Just lost it with dd1. I want to bang my head off a wall. I can't deal with her anymore.

[suiledonne]

We have an ongoing battle about clothes.

She has weird issues about her socks, her trousers, sleeves....

And now it has spilled over into her not wanting to wear her shoes.

We can't leave the house without a major battle.

I thought she would grow out of it. It has been going on forever.

Maybe there is actually something wrong with her and I am handling it so badly.

She is nearly 4.

I'm so upset. I just ripped her socks off and told her to get out of the house. DH was trying to do a nice thing - taking her out for a while and she just complained so much about everything.

Just want to give up now..................

I really feel for you She's at that age where she's trying to find herself and her identity, she's testing your boundaries. Have you tried turning it into a game? I found this really helpful, do a race "can you put your socks on before I can put mine on?"

Thanks Belle but the problem is I don't think it is a boundaries or age thing.

It has been going on a long time.

She really seems to hate the sensation of her clothes.

I don't know what to do.

If I take her to the doctor and say 'she doesn't like wearing clothes' they will laugh at me but that is esentially it.

She wants to wear only a t-shirt and underwear all the time.

She would prefer to stay at home like that than have the best day out ever.

Sorry if you have already tried this. Could you pre-select 2 outfits before bedtime?(hide all other clothes out of sight if necessary) Try and pick things she is likely to "approve" of.

Explain to her that she needs to choose one outfit, (include everything she will need inc shoes, socks, underwear) and she needs to choose before bed.

If necessary you may have to buy a 2nd item of footwear if she only has one pair of shoes.

Health visitor may be able to advise further?

My son's 10 and he doesn't like wearing clothes, we have future nudists!!

My little brother didn't like wearing clothes with tags so we had to cut the washing instructions/tags out of all of his clothes. Do you allow her to wear what she wants? Dresses are often looser then a skirt/trousers. Are her socks/shoes too tight?

Have you got the book 'The Highly Sensitive Child?' your DD may fit this type of description, as one of the aspects is a sensitivity to textures of clothes and labels etc.

i've just read it and it fits my DS1, who is now 9, but we had many frustrating battles like you decsribe when he was younger. (I had to cut all labels out of clothes)

look at the website for 'highly sensitive child' it gives you a checklist to see if they may fit the description (it's a description of a personality type/trait and not a disorder).

Other triats are 'shyness', withdrawn, intense emotion (may be expressed or suppressed my Ds is a supresser), sensitivity to smell, intuitive, observant.

Sorry if this doesn't seem relevant but your OP struck me it might.

My Ds is such an easy child in some ways no tanrums, misbehaviour) but he has driven me mad with his worry and complaining at times.

I have heard of something called "clothing sensitivity disorder" - it doesn't sound like a big autism-type problem, but I don't think a doctor would laugh at you if you went to talk to them about it. The website below has a discussion about it.

www.medhelp.org/posts/Child-Behavior/4-year-old-wont-wear-clothes/show/277238

are you talking about my DD?
off to google

I think you have to sort out in your head whether she is being bloody minded or genuinely because the approach for each is radically different. If it's the latter, take her shopping on her own and get her to try on the whole shop if necessary to find one or two outfits that she is happy to wear, then buy them in all the colours available. Ditto with shoes - does she prefer boots, sandals, crocs, flip flops? Go with whatever she wants, honestly she can't help it and it will save your sanity (and make her much happier too).

If on the other hand she's being bloody-minded...

My dd was exactly how you describe when she was 4.
She would scream while I was putting her socks on and pull them off again it was a PITA.
We since found out dd has Dyspraxia and when I mentioned the clothes issue to her occupational therapist she seemed to think it was quite common.
I am not saying your dd has this just thought I should mention it.

have ordered te book

You have my sympathies - my DS has a real thing about clothes. Ever since he has been old enough to object he wont wear anything with buttons or zips, anything hard (ie jeans) or anything with a collar.

He is slightly better than a couple of years ago - his school uniform was a particualr triumph. He will wear his polo shirt for school with the buttons cut off and the collar tucked into his jumper. The day he put his brother's on and did up the buttons I actually cried! (only happened once and it was an emergency)

TBH I have given up trying to get him into 'nice' clothes - it just isn't worth the hour of pleading and crying to get it on to him (the crying not just from him!) He always looks so scruffy but at least we get out of the house. I am hoping that once he gets to an age when peer pressure takes over he will smarten up.

There is a recognised condition were people have over sensitvie skin and clothes just irritate them. Can't find a link at the moment.

Can you get her to choose clothes she will wear? and get her lots of the same?

My DD (just turned 4) is similar. We have many issues about her socks not "being right". At the moment she is happy to wear leggings, but wont wear jeans or trousers. She often strips down to her underwear when we get home. I am longing for the summer when she can just wear a lose summer dress.

Thanks for taking time to reply. It helps to hear I am not the only one with a child like this.

I am crying now because I feel so crap about it.

I think she may fall under the category of highly sensitive. I answered yes to a lot of the questions. I am ordering the book. Thanks for the link

I posted recently about her fears and nervousness about noise too so I think there is more to it than misbehaviour.

