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Original poster

Just lost it with dd1. I want to bang my head off a wall. I can't deal with her anymore.

53 replies

suiledonne · 26/03/2010 12:53

We have an ongoing battle about clothes.

She has weird issues about her socks, her trousers, sleeves....

And now it has spilled over into her not wanting to wear her shoes.

We can't leave the house without a major battle.

I thought she would grow out of it. It has been going on forever.

Maybe there is actually something wrong with her and I am handling it so badly.

She is nearly 4.

I'm so upset. I just ripped her socks off and told her to get out of the house. DH was trying to do a nice thing - taking her out for a while and she just complained so much about everything.

Just want to give up now..................

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
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stealthsquiggle · 26/03/2010 14:47

OP - good luck with the book. It does sound likely - and I do know dyspraxic children with huge ishoos over clothes (especially stiffer things like jeans and shirts)

I am guessing your DD1 is just about old enough now that you might be able to sit down in a calm moment and talk through exactly what she doesn't like and see if you can find clothes which she could tolerate.

A friend's DD1 had a real thing about anything around her waist, neck or wrists. They developed a wardrobe of scoop-neck dresses, loose-sleeved T-shirts and tights only when absolutely freezing (and even then she would pull them down so that they were round her hips) - jumpers, coats, gloves were a real battle and trousers a non-starter - she wouldn't even wear pyjamas. Of course their DD2 is a tomboy and refuses to wear any of the dresses she inherited from her sister, demanding jeans instead

Triggles · 26/03/2010 19:34

My niece dislikes clothing - has always said that it's uncomfortable or scratches or just doesn't like the "feel" of it on her skin. Her mum (after ages of trying different things) ended up turning her socks inside out (so she couldn't feel the seams at the toes, as they were a major issue for her for some reason), and once she found anything that was deemed remotely comfortable, she bought a few of that item, and niece wore those items underneath regular clothing. Socks and shirts seemed to be the worst culprit. She could get around trousers by wearing skirts quite a bit. And clothing tags drove her mental, had to be cut out.

elgreco · 26/03/2010 21:28

My DS (almost 5) was/is very similar, I gave up long ago fighting about his clothes. He wouldnt wear long sleeves, jeans, cords etc. For a while he wouldn't wear any bottoms other than shorts! Thankfully I don't care what he looks like as long as he is comfy but he does get cold which is very frustrating. I don't brush his hair and I used to turn his socks and vests inside out, I cut some tags off clothes. He has got gradually better and will wear very soft cardis now with soft tracksuit bottoms and sometimes even chooses long sleeve tops. I can relate easily tho as I sometimes cut tags off my own clothes as I cannot bear the feel of them, I hate tight or scratchy or hard clothes and belt buckles (he hates these too). So she may never grow out of it but it is probably not part of a bigger issue. Buy clothes she is comfy in and let her choose her outfit the night before, life is too short to argue over clothes! Oh also maybe the inner soles of her shoes are wrinkled or creased, had to chuck out recently bought shoes as the inner sole had a crease(where the bloody cars used to live)

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agliksten · 27/03/2010 09:31

Hello
my daughter now nearly 7 years old spent years not wanting to wear knickers, socks, tights, certain shoes and it drove me crazy, and then suddenly when she was 6 things started to get better. We used to get huge screaming tantrums everytime we had to leave the house and she spent several winters wearing boots with no socks inside. There was only one type of knicker that she liked and sometimes even those wouldn't do. I used to think she was disturbed or that i'd done something really bad but the truth is some children are just funny about clothes and they grow out of it. She still has little issues with her tights if they are a bit itchy or her socks if they fall down inside her boots but she seems to be able to let it go now that she is older rather than getting really worked up all the time. I think you should just let her wear whatever is comfortable and try not to worry about it.

cornsilk · 27/03/2010 09:45

Can I join in! My ds is also very sensitive to clothes - won't wash, brush or wash his hair, won't do his teeth. School uniform is a massive issue for us. Won't want to change shoes when he grows out of them.

