, meet up is certainly long overdue...DS is indeed growing up, spends most of his days now running around and making his opinions known at top volume Can't believe you've got four of the blighters now!

Does disgusting things in pregnancy count? Sat/stood on the morning train to work and puked in a plastic bag every frigging day from week 8 - week 38. Then took the bag and went to the train bin. Once when I was on my way to the bin the train swerved and I fell into a fellow passenger's lap, thankfully manging to hold the bag, but very near miss! Wouldn't have been pretty

Can I add a new one? DS has a very 'productive' cough ATM and last night I picked him up for a cuddle as he was hacking away in his cot. When I lay him down again my entire neck and shoulder were covered with phlegm.

Hmmm - so many to choose from....

Worst was probably sitting in A&E with DS aged one with D&V bug. He was in just a nappy as also high temp, each bout of diarrhoea (and there were many in the time we were waiting) exploded out the sides of nappy. By the time we got seen we were both pretty foul.