Dummies or not?

[Lizzer]

Right then folks, I'm feeling in a debating mood today so I'm going to throw open a topic for the thrashing out, holding no punches (in the nicest possible way of course!)...

I HATE dummies - there I've said it. I can just about stand seeing them in a tiny baby's mouth, even though I prefer to see what the child actually looks like rather than a lump of plastic and two little eyes. I can't stand seeing children over the age of 6 months with one, hate it when they're trying to speak with one attached or having one shoved in their gob by their parent. Basically I wonder why people bother. My daughter was far from an angelic, wonder baby that never cried, she was in fact very demanding (still can be) but cuddles and feeds got us through the early months - would a dummy have made all the difference? I am opening this up to see if I can understand why people give them to their babies at all, is it something you plan in advance - do you take them in with your labour bag or is desperation the main cause? Does it stop them crying completely? Does anyone wish they hadn't bothered or couldn't live without one - if so, why? Or does anyone feel as strongly as me?

Like I said I fancy a challenge today, so come on then....!

I was interested to read about nurses and HVs recommending them - when I was in hospital after having DD, there were posters everywhere, saying that if you wanted to breastfeed your child, not to give them a dummy or bottle or they'd be confused. (I did breastfeed, but in the very early days before the milk came in properly, I had to fight to get them to let her have a top up feed of formula. I never had any problems with mixed feeding)

I was always being told off by the staff for having a crying baby - when we got home we found that a dummy would often be enough to soothe her.

I agree with Bloss, they are ugly and DD tends to have hers only at night or occasionally in the car. She'd have in it all the time if she could!

We are trying to get her off it, but I wouldn't have been without it in the early days.

I read that it is a natural thing for a baby to suck and my son would quite happly stay on my breast for ages. I do allow him to use me for comfort as I believe bf serves this role aswell but not for too long, this is when I started using a dummy. He doesnt sleep with one and only occassionally asks for it. I never just put it in his mouth to shut him up. He uses it as a toy most of the time (I do clean them regularly) and only really uses it to go off to sleep then he spits it out. I think I could quite easily stop the use but as he doesnt have it that much Im sure he will just stop using it on his own.
I had one when I was young and swopped it for a puppy (something mum and dad were getting anyway). Someone else said that they left their childs out on Christmas Eve as Father Christmas takes them for the baby elves, worked.

Curiouser and curiouser....! I must apologise to Winnie though for adding to her daily stress() but I do think it's the sort of subject you have strong opinions on and I wanted to hear them, I hope no-one thought I was trying to start a verbal fight (well maybe just a little bit!)And no-one's answered your question, Winnie, about when they were first invented, anyone have a clue? Thanks to you I'm much closer to 'getting' the whole concept. I did let my baby suck my finger in the early weeks (actually quite liked that because it meant I was unable to help doing the washing up etc, while attached - shame!) but I too thought that b/feeding for comfort was a good thing (once nipples had healed of course!)and that it added to the amount of milk I was producing. No-one answered Tigger's query as to does bottle fed or breast fed make a difference to dummy use? I have a confession now (you're gonna think I'm pretty thick here) up until a few months ago I thought that if you bottle fed (and please bear in mind I only know one person who does) that you sort of automatically had to use a dummy because that's how the baby got it's comfort and went off to sleep - eek. But is there SOME truth in that?

I understand when people say they think it's lazy parenting, because that was my opinion too, but now I've seen with my own eyes people who've been very careful and controlled about using them and you can't knock 'em for that can you...

Well I don't think I could ever be persuaded to use one (but never say never, I suppose) but I can imagine when certain circumstances call for them. One thing I often notice ( being an ardent dummy spotter!(joke))is that a lot of babies on the children's hosptial programme have them and obviously I can see a great need for them there, when you can't be present to comfort them.

What shocked me most on this thread is seeing people who've had them given to their children without their permission - I think feathers would have flown if it had happened to me.

I am confused by people's approach (tigger, anouska, penguinsmum) to them being kept in the house or only used at night. I assume then that the reason is because you don't actually like to see them out and about in pushchairs and the like? Then again that's probably a sensible idea as it limits the use.

So no-one's come up with anything to say that there are any risks associated? I was wondering if that amount of chomping could do anything to their mouth muscles, perhaps tone them so they would make excellent sopranos!
Sorry for doing everyone's heads in - it is, as Sid said, one of those live and let live topics, but hey, it keeps my grey matter ticking on despite most of it slowly turning into a teletubby...

My mother's friend's daughter had a dummy until aged 5! Her mouth literally grew around it, and her top lip still sticks up a little. All of the children had dummies but this particular child wouldn't stop using it. She was like Maggie Simpson!

