If you have 3 children come and chat here

[FabIsGoingToBeFabIn2010]

DS1 - 8.10
DD - 6.5
DS2 - 4.7

It doesn't matter which 2 children we have (with 1 at a party or the in laws) there is a different vibe to when all 3 are here. Do you find that?

Through wanting my children to have a better childhood than mine I have been too soft with them, not consistent at all and killed off any instincts I had.

DS1 is the most difficult at the moment and has been for quite a while. I discovered in therapy that I am scared of him. I tried to be more confident and consistent but he is really really trying.

Just this minute DS2 called me because DS1 went in to his room and turned his light on (they are all in bed) and also told him he had had a drink. I have brought him down, with ds1 complaining saying What have I done What have I done?, and he is now doing lines. FFS what do you do with a child who just will not do as he is told, doesn't know when to stop and does not care whatever you say to him?

I feel so desperately as I know we have had too many children but I love them so much and couldn't be without them. I could be without his attitude though.

Hi all, I have 3 dds, dd1 5.3, dt1&2 2.6.
What I find difficult about having 3 is that I spend a large part of my time feeling supremely guilty that either
a) dd1 is missing out on the attention she needs and was used to because she's got 2 younger sisters that need me more a lot of the time and
b) the dts aren't getting the same level of input from that that dd1 had because they're not only competing with each other but dd1 as well.
I feel pulled so many ways between the girls and work and dh and I don't feel like I do any of my 'jobs' (mother, worker, wife) justice.

Having said all that, my 3 girls are an absolute joy (between scraps), work are very flexible with the hours/days I work, and dh is the most supportive and helpful father/husband I could wish for so I am very, very lucky.

Fab, I don't think you are selfish for wanting time to yourselves, I think that's normal even though not always possible
Dh & I sometimes feel like we barely see each other properly from week to week.

Sorry Fab, you sound really down now. I wasn't trying to be arsey.

Three at the ages yours are at, are very hard work. And, I wouldn't be at all surprised if you didn't actually like DS1 atm. I've been through stages of disliking, but loving, each of mine but they are all just phases.

But you will get through it, because you do love them and they do love you, so in the end it will work out. I have read many of your threads over the year and know life has not been easy, but my advice is try to go more with the flow.

My DS is the same age as your oldest and I'm sure that he is easy going one because I learnt not to take every row, every tiny piece of misbehaviour as a personal slight that had to be stamped on.

This too will pass

DS1 - 5 years
DS2 - 3 years
DD1 - 12 weeks

Quite new to being a parent of 3 and have noticed a distinct rise in naughty behaviour from the boys since the baby has arrived!

I have 3 and I love it but I am permanantly exhausted and I do hate tidying/cleaning up the whole time.

Mine are ds 4.8
dd1 3.5
dd2 20mths

It is so much easier now than when dd2 was a small baby. They all share a room and sleep 7-7 pretty much.

I feel sorry for ds as he is really mature, sensible etc and always has to do everything himself and help me etc. He is very loving, sweet natured, amazingly switched on and aware of stuff, great company etc.

I feel sorry for dd1 because she is always being shouted at, she drives me up the wall, she is stubborn, stroppy, naughty etc and always doing stuff she's not meant too (drawing on walls/furniture, ripping up books/paper, emptying juice into her tea set...it's constant. I wish I was nicer to her

DD2 is an absolute sweetheart- loves everyone, sleeps, eats, smiles, dances, sings, has an occasional strop which consists of her lying down then she gets up a few minutes later and carries on.

The 3 of them play really well together, maybe because they are so close in age, so I find that helps.

Oh got to go and collect the older 2 from nursery!

Hi-
DS1 - 14.9
DD - 12.2
DS2 - 8.10

The thing about the lines which leaps out to me is that you've said he struggles with writing and hates it.

It seems rather counter-productive to give him writing as a punishment if he struggles with it in school.

And he probably mis-behaves at night because he's bored off his socks.

I totally agree with the idea of you eating earlier with the children; this gives you only one lot of cooking and clearing up and gives you a bit of space later on in the evening.

I think you get a lot of mileage from giving your oldest certain privileges, especially in regard to bedtimes.
Obviously, 'with privileges come responsibilities,' within reason, but I think you'll find his behaviour will improve as he sees he's being treated fairly.

Please don't take offence; it's difficult to give advice on parenting without it sounding like criticism, and part of asking for the advice means being prepared to re-think what you're doing.

And they're's absolutely nothing wrong with a family sitting down and agreeing rules - DCs can surprise you with their sense of fairness and justice.

Ime, if they feel they're being treated fairly and can rely on their parents not to explode and come down on them like a ton of bricks when they step out of line, behaviour is much better and everyone gets to relax.

And humour is very effective in diffusing a situation - you don't lose face by having a laugh with your kids.

I also have 3

dd1 9.11
ds 7.11
dd2 6.1

I am permanently exhausted and dh is also a great help! I don't "work" but am a MSc student and also volunteer in literacy programmes 2 days a week.

it makes such a difference when one of them is away all day/overnight/for an hour!

