Dummies or not?

[Lizzer]

Right then folks, I'm feeling in a debating mood today so I'm going to throw open a topic for the thrashing out, holding no punches (in the nicest possible way of course!)...

I HATE dummies - there I've said it. I can just about stand seeing them in a tiny baby's mouth, even though I prefer to see what the child actually looks like rather than a lump of plastic and two little eyes. I can't stand seeing children over the age of 6 months with one, hate it when they're trying to speak with one attached or having one shoved in their gob by their parent. Basically I wonder why people bother. My daughter was far from an angelic, wonder baby that never cried, she was in fact very demanding (still can be) but cuddles and feeds got us through the early months - would a dummy have made all the difference? I am opening this up to see if I can understand why people give them to their babies at all, is it something you plan in advance - do you take them in with your labour bag or is desperation the main cause? Does it stop them crying completely? Does anyone wish they hadn't bothered or couldn't live without one - if so, why? Or does anyone feel as strongly as me?

Like I said I fancy a challenge today, so come on then....!

Gail01 - you could try putting some really awful tasting medicine or food on the finger they like to suck and that may deter the sucking.... or something sour tasting!!

My 7 week old indicates she is hungry by putting a closed fist around her mouth constantly. If no one notices she will go up another level by using a thumb, by that time she is really hungry.
I use a dummy or she uses one I should say just to calm herself down and go to sleep. She loves to flail her arms and constantly kicking I don't know how she keeps any food down. I insert a dummy after she has had every 2 ounces of milk just so she can burp and not get all frazzled about not having the bottle in her mouth. She doesn't notice at all.
And that dummy comes in moves helpful when she has been fed, wearing a clean nappy but still making noise and I want to keep her quiet, more like being occupied.
I do believe she will stop using the dummy when she pleases and won't be a slave to it. When she doesn't want it, twing and out it comes flying. She does let us know then.

My daughter (now two) had a dummy from the age of two weeks, she was very colicky and the dummy helped sooth her(and me!) immensely. She stopped using the dummy when she was about 9mths old, she just didn't want it any more. I also hate seeing dummies being misused, and I think they can be detrimental to childrens health/teeth if used for too long, but I don't see any harm in letting a young child have one if they need it.
On the other topic, my daughter had her ears peirced when she was 18mths old, I had it done because it is something that has always been done in my family - not for religious reasons, or anything like that. It wasn't an ordeal for her, she didn't even realise it was being done, and it was easy for me to take care of the piercings because she was so young. I had my ears pierced when I was 6mths old, and I am glad my mum did it, I think most little girls will want to have their ears peirced and isn't it better to do it while the child is young when you can take care of it properly yourself? Personally I am glad my mother had mine done because I am such a wimp!! and would have been too scared to have it done when I was older, but would have felt awfully left out, as all my friends had earrings.

i dont like to see young children with piercings. i am heavily pierced myself, (ears, nose, lip and eyebrow) but the youngest i got my piercings was 12 (and that was only my ears). my dd1 is only 3 and is already showing signs that she doesnt like piercings. she asks me if they hurt, and tells my mum she doesnt want piercings. i dont think its a parents right to pierce a child who cant give their consent to something that will always be with them (the piercings or the scars). i dont care if people think its looks great, i was being told by loads of women to get my dd2 ears pierced as she would look so cute with her ears pierced and her curly hair, but i belive a childs body is their own, its not up to me what they want. my kids might grow up to be totally against piercings and would possibly hate mein years to come if i went out and had their ears pierced.

I don't like dummiews and thankfully didn't have to use one. My DD was a good sleeper and sought out her thumb when she needed to but hasn't turned into a thumb sucker. What I really don't like is seeing older kids out and about during the day with a dummy. I don't know why they still have dummies and why they are having them in the day. if someone wants to explain why then great, but until i know of a good reason for it I think it;s horrible.
On the subject of piercing - I think to have a young childs ears pierced is disgusting. There is NO reason for it. It looks awful, cheap and tacky, not at all cute and pretty . I think it's a really weird thing to want to do to a small child and is the mother pushing some twisted desire of hers onto a child. Why would you do it?
If your daughter wantrs her ears pierced then she can choose to do so when she's old enough. What's so difficult about keeping them clean. Sorry I feel so strongly about babies and pierced ears, basically I think it's wrong.

yes, yes, yes, to dummies!! Our ds cried constantly for about the first 3 days home from hospital (and I mean constantly) until we popped a dummy in his mouth, and then it was BLISS!

I agree they look silly on babies and especially toddlers, but I wouldn't have done without them for the first few months.

