How well do you need to know the parents before you let your 6yo go for tea?

[lisbey]

DS2 and a friend hatched a plan for the friend to come for tea. They put me on the spot and I said of course it was OK, provided his mum agreed.

I spoke to Mum (for the first time) and gave a date that was suitable for us, if she was happy with it. A week later he came for tea, was good as gold and his older sisters came to collect him at the allotted time. I hadn't seen Mum again in the meantime.

I'd never spoken to Mum before because she collects a number of children and isn't usually at DS2's classroom door. The child is also fairly new to the school.

Anyway, everything was fine, it just occurred to me that I'm not sure what I'd have done if the plan was for DS2 to go to their house, as I don't know the parents at all.

you know I have to confess I hadn't even thought about this issue until I joined MN .

Once my DS's are at school if they get an invite for tea - they go, and vice versa - admittedly not invited many over, but they've all come.

I also leave them at parties on their own from reception year onwards (if it's one where parents aren't required to stay)

I don't need to know the parents at all - they are going to eat spaghetti hoops and fish fingers, not to be adopted!

See, that's what I thought really, but then we have all this fuss about how parents need to be police checked to help on a school trip....and I wonderred if letting him go might seem irresponsble/uncaring.

I'm afraid a lot of my parenting decisions are based on what other might think of me, rather than the actual risks

i dont need to know parents either, obviously the parents make the arrangements, so have the contact then.
get to know them then.

As long as the child hasn't cropped up on my radar as seriously disturbed, I would always assume reasonably competent parents and not worry.

By 6y I was less concerned. I would have spoken to the parents at school, but once some contact was established I decided them going to play and for tea would be fine.