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Parenting

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Original poster

2 under 2... is it madness?

17 replies

cheeseycharlie · 19/01/2010 15:01

I had always said that I wanted a small age gap between my kids. We now have DD1 aged 10 months(who so far has been perfect in every way, a very easy baby)and we are thinking about expanding the brood. However, all I hear from other mums is how 2 under 2 is a recipe for misery.

If you have had 2 under 2 please tell me: did it make you happy or miserable? Share your tales of woe and joy please, I need to know the truth from those who have been there...

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Original poster

cheeseycharlie · 19/01/2010 15:09

oops i put this post up twice and now cannot see the other thread so please use this one!!

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robino · 19/01/2010 15:12

A bit crazy for the first year but I still loved it. DD1 is 3 (just) and DD2 is 18 months. They are beginning to play games that last longer than 2 minutes and get on really well if you don't count the 235 squabbles over toys a day

pud1 · 19/01/2010 15:21

my dd 1 is 2 and dd2 is 5 months. dd2 was a suprise and i spent my entire pregnancy sh**ing myself. spoke to loads of friends with kids close together and they all said first year is a nightmare but it is worth it. i founf first 2 months easy then it started to get harder. i think you have to be quite laid back and not except perfection from yourself. i can honestly say that i did not want to kids so close but i love it now.

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Original poster

cheeseycharlie · 19/01/2010 17:47

it's good to hear some happy stories, it's good to hear after some people have been quite forceful saying it's a bad thing.
Fighting over toys is draining but probably not the exclusive burden of mums whose kids are close in age.
What exactly makes it hard? Is it all the nappy changing etc?

OP posts:

4andnotout · 19/01/2010 17:57

I thin k it is less madness more happy chaos

My dd3 was 14months when dd4 was born and it has been the best age gap out of the lot, we were already used to sleepless nights and nappies. They are so close now they are 2 and 14 months and they play brilliantly together, ideally I would have had another small gap but it looks like it will be 2-3 years next time

nellie12 · 19/01/2010 17:57

18 month gap with first 2 and the first year was horrendous. the double nappy changing, the constant feeding, the simultaneous tantrums/crying. the lack of sleep. the double buggy - the fact that nowhere is designed to accomomdate the parent with 2 under 2. the lack of individual attention as too busy and not much help.

On the plus side mine dont fight over toys - they share very well. Their social skills are good and now they're older they do play well together and are good friends and it is easier that they are at similar stages.

However ds2 and ds3 have a three yr gap and ime it is much easier and relaxed and I dont feel ds3 gets short changed with attention.

so good and bad.

Rebeccaj · 19/01/2010 18:06

We have an 18 month gap as well (deliberately), and are very happy with it. Sleep was a an issue for a while - DS, the youngest, slept much worse than DD - but after about 2, it got much better. I didn't find them too hard otherwise when little to be honest. I love it now, as they are really close, play together lots and are amused generally by the same things -we're not trying to entertain, say, a 6 year old and a toddler simultaneously. It was definitely the right thing for us.

Spoo · 19/01/2010 18:12

I have a 15 month gap. They are now nearly 5 and 3 and a half. It is fabulous. Whilst I know that the early years can be hard, I am definately reaping rewards now. You get out o fthe baby years quicker meaning that more grown up things are more acheivable earlier. i.e. family trips to the cinema, bowling, family holidays. Whilst the boys do not always get along, they are the very best of frineds are into the same things, always have a pal when we are occupied or in a new place. They also attract attention from other children and somehow make friends easier. Maybe they have more confidence to do stuff when the other is standing beside them. There are downsides, but they are mainly past now. Such as lots of nappies, lots of milk, lots of tears (not just the boys), lots of late nights. The other thing I would caution is that just because your first is an easy baby does NOT guarantee your second. I can't recall the amount of times I have heard - 'oh they are just so different' You don't believe it until your own turn out that way.

