If you have 3 children come and chat here

[FabIsGoingToBeFabIn2010]

DS1 - 8.10
DD - 6.5
DS2 - 4.7

It doesn't matter which 2 children we have (with 1 at a party or the in laws) there is a different vibe to when all 3 are here. Do you find that?

Through wanting my children to have a better childhood than mine I have been too soft with them, not consistent at all and killed off any instincts I had.

DS1 is the most difficult at the moment and has been for quite a while. I discovered in therapy that I am scared of him. I tried to be more confident and consistent but he is really really trying.

Just this minute DS2 called me because DS1 went in to his room and turned his light on (they are all in bed) and also told him he had had a drink. I have brought him down, with ds1 complaining saying What have I done What have I done?, and he is now doing lines. FFS what do you do with a child who just will not do as he is told, doesn't know when to stop and does not care whatever you say to him?

I feel so desperately as I know we have had too many children but I love them so much and couldn't be without them. I could be without his attitude though.

We found 1-2 easy, 2-3 has been hard but it could be the age gap. In 3 months we had a new baby and my eldest started school while I was still up at night to breast feed. We also had to get a new car.

i have 3, dd 4.7, ds1 3.5 and ds2 10 months and it is hard work! Mine are all similar ages though so hopefully wont have the problems with bedtimes in the future!

Wow...it has been really interesting reading this thread. I only started on mumsnet a couple of days ago and it really is a mine of information and (mostly) good advice and sharing of experience. We have 3 kids DS is 9 and DDTs of 4.5. Due to his job DH is away for several days at a time so I have to play things as though he may not be here. The good side is that when he's home he really is home and isn't bothered by the office! The girls usually head upstairs about 6.45 to 7 and after ablutions and a couple of stories the light is out by 7.30ish. They often mess about (sharing a room) and sometimes it can be 8.30 by the time they're finally asleep. BUT I put one of them in the spare room tonight and she didn't like it and promised to be good if I let her go back to her own bed (which her sister had parked herself in by that time!) It worked-after I removed said sister. DS usually goes upstairs around 7.45 and I read to him until around 8.10 then he gets reading time until about 8.30 to 8.45. It works well and he is usually up no bother at 7.15. He can be very "outspoken" at times and seems to enjoy an argument but I've decided that I'm no longer going to fight fire with fire. I keep my voice very low and he has to stop shouting to say "can you speak louder mum cos I can't hear you!" It's working a treat. The other thing we've done for the last 18 months or so is this - if he's been good all week and hasn't lost golden time at school and has done his homework well (we're lucky because he's a bright kid if a little cocky) then on a Fri/Sat night the girls have their tea separately (we do usually eat as family as much as possible) and then DS gets to have a take away or a special meal (he loves shellfish) with me/us, in front of the TV, watching a decent movie (Harry Potter/Night at the Museum or an episode of Merlin are recent choices). The threat of that being taken away really hurts him because he so looks forward to it (and so do my DH and I)and I think we've only had to carry it out twice. He feels very grown up staying up til 10 once a week and it doesn't hurt.
Fab - I'm really pleased that you've have had better days this week.

Fab, I got your message - thanks.
Tried to reply but I don't think it worked.
Anyway, FWIW: what you say about how much you love your son is really touching and is the thing to cling to when you feel yourself rising to what might seem like his bait.
I became aware with my oldest lad a few years ago that a lot of his contemporaries were the youngest in their families, and I sometimes witnessed them being 'babied,' to no obvious detrimental effect.
I've tried to keep that in mind where he's concerned, and I know that my youngest has been dealt with much more leniently and 'coddled' in a lot of ways that DS1 missed out on from being the oldest - but he's just as lovely as his brother and sister.
As they get older it's easier to enjoy their company more in the evenings - luckily, as DS1 now retires at about 10.30.
Things gave to change as they get older, as I'm sure you're aware, and, as I said before, an injection of humour in to a sjituation can make a huge difference, and it's a good habit to get in to in preparation for the teenage years!

OurLady - yep, just got your message and replied.

Hope your feeling better today, Fab and that all went smoothly last night after your good afternoon

DS1 was a pest today and made dd scream. It was after other stuff so I have said no computer tonight. He said he didn't want it anyway but I suspect he is trying to use the bravado card. If he asks for it tonight I will remind him and say no, if he doesn't ask I am considering saying no when he asks tomorrow.

It might be that DS is playing up in response to your apparent easing off.
This often happens - it's as if they can't quite believe that things are changing, so they keep being naughty just to check - or something like that.
I think carrying a punishment over into the next day will feel like an injustice, and will not help in your aim of moving on from the situation you're in.
I don't think it's a sign of weakness to overlook the odd incident because you're keeping your eye on the long view.
Best to deal with things as and when they occur, then let that be the end of it.

I think you are right and will let it go if he doesn't ask today. It didn't feel right but I guess I am wondering how to get the message across if he doesn't ask and I am not able to remind him. I also need to sort out dd as she is a shrieker and hasn't learnt that she needs to ignore him as he will carry on if he gets the result he does/wants.

Yes, sometimes the child under attack plays it up to get more attention for themselves.
If you occasionally just say 'there's no need to make such a fuss,' the older one may actually start to lay off - obviously still make it clear he shouldn't be pestering her - but generally it's most successful if just dealt with there and then and the matter is then closed
God, I sound perfect, don't I?!.

We walked home from school today and ds1 wanted to go and see a run down wooden building. I didn't want too, I don't know if it is public or private, I wanted to get home and it isn't easily to get too. I didn't say no to him, I must have appeared kind of open to persuasion as I didn't want the hassle of a flat no. Suddenly a certain boy starts crying my bag home.

He went to look, was very happy, I scared myself silly when he said he thought the fence was electric and he had seen a flash but we all got home on one piece.

No real point to this post other than I am trying not to say no all the time and to give him a chance to think he has got one over me earned it.