PLease help me with soiling nearly 5 year old - i just don't know what to do anymore

[MerlinsBeard]

DS2 has been diagnosed Dyspraxic. He is 5 next weekend and is soiling himself after previously being toilet trained. There have been no changes in our lives, nor to our routine recently.

I don't know what o do with him.. He isn't even aware that he is doing it-although obviously is afterwards but even then he doesn't understand that its naughty.

DH and I feel that he has been wrongly diagnosed and instead does have some kind of ASD. He has many other issues and recently has got much much worse and "vacant". We are ringing our consultant on Monday to bring forward our next appointment (scheduled for January 2011!!) to ask what the hell to do with him but for now i need to know how to deal with the soiling.

Sorry to rambled. I can't do this anyway i know how!!

Do you think he could be constipated? This sometimes leads to "leakage" around the compacted poo. It's impossible for the kids to stop it coming out. If so, it's worth taking him to the GP to ask for something to clear him out.

could he be constipated? has he had a recent tummy bug - as that can cause temporary lactose intolerance) I know it's draining and frustrating dealing with poo in pants, but try not to see it as sheer naughtiness - it doesn't sound like he's doing if for a laugh.

Its not leakage it's a full and proper poo - sorry tmi.

agree with the constipation, my little cousin did this and it turned out that she had a lactose intolerance (developed after a bout of gastro) and it was causing the constipation which was then impacting and runny poo was leaking out around it.

really nasty for her.

def get to the GP

My dd soiled until she was 3 1/2. It was bloody horrible. I've posted this before, so you may have already seen this, but if not, this is I dealt with it.

I had tried rewards, reminding, books on the loo - nothing worked. I went to have a chat to the deputy head of my DD's nursery and we hatched a plan. It worked so well that that the problem resolved itself almost instantaneously.

OK, this is what we did. It might not work for you because your circumstances might be different. I admit I was sceptical of it working for us, but it really did. Incidentally, DD wasn't constipated at all and the issues hadn't started around a period of constipation. I think this would make a difference in how the issue should be approached.

1. I stopped giving any reminders about going to the loo. Absolutely none - very difficult to do! I completely left it up to DD to make her own decision.
2. I started saying, in a very casual and relaxed way, "Mummy and Daddy do poos in the loo, all the children at nursery do poos in the loo and you need to do poos in the loo to".

After a day of this, she did her first poo in the loo for four months. I fell over backwards. There were one or two accidents over the next few days.

3. If she pooed in her pants, I waited for her to come and tell me. (Previously I had pointed it out to her.) I then said "Let me know when you want to come and get changed" and walked away. This was to get rid of the usual game where DD ran away while I try to get her changed.
4. She had to help to clean herself up i.e. she helped to pull pooey pants and trousers off, and cleaned herself with wipes. I ignored her as much as possible and got on with cleaning yucky pants. I didn't comment at all, although did help a bit to get her clean at the end. I didn't give her any praise for wiping herself but was not nasty at all. It was all just very matter of fact.
5. I gave her new pants and trousers and let her get dressed by herself. Again no praise but no nastiness.

Throughout I tried to maintain a zen like calm!

It was only while dealing with pooey pants in the method I described above, that I realised how much attention she had been getting from me previously when she pooed in her pants. Previously I really thought I was giving her lots of praise for doing the right thing and ignoring when things were going wrong, but I just wasn't. I was cleaning her up through gritted teeth and making lots of cross, annoyed comments. Also, reminding her lots and lots, which of course meant she know exactly which buttons to press when she wanted my attention.

Really hope this helps.

I have been trying not to see it as him being naughty - it is out of his control but its so hard to not lose my patience or be - dare i say it - disappointed in him and myself for not being able to do it!

Not had a stomach bug unless it just affected his stomach and is only coming about now?

He is just not aware that he is doing it and is already being labelled the smelly boy

Or, if you think he might have ASD, do you know about social stories? One based around pooing in the loo might help.

DS2 was never really clean until he was 5. He'd have spells when he did really well and then weeks on end where he soiled himself everyday. These were proper poos, not a bit of leakage, but it was a mild laxative that sorted him out.

It was explained to me that when they're constipated, they feel the need to go all the time, so they don't recognise when they really need to go iyswim.

After the initial medication, which sorted him out in about 3 days, we'd only have to give 1 or 2 doses to have him using the toilet properly again if he had a relapse.

I suspect to some extent it was all in his mind - he believed the medicine helped him ,but as it was a very low dose and I was desperate, I was happy with that.

sorry neolara, i x posted there. I have already been thru that with him. 9 times out of ten he is not aware but he will occasionally go to the toilet. Not wiping properly(or at all) i can cope with better i think!
I wonder if i am going to have to try and go back to square one with him?

Our ds was 4.3 when he stopped pooing in his pants even though he had been dry for 6 months before and I have to agree that ignoring the problem worked for us. My dh used to get cross and I used to just clean him up and I suggested that we both ignored both ds and the poo and one day he asked to sit on the potty to poo and fingers x he still is!