He's now 19 months and only has them in his cot for sleeps - he throws them back in his cot each morning and is perfectly happy without them during the day.

We'll probably wean him off them at night in the next 6 months or so, but we'll see - I'm not willing to lose 12 hours of him sleeping a night!

I am very pro dummies. I have researched it and there are no problems associated with teeth etc until at the earliest around 24 months, with most research showing no real problems if the child gives up by three or four. There are real advantages to. Children who use dummies tend to have less tooth decay due to more saliva in the mouth and are much less likely to smoke in later life. Really.
Why use them? Because they made my son happy, secure and contented. He sleeps wonderfully and is a very happy boy. He still uses his dummy during the day from time to time, particularly when he is tired or uncertain. I feel it is not my place to tell him to stop doing something he enjoys because I think it looks silly. Piercings are a different matter. No baby wants a needle stuck in their ear, and it doesn't benefit them, so I think it is not a good thing.

Gail01, please leave your baby to find her own comfort. This kind of sucking will mean an awful lot to her emotionally and will do her no harm.

Yeah but why give a baby a dummy if they don't need it Aloha? My little girl slept through the nigh from day 8. She goes to bed about 7.30 and wakes quietly on her own and I go into her about 7.30 the next morning. She never wakes and cries and is a happy little girl. If you're at your wits end with crying then use a dummy sure but if you can do without them then I think that's got o be better. I beg your pardon but I think the bit about not smoking is rubbish. Not being rude but i don't believe that fact. And with Charlotte constantly teething she doesn't need anymore saliva going on! Anyway, I don't think there is anything wrong with dummies I'm just glad I didn't have to go there and I don't think a child of 2 onwards should be walking round with a dummy during the day.

Yeah but Thomcat, I think your dd is probably the exception re sleeping through from day 8! I love dummies, think they're great. I used one for ds and intend to for this next one too if she seems to want it. I think it's natural for babies to want to suck and I can't see the harm in it. OK, if you're shoving it in to shut them up/stop them talking when they're older then they're not a good idea IMO but otherwise, they're often a comfort for a baby and a godsend for the mother. My ds didn't give his up until he was about 3 but by then was only having it at night or when he was upset. I really can't see the problem. So I agree with aloha. Gail01, if you're still reading, don't worry - I'd let her suck her thumb/have a dummy if it helps.

I'm not saying it's wrong, I've never said i don't think they should be used. What i said was if they don't appear to need it why give it to them? I think if you have a small child who cries a lot and it's a comfort then it must be a godsend and I may well need to go there when baby no2 comes along. I just think using them incase it prevents smoking later and produces more saliva then they already have isn't a reason to give a content baby a dummy. I also think they should be used a a pacifier, to stop your small baby crying and don't agree with a child over 2 using it during the day. It's horrible having to try and work out what some friends children are saying to me through a dummy! That's what i don't agree with.

Despite putting 3 years olds with dummies in the same category as juice in bottles i have to admit I gave DD a dummy. It was partly because i am scarred by memories of teenage girls at boarding school sucking their thumbs and stroking their noses with bits of cloth; i felt that i could use a dummy to deter thumb-sucking and then get rid of it when I chose, which I did when DD was about 8 months. She has never sucked her thumb and wasn't too bothered about losing the dummies, I suspect she would have given them up before but i used to give it to her in the when I was cooking supper as that was her whingy time and DH wasn't around.

As for piercings for kids, WHY???

What's this research showing that dummy sucking and later non-smoking are connected aloha? Never heard of that one- sounds interesting.

I'm a live and let liver on dummies. I'd consider it if a baby was hard to settle and seemed to want to suck all the time. Mine sucked their thumbs for a very short period- aged about 3-6 months- to the horror of one dummy wielder I met at a baby group who shrieked at the very sight and explained that it was highly unhygienic and recommended dummies all round. She didn't realise what a skinflint I was. Free thumbs, even dirty ones- though in fact the thumbs in question were perfectly goegeous and clean IMO- would win over bought dummies any day of the week. Pah, as tiktok would say. Where is tiktok anyway?

Didn't plan on having a dummy with DD but at a week old it was one of the few thinks that actually calmed her colic pain in the evenings. She found the sucking sensation relaxing, and no breast feeding for hours on end didn't have the same effect - in fact it was making it worse. DD has only ever had her dummy at nap/bed times or if ill. She doesn't have it all during the day now (15 months) and is never allowed to try to talk with one. And she doesn't have it when out either.