SnowTulips · 19/01/2010 18:19

we have 18 months between dd and ds1 and i found it alot easier than the 2.5 year gap between ds1 and ds2.

dd and ds1 have nearly always been at the same stage in terms of play and interests and are great friends (when not trying to rip each others limbs off )

spookycharlotte121 · 19/01/2010 18:25

Theres not quite a year between my 2. Personally i found it harder being pregnant with a baby than looking after both children. Im on my own with them so its pretty hard at time so routine is vitle but all in all it is totally worth it.
I spend most of my time on here complaining abaout not being able to cope but I think thats down to depression.

The bond the two of them have is lovely.... dd stayed at my mums last night and when she returned home this morning ds was so happy to see her. He put his arms out and she ran up and hugged him. They do fight alot but the are also incredibly close and its a really beautiful relationship that I hope they have for the rest of their lives!

I disagree with people saying its hard for the first year coz mine are 2 1/2 and 18 months and im still struggling. Ds is a lot better behaved now he caan communicate properly so im hoping this will be the same with maddam dd.

I would love to have more kids in the future if I meet a nice guy and would like to have a small age gap again. I think the kids are so lucky to have one another and its a really lvoely bond they have. Hard work but well worth it!

biscuittplease · 19/01/2010 18:33

I've got a 21 month gap and the pregnancy was a nightmare but things are good (but busy!) now, DD is 15 weeks.

I'm really enjoying it, hardly get a minute to myself (BF whilst typing with DS playing with his Fire engine next to me) but essentially, nothing I can't cope with.

alarkaspree · 19/01/2010 18:41

I have just under 2 years gap - so had 2 under 2 for about 3 weeks. I didn't find it that hard at all - I found ds's baby period much easier with toddler dd to keep me entertained. They are 5 and 3 now and they adore each other, it fills me with joy.

There are some things that are harder with two close in age when they're little - taking them swimming, or trying to learn any new sport or activity. But those are really quite minor inconveniences. For me the hard part about having two is when their needs clash, and when they are closer in age that's less likely.

LittleSilver · 19/01/2010 20:09

Happy chaos is a good expression. I love having 2 under 2 (well, DD2 now 2 1/4, but you get my drift) Actually I liked it so muhc that I am ttc DC4 because I want them close together again

LittleSilver · 19/01/2010 20:11

But I'll echo the difficulties with some logisitics, eg swimming. When we went to CP in December I had to take each child swimming separately due to parent/child ratios with under 5s. That was knackering.

mamasunshine · 19/01/2010 20:30

I have a 15month gap. DS1 is 22 months and DS2 7months now. I absolutely love having the close gap and they're soooo cute together. I also was one to find it harder being pregnant than having the baby and toddler. Found the first few months easier, now with weaning onto solids in full swing a lot busier, but that'll soon pass! DS2 just loves watching and laughing at his older brother playing so they already entertain each other!! Don't get me wrong it has been very hard at times, but more to do with me putting pressure on myself to do 'everything'. I've since relaxed A LOT about housework etc (I'll catch up once they've started school!!) And find if I just go with the flow of each day it's much easier.

I found when i was pregnant everyone would go on about how mad i was/how hard it would be etc. I was expecting the worse, and I have been pleasantly suprised! Will definately be trying for no. 3 in the near future

As previous posters have said swimming etc can't be done with just you, but that can always be worked out!

Peabody · 19/01/2010 20:39

I have a 17 month gap between my two and have never regretted it. As others have said, they are both so close in age that the same things entertain them. They also get on really well together and entertain each other.

I reckon it's easier with a small age gap

Supercherry · 20/01/2010 08:50

I have a 21mth age gap, DS2 is now 12 weeks, and while there have been tough days, it's really alot easier than I anticipated.

2 under 2 is a million times easier than being pregnant and looking after a toddler.

It is madness and fun and I'm constantly on the go but I'm glad I went for a close age gap. I would advise getting a good double buggy and a sling and loads of lollipops healthy snacks and DVDs to entertain the toddler.

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