Hi everyone.
One of my little boys still has a dummy and neither I nor my husband are lazy parents. I was totally against dummies before having my twins and totally refused to buy them. After a few weeks however I was persuaded to try them by a health visitor because one child in particular was getting himself into a real state by crying and screaming. The dummies worked instantly with him to soothe him and he instantly became a happier baby. HV said it was much better for him to like that and have a dummy than to be sobbing his little heart out. He now still has 'dody' at night very much in the same way that other children have comfort blankets.
His twin brother, by the way, has never had a dummy....he just didn't like them.
I just wanted to re-iterate something said on another notice board. I really don't think any of us can judge another parent for the way they deal with the day to day job of bringing up our children. (Unless of course a parent is actually harming a child.) The vast majority of us are just doing the best we can on any one day and whether you do or don't give you baby a dummy / biscuits, put them in bed with you or whatever then as long as you can manage it with a vague smile every now and again and your kids get enough cuddles you're not doing too badly.

I haven't read all the threads to this one but I can honestly see both sides to a certain extent. As a thumb-sucker until the ripe old age of thirteen I'm pro dummies the theory being they can be thrown away but not so easy a thumb. It became such a habit with me that I didn't know I was doing it so it was extremely hard to stop.I was teased mercilessly if anyone ever caught me and being away at boarding school I had more than enough to cope with without that. I don't go along with the argument that it smacks of lazy parenting at all,but I can't stand seeing older toddlers with dummies in their mouths. I can't see the need for it. As a means of helping a child sleep then it is at least serving a purpose but to just have one stuck in for a child to walk around chomping on I don't see the point of. All my children had them and the longest any of them lasted was to three months old. Maybe I was lucky as I never had to wrestle one away from an older toddler. I do have to say that one thing that really sends me is when the dummy pops out onto the floor (I'm talking very small babies now) and Mum picks it up sticks it in her mouth and then puts it back in the baby's mouth ARRRGH!!!!!!

I know what you mean about dirty dummies going it people's mouths. A friend on mine did that when his baby chucked it on the floor. I said why didn't you clean it!!?

I know what you mean about dirty dummies going into people's mouths. A friend on mine did that when his baby chucked it on the floor. I said why didn't you clean it!!?

hi lizzer well the subject of my son only having it at night is nothing too strange it's only he wanted it at bed time and was not intrested in it during the day and i would have given it to him if he wanted during the day but he did not it has never been a problem the only problem i have had is crawling around on the floor at two am looking for it and cursing because i cant find it and now he's awake well that life

I don't know if any of you read the latest theory about cot death - that some parents could actually carry a virus in their saliva that is harmless to them but not for the baby. They were investigating babies that died due to cot death and found this link in 90% of the cases.

This is important when assessing the risk of dummies. Most of you have said you hate it when a mother sucks a dummy clean, well she could be doing more harm than good if she happens to have this virus.

This is the only risk I can think of when using dummies. I don't like to see dummies being used as I'd much rather see the baby's cute little face than a huge plastic thing covering it's mouth. But they do come in useful when you're desperate, and as others have said, they usually end up sucking something anyway. Mine was breast fed for 3/4 months and now sucks her thumb for comfort. She also has a 'sleeping teddy' that is great for getting her settled at naptime.

Dunno when they were introduced though - but I can imagine why!!

Lisav,
That's frightening, isn't it. I mean apart from licking dummies, how many times do parents kiss and snuggle their babies? It would be great if there were a preventative 'cure' for cot death though, if they could test all new Mums for this virus before delivery- it could be a fantastic step forward...
Bron, it's funny because I'm the same when it comes to thumb-sucking, I really don't mind seeing children with their thumbs in their mouths - or security blankets etc. I wonder why I have such a thing against dummies? I think maybe because they are such horrid lumps of plastic like people have said, I dunno, maybe it goes back to ideals of child rearing that you pick up from family and friends that you absorb without really being aware of it...

Message withdrawn

Lizzer - may as well add my tuppenceworth... A baby has a strong urge to suck. The natural state would be to get this from the breast which has the advantage of a dual purpose of providing food and comfort. A baby needs a lot of comfort sucking which for some reason many think is wrong. As many women don't breastfeed or if they do they restrict it to 'mealtimes' then the sucking instict is not satisfied. Therefore it can be provided artificially through a dummy. It does genuinely comfort them.

For bottle fed babies it can often be the only way to comfort them. Nothing wrong with this. However the problem with anything artifical is that it can be misused or overused. Hence you see the older child with dummy in mouth or problems with teeth.

I don't think dummies per se are wrong but how they are managed. As I have said elsewhere in societies where women wear their babies and allow them to suckle at will and b/feed for longer thumb sucking and dummies are unknown. Dummy misuse is a sign of our modern society and yes often they are shoved into mouths to keep the peace. However they can be used perfectly well without problems.

We tried one with our baby but he spat it out, so for the first 8 weeks or so I just wandered around with my bra open most of the time - fortunately it was a hot summer. I still allow my child to comfort suck and I am sure some people would be horrified by this but it makes him happy - is it wrong for him to be happy? The way I see it is that a child will always give up breastfeeding eventually but the same can't be said for thumbs/dummies and a soft boob will not dam

oops where did my post go - I just meant to say that nice soft boobs won't damage teeth but long term b/feeding does spoil the firmness of your breasts not to mention them being gnawed on from time to time ... eek!