In those early days it really did help when most other things wouldn't. After the colic went we didn't feel we could just take it off her as she had no understandig og why we wanted to. We will get rid of the dummy when she is old enough to undersatnd and she can 'swap' it for a treat of some kind.

I do think that they are useful 'tools' if used sparingly and effectively, and is no worse than seeing a child suchking its thumb, sucking on a bottle/baker all day, or even using the breast just for the sucking/relxation thing.

er, did I ever say that a content baby should be 'forced' to have a dummy? I think not. Maybe you're confusing me with someone else. Anyway, dummy use is also linked to a lower risk of cot death, but a higher risk of ear infections. There are advantages and disadvantages with everything. I just don't see why so many people get so cross about dummies. For me, it mattered more that my baby was having his needs met than than someone might think he didn't look nice.

I don't want to argue with anyone, just to say, a dummy was just what ds needed. It gave him comfort. And if anyone has a sucky child like mine, who would breast 'feed' all day if they could and still cry for more sucking, I wouldn't hesitate to suggest you try one.

And who used the word forced? Did I? I think not. Maybe you're confusing me with someone else.
You said you were pro dummies and I said but why use them unless you have a fractious child, surely that's the only reason to give a pacifier to your child and that's a question not a statement. In my personal opinion a child should only be given a dummy when they need pacifying. I don't think a child needs it for any other reason. What needs is a dummy meeting if your child is happily playing around the house, or out in their buggy enjoying the day out with you? I'm not saying your child Aloha, or anyone elses have their dummy at these times, but I do see friends let their kids have dummies when they are playing with other kids and I think it's wrong. I think when they talk to others they are not understood and yes I do think it looks horrible, but that's just my opinion.

Well, I'm sorry you think my child looks horrible. Let's agree to differ, shall we?

Just one thing, I don't think a child has to be desperate and wailing to be given a dummy if they want one and are happier. That's all.

Jesus, I can't let this lie, and I feel really insulted now. What is all this 'wrong' bit. does it harm him? No. So why is it wrong. I don't much like clothes with cartoon characters on, but I don't think they are 'wrong'. And I'm glad my child doesn't play with your child if it means facing that kind of petty disapproval.Who are you to judge other people's choices if they harm nobody? I don't judge those who don't use a dummy. So why the hell do you judge me?

I too absolutely detested dummies and swore no baby of mine would have one.

Baby no.1 stuck to my guns. Would spend hours with my pinky in his mouth, stroking his forehead to get him off to sleep after having been on the breast forever.

no.2 No dummy until age 6 months. He contracted pneumococcal meningitis and was in need of comfort. Was too ill to be fed. I sat with my pinky in his mouth and realised he needed something to suck that was not going to dry his mouth. I sent Dh for dummies. One was geen and the other was yellow and he looked so sweet sucking them. He was so comforted my viewpoint changed. Instead of the word dummy (associated with shutting up), the word soother describes it's function often.

No.3 was born prematurely and I knew he would be lying alone in an incubator. The delivery was planned 5 weeks early so I bought the soothers to take into hospital. He never got them because he was ventilated for the first week. He actually just slept all the time so didn't need a sootherthen, but he did when we got home. I needed to be able to give him something to tide him over while I dealt with the other two ( I had 3 under 5yrs). Then he got the breast but I was not always able to let him feed for hours at a time. He stopped using it at 8 months because I decided not to replace it when it needed renewed.

No.4 was also in an incubator unable to be fed while, so she got a soother when she was upset. That was with my full knowledge of knowing that it could interfere with the establishment of breastfeeding. I knew I would be able to overcome that should it arise. Once home she only had it to keep her happy if I was caught up with other things.

Soothers can be life savers and comfort to a distressed baby. They should not be used in the first few weeks if there are problems with breastfeeding (or bottlefeeding for that matter) because a baby's signals for demand feeding can be missed. My poor dd was not allowed to be fed apart from her initial feed after birth because she needed exchange blood transfusions due to rhesus incompatible blood groups.
Three out of four babies were thumb suckers despite being exclusively breastfed. Some babies just need to suck! Let them

Well I don't know why you're so insulted, I wasn't setting out to insult you. I think dummies look horrible on kids who are happily running around playing in the middle of the day, sorry but I can't help feeling that way, I didn't mean to insult you, it's only my personal opinion, I'm sure your child is gorgeous, I'd just prefer to see him without a dummy covering his face.
I think a child should need a dummy to keep them quiet when they are babies and for no other reason, just my personal opinion and one I feel strongly about, not saying anyone else should feel the same way I do.
It's my petty disapproval not my childs so don't see why you're pleased they don't play together!!!
Didn't realise I was judging anyone. In fact think you've taken my personal opinions on dummies very much to heart but not sure why. You said you were pro them and I'm not, I thought we were expressing our opinions to each other, were we not? if it makes the situation less heated I'll take back the word 'wrong' and say I just really don't like seeing them on happy children over the age of 2, running around playing. Is that ok?!!
At least we agree on clothes with cartoons on them and ear-piercing being wrong not being a good-thing.

