To all mums with 2 children - advice needed!

[Rubyshoos]

I'm not sure if I should be posting this in the nanny section, but I was hoping for some helpful advice. I currently have a 2.2 year old DS and in may I'm due to have my second DS. My husband has (very) kindly agreed to pay for some kind of help either 3 mornings or 3 afternoons per week. My dilemma is this: to all your mums who are coping with a toddler and a newborn - would you get your mothers help to come in the mornings (say 9am to 12.30)to help with breakfast/morning activities or would you get them to come in the afternoons (2pm to 7pm) to help with teatime/bathtime/bedtime? I obviously want to make the most of this very generous gesture from my dh and would really appreciate some advice. My ds doesn't start nursery until september, so I've got a potentially very busy four months once the baby arrives! Thanks in advance xx

How is your week tailored at the moment, eg, toddler groups, swimming, visits to library, play dates etc. I would opt for the help at the times you are at home, rather than when you are out.

My eldest 2 were born 2 years apart, both boys, and tbh if I had a decent night's sleep it was fine, otherwise it was a slog from the start. But plenty of planned activites definitely helped.

Congratulations on your pregnancy

Thanks JGBmum - yes, my son has a fairly hectic schedule but mostly they are morning activities (football, playgroup etc) so in the early days of the baby arriving it would be a case of the nanny/mothers help taking my eldest ds to the above activities leaving me at home with the baby to (hopefully) catch up on some sleep! After that then I'd like to spend a bit of time with my eldest son and take him to the activities myself leaving the nanny behind to look after the baby. I agree about the planned activities, they at least get you out of the house - that was the mistake I made as a new mother, I stayed inside with my newborn as I was exhausted and thus got very depressed. A good shower and little kickers session should keep me on top of things this time (fingers crossed!)

Afternoon definitely. Then you can get out and about with them both which will be less stressful than being stuck inside alone with two young kids. Be warned though it will probably take you a few hours to get out the door so try to get organised. After a few months you will be a dab hand at it and be able to get them up, dressed and breakfasted in less than two hours!

The afternoons are always harder in my opinion as the older one is more likely to play up then when tired and there is nothing to do to get you out so if you can get help do so then.

Very of you having help. I had no-one to help and found the first few months hard emotionally with two so you should find it much easier.

Afternoon definitely. My DD goes to playgroup 3 days a week but morning only. By the time she comes home, has had lunch and we've agreed that she needs a nap it is too late to go out anywhere. I'm also getting very tired by mid-afternoon and it becomes a countdown to bed after a while.

I know, I am increasingly realising just how lucky I am and how kind it is of my dh - although I think the reason he suggested it is he'd like to come home to a vaguely happy wife at the end of the day rather than a worn out and exhuasted madwoman with no food in the fridge!

I recently had dc3 and we had a nanny for a few hours a week. I also had the am / pm dilema.

We decided to go for mornings and this worked very well for us. The nanny took dc1 to school, then took dc2 out of the house to lots of toddler groups. It was actually the nanny who suggested this approach because she said that in her experience, if the mum / parent was around, the older children tended to want to spend time with them and not with her. So, if she had come in the afternoon and we had stayed in, then I wouldn't have got much of a rest. On the rare occasions when the nanny stayed at home with my dc2, this did indeed prove to be the case.