Actually I see less kids sucking their thumbs these days - I am sure it is because more people use dummies now. At least an advantage of a dummy is that it can be taken away, the same cannot be said for the thumb.

Eulalie - I too let my son comfort suck but he is alot more rough now and I use a dummy. Saying that he doesnt use it that much and spits it out pretty quick and the only real time he does suck it is if he is tired. He usually falls asleep feeding and I might just use it if he stirs after laying him down in his cot, but again its not there long. You never see him with it any other time, his face is covered in a great big smile.

Just been looking through an old mother and baby mag and found the following:-
Dummies are as old as childbirth - although not always in the form we now recognise.
A primitive form was made from a knotted rag. In 1859 a womans magazine recommended mothers stuff the knot with pork fat or rabbits brains. Mmm tasty!
The rubber 'soothing pad' as it was then called, was first invented in 1882 by MAWS.

Hope this is of interest.

I have never been so incensed by a discussion thread on this website! (and I think it's out of order when people get into fights on a discussion thread). I too used to be one of those (prospective) parents who thought that dummies were horrible and vowed never to let my child have one. But after two weeks of a crying, non-sleeping bay (she once stayed awake literally from 6am to 11pm), I gave in and have never looked back. I don't particularly like my child sucking on a dummy when we're out but I know that anyone who judges me to be a bad parent because of it is not in a position to judge, and therefore I don't care what they think. (In fact, it's changed my attitude on judging others about anything, as I have learnt that you can never know how you would act given the same circumstances).

I wouldn't mind, but it's so unimportant! Meanwhile, if you even suggest that breastfeeding may confer benefits on your child that bottlefeeding doesn't you get shot down in flames! (For the record, my child was brestfed for 9 months, and is now very happy and bright, despite having suffered a dummy for 18 months).

PS. Am I the only one that thinks Eulalia's great?

Aw Rosy, thanks for getting mad and adding your message - that was the point (joke)! I don't think anyone's in a fight here, just lots of different opinions that all seem healthy enough to me, everyone being different and all. I do hate dummies but I don't go round looking at women thinking they are unfit mothers because their child if using one - it's just not for me, and anyone else who feels the same. Like I said before, I started this because I didn't 'get' them at all and now I can see lots of different arguments - see, it's helped my ignorance, that's a good thing! I can totally see your point of don't judge anyone til you've been in that situation yourself, too.

To agree with you again, I think there are a lot of educated, well informed and interesting people on these message boards and Eulalia is definitely one of them...

Rosy, I'm afraid that I am one of those parents who eschewed the use of a dummy (purely on aesthetic grounds) but I did feel uncomfortable at the suggestion of lazy parenting and so on on this thread. I think the great thing about Mumsnet is that it opens your eyes to all sorts of alternatives and has certainly made me far less judgemental and more sensitive when it comes to other people's parenting choices.

I second your comment on Eulalia - I first stumbled across the site when I was coming under a huge amount of pressure to give up breastfeeding our baby when he was 10 months (as he was not sleeping well). Her advice spurred me on and has been invaluable on a number of occassions since!.

my son has several dummies and they are brilliant in my opinion.It is his comforter and anything that comforts him i think is great! However, I also agree that outside the house they are a little strange, theres one child at a toddler group who has his in the whole time and I can't understand that at all,it just stops him joining in. For night time, naps and car journeys they are invaluable. That surely is what they are made for, to comfort them to sleep, not for when they are out and about and interacting with people and the world. Most people don't even know he has a dummy unless we go to stay the night.

Yes, I agree too, Rosy. Eulalia's postings are reassuring and helpful. And she does the research for us too.

At Harry's 8 month assessment my HV asked about dummies and went on to say that she didn't mind either way because his (future) dentist will blame parents either way for squinty teeth - dummies or no dummies. Apologies for previous lazy parenting comment - what I had in mind more were those parents in shopping malls who don't want to talk to their inquisitive toddlers but stick a dummy in and carry on with their own grown-up activities.

Shucks, thanks for the compliments. I am a trained researcher (in my previous existence) so that helps here.

This is the first time I've posted a message and I've found this discussion very interesting. I have to say that I dislike dummies, and I particularly dislike seeing toddlers (and older) with dummies in their mouths. Reading other people's views on the subject has prompted me to think about why I feel this way and I think it's basically because I think they look awful, it always seems a real shame to me to see a tiny baby with a piece of plastic hanging out of it's mouth. Having said that, I can see that it may be a comfort to the baby during the early months (although I would never have considered giving one to my daughter) but I can't understand why you see children who can walk around and talk, struggling to speak and be understood because of a dummy permanently stuck in their mouths. The other day whilst out shopping a woman came up to me holding a dummy asking if my child had dropped it, I was offended that she thought my 18 month old would have one, yet now I've been thinking about it perhaps I'm a bit of a hypocrite: I get equally offended by people's shocked remarks that I'm still breastfeeding and that's just because I don't want to stop doing something that is a comfort to my daughter. I wouldn't think badly of a parent if they chose to give their child a dummy but I do cringe when I see people sticking them in their babies' mouths just to shut them up.