1mo and 20mo - Struggling, tips needed

[mama2moo]

I have been very close to tears most days this week and nearly screamed today.

DD2 (1mo) has only slept twice today and dd1 (20mo) has been a nightmare because she is bored.

I am so tired because dd2 isnt sleeping well I dont know what to do. I managed to sleep when dp got home.

DD1 watches Cbeebies but gets bored of it. I was going to get the play dough out today but dd2 just wouldnt sleep or settle unless being fed or rocked.

I try to go out for walks but getting dressed and ready is a massive task now.

Any tips? Will it get better?

It does get better.

20 months between my two and those first few weeks aren't easy.

Cut yourself some slack and just have small goals. Took me ages to get the hang of two demanding children and mostly DS had to fall into the routine of his elder sister.

My DD does most of her activities up at the table (strapped into a booster chair) where I can keep an eye on her without actaully being there.

All mess can be cleaned up later.

Hang in there....things always seem so much worse when you are sleep deprived.

It does get better

i have the same gap as you betwen my second and third, and it's very tiring!"

i would suggest a decent sling, a moby or a woven wrap perhaps? that way you can sling LO which should leave you handsfree to do stuff like play-doh with your eldest, and also get baby to sleep more!

it IS worth getting out of the house. I know it seems like a massive task, but it is do-able, and you'll probably all feel better for getting out for a walk or going to the park.

we sometimes walk into town and just mooch around the shops and have a coffee and cake just for something to do and a change of scenery. for a treat ds2 gets to go and play in ELC for a bit! lol

LOL at playing in ELC Great idea!

I do have a Mei Tai sling but dd doesnt seem happy in it. Maybe I will try again.

Good to know it will get better

I have the same gap with my two. DD watched lots of Tv in the early days and DS was left to cry on occasion.

DD had special toys that only came out while I was feeding DS - new colouring and stuff.

I also got her a fresh drink and snack before I fed him (hence leaving him to cry for a couple of mins while I got her food!) which helped keep her happy.

Does your older child nap? I worked hard to get DS to take a long lunchtime nap at the same time as DD but it takes time to get into this routine - and I know this isn't possible for every baby as DD never had a routine when she was young! I used to wake DS 2 hrs before DD's lunchtime nap so he was tired again when she went to bed. Obviously a month is pretty young for this but it's somehting to think about for the coming months.

I found fresh air a lifesaver - DS would sleep in the buggy and DD would run around like a maniac (on reins) in the park.

Getting out in the mornings - I used to get up, feed DS then put him in the bouncy chair in the bathroom while I showered. Then got DD up.

yeah i never got on with my MT with a newborn, although I did manage to do some back carries with it, which helped whil cooking dinner! lol

i think mine could never get their legs comfy in it and they were much better if i did legs out. you can tie a hairband or something around the body of the sling, low down, to make it narrow enough to fit between her legs, that might help?

Ooh yes, missed the crucial bit - it does get a lot better! You'll find the best way for you.

DS will be 2 next month and DD is 3.6 and they get on so very well. They entertain each other most of the time (with squabbles here and there!) making my life very easy.

I used a hug a bub sling with ds 3 whilst I was playing with ds 2.

I totally advocate getting out everyday. I used to walk to the shops even when I didn't need anything just for something to do!

I had to get out for ds 1's school run which really helped establish a routine and quickly...
Would a routine help you do you think? We did school run, feed for ds 3 then he slept. I played with ds 2/did jobs. Then fed ds 2/got ds 3 up and then ds 2 had his nap while I spent time with ds 3. We then go and pick up ds 1.

It is very tough but you will get through it -do you have anyone who could help you at all?

I had a 20 month gap too and my 2nd was a screamer to boot.

Yes to sling - invaluable.

Yes to getting out - anywhere! It always felt like a ridiculous thing to do and as though I couldn't possibly manage to get us out and about and still cope. BUT, somehow, it was easier.

I struggled with mooching round the shops as the 20 month old was quite hard work. But library, toddler groups, soft play were all good.

Another tip is to stop worrying about how things 'should' be done and concentrate on survival. If it is easier and less stressful to spoon feed the 20 month old with the baby in a sling, then do it regardless of whether she 'should' be feeding herself. Ignore people telling you she 'should' be potty trained etc etc.

16 months between my first 2. It does get easier. I had dd doing puzzles/ reading books on sofa with me while I fed ds. Used a sling a LOT. Had many but in the end the baby bjorn worked best for me. Got out of the house every day without fail, even if just to shops or park. DD had one of those trike things with a big handle sticking out the back? would have ds in the sling and push her along on that, which seemed to satisfy her more than the pram - guess she felt more independent.

My ds wasn't a good sleeper either, which seemed vastly unfair after dd had been so good. At least if had been the other way around I'd have had a chance o catch up.

and although this is probably far removed from where your head is right now, having the first 2 close together does make it way easier to have a 3rd. My dc3 is 5mo now and it's si much easier than No2 was bc of the fact that dd & ds1 are such good mates.

Hang in there. Caffeine and a decent serum are your friends