I never planned dd2 (was a mirena coil failure!) but would not be without her now. But still find it ridiculously hard work, and they are all at school!

Fab - please don't leave your own thread, I think most people are trying to be supportive/admitting that they struggle too.

Ron - your tone is not helpful. It's fine to disagree, but tbh, I think expression such as 'fgs' come across as agressive. Other children will have different bedtimes to yours. If you disagree with Fab's discipline techniques, you will not persuade her of that by saying they are 'utterly ridiculous'.

Thank you bosch.

I have emailed a new plan to dh and he has agreed.

I have spent 4 hours tidying ds1's room and he loves to see what is different so hopefully he will be in a good mood and I will drive to pick them up so one less chance to be argumentative.

I have read some of RonNumber's other posts and realise she hasn't got her supportive hat on so I am not taking any notice.

Thanks

Read earlier but had ds3 trying to launch himself of the bed so not a good time tyo reply.

While I don't think lines is the best way of dealing with it, I can TOTALLY appreciate where you are coming from. DS1 is only just beginning to return to his normal self after a very difficult 6 months. And I have to say, in retrospect, it is mainly down to how we are now dealing with it.

Staggered bedtimes REALLY help us and the boys are at their calmest and most cooperative when they know that is what is going to happen. It gives us one on one time with each of them. It does mean that 'bedtime' lasts about 2 hours though, due to the ages of our three. However, we have decided that rather than rush them to bed to get 'our' time (which is usually spent separately ) we are trying to enjoy the kids again rather than just 'parent' them.

At times of crisis, I always look back at 'How to talk so kids will listen...' and, reading through some of the random stuff, it sets me back on the right track again.

Glad you came back, Fab

Hope DS1 one, appreciated all the tidying and bedtime tonight was little calmer

Hi

DS1 said he would give me £10 for doing his room and was really pleased with it.

I didn't go on here at all and sat with him while he did his writing practice. I also listened to dd read and put the kids in the bath.

They were allowed tv before tea but not after and I did a jigsaw with ds2.

DH listened to ds1 read and he was allowed to stay up until 7.45pm.

A really good afternoon to evening.

Did you take the £10

That sounds great. I'm so pleased for you.

If nothing else it's given you breathing space to rally for the next eruption

I didn't. I told him I had found 2p in his room and I would take that as payment. He was happy with that.

Just realised ds1 hasn't reappeared. He normally does and it drives me mad. He obviously doesn't feel the need tonight. but in a good way.

such good news

I know.

i have ds1 19 lives whith gf ,dd1 17 watching tv ,ds2 3 fast aleep

DC1 - 4.7
DC2 - 1.7
DC3 - 0.6

The world seems to be set up for families with 2 children.

What does sleep feel like?

I couldn't get up this morning so dh got the kids fed and ready for school. We talked about whether he had enjoyed staying up later last night and he said yes. When he started doing things I asked him not too he lost a couple of minutes but then he started doing it on purpose as he doesn't want to stay up tonight. Kids!!

Glad you had a good evening ( also glad your back on your thread).

Morning Fab. Hope you're not feeling ill which why you couldn't get up.

Are you sure DS1 doesn't want to stay up tonight? I'd bet he is just pushing to see if you will take the minutes off, or whether it was just a threat you'll forget about.

DD2 used to say 'I don't care, didn't want to it/have it, anyway,' whenever I threatened her with early bed or took a toy, but it was obvious when it happened that she did care.

Hi to you both

I posted on health - I scared myself this morning.

DS1 could be trying the bravado approach and pretending not to be bothered about losing time. I have told him if he goes too far he will be going before ds2.

They will have to walk home from school but hopefully they will be okay. DS1 wasn't too bad about walking - dh had told them and maybe the sensed that I wasn't well.

Hi fab, I also have 3 and love it (mostly!) I also have an 8 yr old ds1 who has become very cheeky, etc lately so maybe it is an age thing? Mine is usually very affectionate...

I do think 7 is a bit early for bedtime but depends on how much sleep he needs, what time he wakes. Ds1 shares a bedroom with ds2 (nearly 6). I also love having some time to myself in the evening - I try to get them upstairs around 7.30 and do a story then but let them read or play after that as long as they stay in their room and are quiet (but they often are not!)

7 has never been too early before as he has always been a child who wanted to sleep a lot. He only gave up naps in the afternoon once he started school!

I have now made his bedtime 7.30 though last night it was 7.45 and he was still awake when we went up at 9 but that imo was more due to dh letting him play a computer game just before bed.

I don't expect him to go to sleep at 7 but I do expect him to be quiet so ds2 can sleep and to stay in his room and not keep coming up and down. Fair enough imo.

We have had another good afternoon.

Hi have 2 children son aged n6 and daughter aged 3 i would LOVE another child and i know it's going to be hard work, but i was woundering from ladies that have 3 children is it a big starin i know going from 1-2 was a big move and going from 2-3 means a bigger car etc what im trying to say is, is it a good idea lol??

x