I just love her so much but if you saw her you would report me to Social Services.

Her hair is matted at the back as she will not let me brush it with anything other than a baby hair brush. Hairwashing is a battle that exhausts me for days after. She regularly wears things that are too small as she hates anything new.

She is a bit 'different' I think. Has a huge imagination and is very verbally advanced for her age.

She is very clingy to me and I rarely get a break.

Wow Eccentrica that was quick.

I have been finding the book very helpful, it all seems to fit with DS so much. I just wish I'd read it earlier I think I've given him a hard time over the years, instead of understanding more why he was like this, and excepting that's it's OK to be like that, it doesn't need to be 'fixed.'

there is an intersting chapter on parnets who aren't highly sensitive being parents to a highly sensitive child and the diffiuclties that can cause (and the positives). This helped me as I am quite extrovert, laid back, non worrier, give thngs a go sort of person, so at times I found my DS's relucatnt, worry, silent/ quiet, avoidant type behaviour infuriating but I can see now we are just diffrent, it's like releasing a pressure valve for me.

I've spent years wondering why he was like this, what did I do to take all his confidence away and make him anxious etc etc? I now feel bettre that I didn't do anything, but sad I didn't understand him before.

Sorry again if this is not relevant OP.

Thanks for the link Jane - I knew I had read about it being a proper condition!

I lol the advice on the forum: "Try turning the air conditioner down as cold as it will go. Then if that doesn't work, seek professional help." if only.......

Su, just read your last post, get the book, it sounds like she fits the description so much. Obvioulsy it won't solve all your problems, but like with me you may find that 'pressure valve' will be released and your anger and frutration with her will decrease.

I can imagine how you've been with her, as I've probably been similiar with DS when he was younger, in one way sensitive children are so easy but in another way they push the anger buttons in you in a way other children don't. You do feel they're 'not right' or 'different', but actually there are lots like them and they are quite OK (if annoying at times).

the joys of amazon one click.

I've been saying for years that DD is over sensitive but never knew there was an official term for it.
She's also waitng on a PDDAG assessment as i'm fairly sure she's somewher along the autistic spectrum.
DD has a clothes thing - most trousers irritate her. she wears the same nasty scruffy Tshirts all the time. I haven't seen her looking decent in years.
She is also over sensitive to smells which make her feel sick, noise which stresses hr, crowded palces which overwhelm her, food tastes and textures and life in general.
She is impossible to live with.

"I just love her so much but if you saw her you would report me to Social Services."

LOL - this is me! For my DH's cousin's wedding I had DT1 in a pair of black jeans, white shirt and tie and black dinner jacket, cue lots of admiring glances, 'isn't he cute' etc. DT2 - a football shirt, tracksuit bottoms that were flapping round his ankles and bare feet. Every person I spoke to I felt like I had to offer a full explanation of why he was dressed like a tramp while my other one was so smart just in case they thought that I was taking favouritism to the extreme with some Cinderella type scenario. (they were 3 at the time so most people didn't care!)

Think of all the money you are saving not having to buy party dresses and outfits!

Correction they were 4 at the time.

He is also terrifed of loud noises and is extremely anxious in new situations but calms down the minute we get there.

Thank you - I've just googled 'highly sensitive child'and the link I happened to click on describes my dd perfectly and me when I was younger I think. I so wish I had read this years ago, I'm going back to read and take notes.

I am crying again.

potplant I love your description of your boys at the wedding. We have a dd2 who is 16 months and it is such a joy to dress her up and show her off but I feel like I have to make excuses for dd1 and I hate that. She is a wonderful person in her own right. I know she doesn't have to fit a mould but other people can be very judgemental.

Brideshead They are the exact thing I worry about with dd. Why is she like this? What did I do to make her so anxious?
Well, you have inspired me to lay off my guilt trip and see what I can do to make all our lives easier.

Eccentrica I hope the book helps us get a handle on things.

Dd is a lover of knickers and skin too in the house. She's 3.3 and I have huge fights with her. 'I want to wear a pretty dress'. Gets pretty dress, won't wear a cardigan. 'you'll be cold'. 'No I won't', so I try to 'teach her a lesson' and let her just wear her recently aquired thin coat over her 'pretty dress', but it rarely works and the one time it did, I doubt she remembers. I have her screaming because she doesn't want to leave the house, so I pick her up and get her into the porch, then out of the porch, screaming 'leave me here on my own' all the way down the road to the car...I'm amazed no one has called the police tbh. I want to throttle her at times.

What I'm trying to say is that you are not alone and it's likely to pass; it's just very frustrating going through it.

DS is like this and to be honest I just let him get on with it. The only time he gave in was when it snowed and even then he would only wear a light weight spring type coat. I also let him pick what he wants to wear.

Su, I have a younger child too, who is so cheery , enthusiatic and more optimistic.

In lots of ways I find him easier and this adds to the guilt, or the fear that I may be enjoying one child more than another, or even loving them more.

of course this isn't true, the crying now (and I've been there) is because you love them so much, but you just don't know what to do.

I ache with love for ds1 but soemtimes we just didn't understand each other.

We're getting there though, and I just so much want to do the right thing for him beacuse I love him so much.