How important is paternal involvement? I need to make some life choices.

[tortoiseonthehalfshell]

Our current set up means that our daughter (16 mo) gets two full days with each parent, as well as 2 short days at nursery and a family day.

I know that the orthodoxy says that it's better for children this age to be at home with a parent not at nursery. If we did that, it would mean me giving up work, and my husband working long hours, often travelling for a week or two on end, to finance it.

We always talk about the importance of a primary caregiver. I don't read a lot about the importance of having two - maybe because it's impractical for most people?

I think our daughter gets a lot out of spending significant time with each of us. We have different parenting styles, so she's adaptable and knows the difference between us,and she's not learning that Mums have one role and Dads have another. It's good for our relationship, too, not having one parent who's the expert.

But then, there's the nursery aspect. Does the benefit of having her at home outweigh the benefit of her spending days with her Dad?

Am I just crazy to assume it's beneficial to spend days with two different parents at all?

Does your daughter seem happy and settled with the current arrangement? If she does then I'd continue with it. If the changes in caregiver seem to be unsettling for her, then you could consider the other option for a couple of years?

My thinking is that it is lovely for your dd to get to spend time with both parents and if she seems happy with it then fab. If she finds it unsettling then she may find you at home a better option.

Is she happy? I think it sounds like a lovely arrangement and she gets to spend time with both parents. Unless she doesn't seem happy, just go with the flow and enjoy

id say if its not broke dont fix it. if this is working for you then continue - this is pretty much how we parented.

DH worked nights, i worked days, so we split the childcare and had help from childminder etc. 2 short days at nursery could actually be beneficial in all sorts of ways. she is getting the best of both worlds imo.

if it works and everyone is happy why change it?

your set up sounds ideal! if only more parents could both spend decent time with kids..we currently have the 'classic' set up and I stay at home and frankly i spend half my life wishing I were at work, and DH wishes he were at home. Also, kids need socialising. If they are very confident at home, which your daughter should, they will flourish at nursery and enjoy the social aspect; especially for an only child, its important. Read more media junk about the problems of work and parenting and I think you'll see you've got an ideal set up! well done, I'd say.

Well she's a really happy child, people comment on it a lot. But a) at this age, who knows? Maybe she's just compensating. and b) she is really clingy around me when she does see me. Not her Dad, who she spends exactly as much time with though. But me. She needs to be in constant physical contact, cries if I put her down and go to another room (she can walk!),etc.

The thing is, I'd quite like to be at home. But I do feel like it would be unfair to her, because she'd gain some mum and lose a lot of Dad.

And no-one writes books about how children should spend more time with Dad!