EccentricaGallumbits · 27/03/2010 13:25

Y'know i thought of you cornsilk when i was posting up there!
How are things?

cornsilk · 28/03/2010 15:26

We're still bumbling along eccentrica -what about you?

EccentricaGallumbits · 28/03/2010 18:50

crashing from one trauma to anothr - much of a muchness really. waiting for PDDAG assessment - even though i'm still not sure it would benefit anyone. school are shite and still ignoring me.

cornsilk · 28/03/2010 21:55

what's PDDAG?

SparklyGothKat · 28/03/2010 22:01

God, My dd2 is like this, she hated clothes when she was younger (she is 8 now) and now she refuses to wear certain materials, and socks 'feel funny' I just thought she was being a PITA

elmofan · 28/03/2010 22:04

hi suiledonne , i have been on some of your threads in the past , how is your dd's eczema ATM ? might it be that she just feels too hot in clothes therefore her skin itches ? i ask because my dd loves nothing better than to walk around in a long t-shirt & let the air at her skin .

Original poster
suiledonne · 29/03/2010 08:33

Hi elmo, how are things? Saw your thread about your poor ds being bullied but didn't post as I don't have any experience with older kids. Hope things have improved for him,

I didn't realise you were in Ireland too.

DDs skin is great at the moment - the best it has ever been. Not looking forward to the summer though as she has a grass allergy.

How is your dd doing?

OP posts:
elmofan · 29/03/2010 10:11

good morning
thanks , we are just glad its the Easter holidays tbh , gives ds a break from school worries .
yes I'm in Dublin , you ?
dd has been having a bad flare up with her eczema as of late but i reckon its because i have put her into her own room & out of our bed , she's getting there though , i know what you mean about dreading the summer , and we are forecast for a hot one this year .
thats brilliant that your dd skin is good , i reckon the clothes issue is just habit with her tbh , because like my dd their skin tends to over heat they like to strip off to keep cool , is your dd starting school this September ? my dd is the same about having her hair brushed , i swear the neighbours must think we are torturing her same when we have to wash her hair .
hows the baby ? x

Original poster
suiledonne · 29/03/2010 10:56

I'm in Tipp elmo.

Didn't know we were in for a hot summer. DH just said at least we know the winter is over because its raining again.

DD1 is going to do a year of playschool from September. We took her out last year because her asthma was so bad and even though she will be old enough for school (4 in may) I don't think she is ready for it.

My baby is 16 months now and thriving. She has had only one cold so far compared to dd1 at this age who was living on antibiotics and steroids. Only problem is she is reluctant to cut back on breastfeeding and has me awake half the night.

With dd and the clothes I go from thinking it is a habit with her to thinking it is a real anxiety. She is overdue for her last check with the Public Health Nurse so I am going to make an appointment and mention it to her. She is very irritable and anxious lately so might be worth looking into it.

I hope you enjoy the Easter holidays and your ds has a chance to relax.

OP posts:
elmofan · 29/03/2010 15:02

ahh i have family in tipp i will be spending a week there in the summer hols , any recommendations for days out ? i have heard bun ratty castle is good .
definitely visit the health nurse & tell her all of your concerns , try (i know it can be very hard especially when you dont get a break yourself ) to not make a big issue with dd1 about clothes , you must be worn out if still not getting a full nights sleep . is there any family that could take dd1 overnight or even for a few hours during the day to give you a break ? xx

CMOTdibbler · 29/03/2010 15:41

I sympathise with her tbh - I hate itchy/scratchy/funny feeling/tight things on me, and it was a thousand times worse when I was a child.

I cut the labels out of my clothes, can't wear anything that touches my neck, don't wear wool, can't abide fake fur etc.

It really can be a complete sensory overload that you just can't help.

Loose t shirt material dresses, soft leggings, socks with no seams and no tight tops, crocs, and all labels removed are good starting points

Some people run hotter than others and don't need a coat on - DH never wears more than a fleece, even in -5'C

Original poster
suiledonne · 29/03/2010 15:44

Not very patriotic to say so but not a whole lot to do in Tipp. The Rock of Cashel is impressive but it wouldn't make a day out on it's own.

