Dummies or not?

[Lizzer]

Right then folks, I'm feeling in a debating mood today so I'm going to throw open a topic for the thrashing out, holding no punches (in the nicest possible way of course!)...

I HATE dummies - there I've said it. I can just about stand seeing them in a tiny baby's mouth, even though I prefer to see what the child actually looks like rather than a lump of plastic and two little eyes. I can't stand seeing children over the age of 6 months with one, hate it when they're trying to speak with one attached or having one shoved in their gob by their parent. Basically I wonder why people bother. My daughter was far from an angelic, wonder baby that never cried, she was in fact very demanding (still can be) but cuddles and feeds got us through the early months - would a dummy have made all the difference? I am opening this up to see if I can understand why people give them to their babies at all, is it something you plan in advance - do you take them in with your labour bag or is desperation the main cause? Does it stop them crying completely? Does anyone wish they hadn't bothered or couldn't live without one - if so, why? Or does anyone feel as strongly as me?

Like I said I fancy a challenge today, so come on then....!

Hi Bexi and welcome! I think you highlight my point perfectly there, I said that I hate dummies, perhaps I should've said I hate the misuse of dummies, and I think I'm right in saying that most people here would agree with that - whether you use them or not....? See, we all agree after all!

Joe, thanks for finding that out - yes, pork fat and rabbits brains would have me slightly more alarmed than a plastic lump with winnie the pooh staring out from it!

Bexi, I'd recommend you (if you haven't already) read all Eulalia's stuff on pro-longed b/feeding, next time you get any hassle for still feeding you can be armed to the back teeth with facts and figures! But seriously, there's some very good info there

I've been in France for a couple of weeks and was close enough to the Spanish border to visit San Sebastian twice - and I SWEAR every single baby that passed by had a dummy either in its mouth or pinned to its clothes on a little chain - it must be compulsory over there.
I'm not saying I'm totally anti-dummy; the idea of buying one never even crossed my mind before my ds was born but I sent my Mum out to buy half a dozen before I'd even left the hospital, along with bibs, scratch mitts and a load of other things that I didn't know I needed until my bundle arrived. Perhaps I was a lazy parent, as has been slightly implied by earlier postings, but when you are a new mum your head is all over the place (not to mention other parts) and I don't see what is wrong with calming a fractious baby with a dummy for a while, and calming mummy and daddy at the same time.
DS gave the dummy up himself at 6 months, and now has a blankie, which I suppose is just swapping one thing for another, but i don't know any young child that doesn't have some means of comfort, whether it's a dummy/thumb/teddy/blankie and why should we deprive them of these?

Dummies as jewellery? Apparently so. This weekend I saw a little girl of about 4 years, possibly older, dressed very smarty. She was wearing a pair of large, ornate gold hoop earrings. Around her neck was a matching heavy gold chain. Attached to the chain, like a pendant, was a dummy. Rather than the normal plastic surround, this dummy was made of the same ornate gold.

But the teat was definity a real and useable rubber one.

Nooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!! That made me feel quite ill as I read it!

Jodee - no comforters here except me - arggh! However at age 2 he is finally sometimes carrying a teddy around, but it always gets dumped in preference to boobie. Oh well at least he can't take his mothers breasts to school with him (unless I wait in the playground at breaktime ...)

Tigermoth - I saw a kid about the same age once wearing earings, bracelet and nail varnish - yuk!

Oh Eulalia, I had forgotten about those!
Not quite the same thing, but ds is totally fascinated with his and my belly buttons, and keeps lifting my top up to give me a sharp poke in the tum (i think the flab interests him too!)

Glad I'm not the only one who thinks it's yukky to see young kids, especially babies, in loads of jewellery!

Urgh! Children wearing jewellery - doesn't it look awful? I was once at a bus stop and there was a lady with a pram with a tiny baby in it. The child was only a few weeks old and she had a pair of ear studs in - shocking!
It made me think about who had pierced them. Would a professional ear-piercer put studs in a child so young?

Tigermoth, SE London baby couture rules! That is absolutely hideous. Dare I ask where you saw this poor child?

I cant stand babies with earings in etc. It was painful for me it must really hurt a baby who doesnt understand and when they are small they could easily pull them out. Why cant they just wait until the child can decide themselves.

Marina, late Saturday afternoon in the large play area of our nearby 'Family Pub' called 'We Anchor In Hope'. Just inside the borough of Welling, if that means anything to you!