It was actually quite hurtful and upsetting to be told you'd think my child looked horrible if you saw him. I accept you didn't mean it to sound like that. However I just don't 'get' why you are so horrified by them, I really don't. And I paricularly don't understand your insistence that it is ONLY permissible to give a dummy if the child is distressed. Do you only give your child a toy, say, if they are very fretful and upset? Or read them a book or give them a cuddle? Or play them some music only if they are upset? Of course you don't. For me, a dummy is just one of the things my son likes and finds comforting and enjoyable from time to time during his day. If he doesn't have a dummy to hand he will often suck on his sleeve or chew his drinking cup. Is this wrong too? Is thumb sucking 'wrong'? It's worse for teeth than dummies. My friend's daughter is passionately attached to a soft toy which she always likes to hold - should this be taken away too? I am 'pro-dummy' because so many babies find them comforting because they have an in-built strong biological urge to suck for comfort. It triggers endorphin release in their brain, and I think babies deserve comfort however they want it. It also seems to me that because many people disapprove of dummies for no good reason some mothers feel too ashamed to give them to their 'sucky' babies and so their babies might not be as happy as they could be. It's a really natural need - babies suck their thumbs in the womb! And some babies need to suck more than others. My son would actually cry sometimes because when he sucked on my breast he'd get milk and he didn't want milk, he just wanted to have a nice peaceful suck. He doesn't get ear infections, so why take such a dogmatic stance on dummies? Of all the controversial things in parenting, the horror of dummies seems to be one of the oddest. It's different to say smacking or controlled crying, in which people argue that the child is made unhappy. In many cases - and this isn't a personal comment - I think opposition to dummies is based on snobbery, I'm afraid. Mind you, before I had ds I thought all children should sit nicely and quietly in restaurants, that my child's clothes would never be covered in food etc etc and I'd certainly never hold his bum up in the air in public and give in a good old sniff to see if he needed a nappy change. How things change!

My dd takes a soother (as we call it). We (esp dh) were anti-soothers at first. We lasted 3 weeks. I felt I shouldn't give in and give her one, but in the end it felt like the right thing to do. She was fussy and restless and struggled dropping off and the soother did wonders for her. We always try to limit it. Currently (at 19m) she has it at night, and in the morning (thanks to advice from aloha on a different thread ages ago!) we get her to throw it in her cot. She takes one to nursery for nap time. We hope to get rid of it soon but i'm nervous about that. She would have it more often if we let her.
I also don't like to see older kids running around with soothers in but each to their own - just hope we manage to get rid of it by then...

If there's a next time round I wouldn't bring one to the hospital with me and assume the baby will take one, but would wait and see.
I think whoever said it is just another tool to be used is quite right and people use them to varying degrees.
Also - I would not consider myself a lazy parent because of using the soother. It is just a tool that we use to comfort our daughter.

Aloha - I'm so sorry that when I said I thought dummies looked horrible you saw it as me saying I thought your child looked horrible. Really I'm sorry that upset you that was never my intention. Like I said I'm sure he's a lovley little thing, but I stick by the fact I'd rather see his happy smiling face without a dummy. I'm not horrified by them as you say I am, just really don't like the things. I also said I take back that I think they are wrong. I'm not judging you at all. My best friends little boy who was 2 in January still has dummies, during the day. I don't like it, simple as that. I'm not saying I'm right in this and you, or anyone else are wrong. This is MY PERSONAL opinion.
That's great your child enjoys his dummy - it's great you don't mind, I'm happy for you! Please just allow me to have my own opinion without it being a huge problem. I don't like dummies, so shoot me! All this babies deserve comfort... of course they bloody do, I'm talking about a perfectly happy 2 year old having a dummy. And mothers being ashamed of using dummies and dummy snobbery..???!!! If you don't mind I don't think I want to discuss this anymore, you don't have a problem with dummies and I don't really like them on children over a certain age. Shall we agreet o disagree and move on. When we meet in another area I hope there will be no hard feelings.

Oh by the way - anyone who does want to wean their child of the dummy there is a thread in 'Other subjects - archive' all about how to get your kids off dummies.
Love TC xx