We regularly go to the Discovery Park in Castlecomer in Kilkenny. It has a playground, woodland walks, art and crafts studios and a lovely restaurant. Depending on the time of year it has activities for families.

Where in Tipp will you be based? I might come up with more ideas.

OP posts:
runnybottom · 29/03/2010 15:59

I was also the same as a child. Even now I can't bear wearing socks with no shoes, tights, certain fabrics I just can't touch. Can't explain why at all, but I remember being very upset about being forced into clothes as a child.

elmofan · 29/03/2010 16:14

my relations live in Roscrea north tipp , i am under strict orders to stay with them or they are going to dis-own me i have been meaning to go for the last three years but never got there in the end . the discovery park sounds nice

MuppetsMuggle · 29/03/2010 16:26

my DD aged 5 is fussy with her clothes, will only wear certain things and if socks go on they have to be straight same again with tights. She wears trousers or skirts to school with no zip or buttons (elasticated) she wears polo shirts with just 2 buttons on, as she doesn't like to wear blouses. soon as shes home from school, she strips down to her panties and puts either a dress on or one of her PJ tops. She is 5yrs old and also has a touch of OCD for being clean, must always have clean hands and if her clothes get dirty she automatically fusses until you've got her changed into something else.

Every night I lay out her school uniform for her to get changed into soon after shes had breakfast and brushed her teeth. at the weekend I give her 2 options of clothes as its soo much easier, and when i buy clothes I always get her involved as to what she may like to wear and it seems to be getting easier and not so stressy to get her dressed of a morning.

Hope your book helps, and she gets better over time

Spottydog · 29/03/2010 16:27

I found that this book really helped me to understand my DD, it has a good insight into sensitive children and also practical ways that you can help her (and you!) cope with overwhelming situations.

Original poster
suiledonne · 29/03/2010 16:41

elmo My mother is from Roscrea. I spent every summer there as a child and have lots of family there.

Maybe we are related.

CMOT The clothes you decribed are exactly the kind of things she tolerates. I have just ordered two dresses from Jojo Maman for her.

The summer will be easier as last year she wore crocs and t-shirt dresses or cotton skirts and t-shirts.
She doesn't seem to feel the cold at all. She will happily go around in t-shirt and knickers even when it is snowing outside and our house is far from warm.

muppets thanks for the tips. I do find giving her a choice difficult and also letting shop with me as she is so negative about everything but I am hoping that is just phase.

The only item of clothing she ever loved was a really expensive cotton party dress I bought in a sale for her to wear to BIL's wedding. She wore it for the entire summer til it became a rag. I looked for another one but couldn't find one anywhere.

spottydog Thanks for the book recommendation. I have ordered the Highly Sensitive Child so i'll see how that goes first.

OP posts:
MuppetsMuggle · 29/03/2010 16:54

DD still comes home and strips into a dress we brought last summer, is far to small but indoors i don't mind to much.

Have you suggested a girlie shopping day with her and say you'll get lunch etc, just the 2 of you? hopefully its a phase and she'll grow out of it

elmofan · 29/03/2010 17:02

suiledonne you are probably one of my cousins lol
any relations in Rathcabbin by any chance ?

scumarmfa · 30/03/2010 16:59

hi chick, I know its crap, but hang in there! My son has had behavior issues since he was born, so i know the desperation you are feeling. you would probably be surprised at how understanding people are about these type of things.When we are presented with new challenges, one thing we will try is to call thier bluff. if theres no deathly dangers,see how they go.If she wants to go out in just her tshirt and knickers let her.See how long she lasts.I know its been going on a long time, but dont underestimate how determined they can be,and remember it doesnt take long for habits to form,meaning it could be habit for her to protest rather than it being a genuine problem.If she will willingly go to the zoo in her said attire and stay like it no matter what the weather, then perhaps its worth investigating. Distraction can be a usefull tactic and another with really young kids is to get yourself ready then tell them your going without them.Bless you take care and remember no one is expecting you to be perfect!x