Just wanted to add my twopence-worth. I was against dummies until I had my first, and then I joined the real world! It really worked to comfort her when she wasn't hungry, but still wanted to suck (b-f until 8 months). We finally got rid of it when she was 23 months, by telling her that Father Christmas was going to take it for the new babies - I must admit, I wasn't convinced that this wouldn't give her a phobia about Father Christmas; "What will he take off me this year, Mum?" (another topic of conversation - how good we become at lying when we become parents!). I anticipated problems, but there were none at all. I never felt entirely comfortable with her having one, because of people's preconceptions (the "lazy parent" thing again), and I hate seeing children talking "through" their dummy. So I guess I had a real dose of double standards there - it's right for me, but not for anyone else. It used to annoy me when people (family, friends, strangers) would take the dummy out of her mouth, and say "you don't need that". My conclusion is that it's one of those issues where ambivalence rules - when you're desperate, anything goes. My second daughter was never interested in dummies, at times, I wished she had been!
On the subject of babies in jewellery, there's a child at my Toddler group who has gold bangles, a gold necklace, gold earrings and a gold ring. The amazing thing is it's a 12 month old boy! I think it just looks awful.

Jodee - he now also lifts his teddy up to my breasts to be fed (he's just turned 2). I guess that will help when we have another baby.

I think in the great scheme of things, whether you give your child a dummy or not is really of little importance. Surely what matters is that the child is loved and cared for. If it wants to suck a dummy or if the parent wants it to have one then so what. My nephew is 26, sucked his thumb since birth and still does at times. His dentist is appalled and my sister now wishes she had given him a dummy which she could have removed. I too have been in France where my friend was encouraged to give her daughter a piece of washable cloth to suck on by her french relatives. Yeuk, give me a dummy any day. At least you can run them under the tap.

i got my daughters ears pircied last week
and it look great

Unbless it's for religious, family or cultural reasons - and that covers lots of people out there, I'm against early ear piercing just because I think children are beautiful as they are. However I am contending with a piercing mad son at the moment who corners adult friends of mine and questions them deeply about their piercings to ear, belly button, nose etc. Some of his school friends have pierced ears and he has a long list of piercings he wants at 16 - the age of consent. I do sometimes wonder, if I let him get this out of his system now, perhaps I may not be facing a studded and pierced teenage son across the breakfast table in 10 years time.

Tigermoth - difficult one, isn't it. I know my Mum struggled with this when my brother was in his mid teens (now 30). He just went ahead with having both ears pierced against her wishes, but never got any other piercings done (but it wasn't such a big fad to have belly buttons, etc. done then as it is now). I thought he looked awful, with gold hoops in both ears and I would always tease him about looking like a pirate, but he thought he looked cool! He eventually had to get rid of them when he started work, but I think by that time he was pretty bored of them anyway.

Mmm, I have to agree Tigermoth, isn't the expression 'don't gild the lily'? They are fine without bits of gold and surgical steel inserted in them, I think. I am also shocked by people letting their kids have belly-buttons pierced at age 10. I had mine done at 21 and it went wrong and was septic and healed badly and hurt, that's fair enough it was my problem I was old enough to deal with it. But to purposefully risk your child's health and inflict scar tissue on them for absolutely no reason is sick.

I also think that young children are beautiful as they are. I had my ears pierced at age 12 and think I would want my dd to be about the same age as I could deal with the after piercing care (ie. cleaning & turning) myself. But regardless of how it looks, it can be quite painful, and I would never inflict unnecessary pain on my young children, especially for the sake of vanity. How did the discussion on dummies turn into body piercing anyway?

I saw a boy while shopping last week, he couldnt have been more than a year old, with his left ear pierced, yuk.

My 3 month old has never had a dummy, she has never needed one.

This week she has now started sucking her thumb. I have offered her a dummy as an alternative because it does not interfere with the natural development of her teeth and I can control the removal of it. But she is not interested. What should I do? I have tried putting gloves on her hands but she gets fretful.

My 3 month old also loves his thumb, and indeed his whole hand. He chews them constantly and is always dribbling. I thought until the teeth actually come through that it's OK?
We started him on a dummy when he was a few weeks old; it kept him quiet occasionally when I just needed a break! Now he hardly has it now that he's discovered the to him more interesting alternative of his fingers.

I have a DD who will turn one year old on August 8th. She has had a dummy ever since she was tiny, she had one because it helped her. She was more relaxed, calm and easy to settle. I was told by my health visitor that it is much better to have a 'dummy sucker' than a 'thumb sucker' as you can get rid of the dummy. The thumb is always there. I went to school with a girl who still sucked her thumb absentmindedly at 15 years old and consequently had awful sticky-out front teeth.

I have no major strong feelings for or against them, all I can say is that they helped make life for me and my DD much easier to cope with and we were able to get to know one another. Of course I would like to wean my DD off the dummy in the coming months but will definitely not beat myself up over letting her have one. My DD has one because she likes it, FULL STOP !

My DD will be 1 on August 1st. She only really has a dummy when she is tired. On Wednesday last week my health visitor said that I should try to wean her off it. I am sorry but she only has it when she is tired and it helps her to get off to sleep, so I will decide when to take it away not them.

I think it's a huge myth that children will do dummy or thumbs -- my kids don't do either. My mother was very annoyed I wouldn't ever take a dummy (100% bottlefed), and I never sucked thumb either.

I used to be a right Dummy snob (no child of mine, etc.), but experienced parenthood has taught me the lesson that It's No Big Deal if a someone else's child does like a dummy. Life is Too Short, etc.