If you have 3 children come and chat here

[FabIsGoingToBeFabIn2010]

DS1 - 8.10
DD - 6.5
DS2 - 4.7

It doesn't matter which 2 children we have (with 1 at a party or the in laws) there is a different vibe to when all 3 are here. Do you find that?

Through wanting my children to have a better childhood than mine I have been too soft with them, not consistent at all and killed off any instincts I had.

DS1 is the most difficult at the moment and has been for quite a while. I discovered in therapy that I am scared of him. I tried to be more confident and consistent but he is really really trying.

Just this minute DS2 called me because DS1 went in to his room and turned his light on (they are all in bed) and also told him he had had a drink. I have brought him down, with ds1 complaining saying What have I done What have I done?, and he is now doing lines. FFS what do you do with a child who just will not do as he is told, doesn't know when to stop and does not care whatever you say to him?

I feel so desperately as I know we have had too many children but I love them so much and couldn't be without them. I could be without his attitude though.

Hi

I have 3 ds's aged 8.4, 6.6 and 3.3.

I have learnt to confidently explain ds1 behaviour to other people by saying I made all my mistakes with him . He's just a normal little boy but I've always found him the most trying of my three boys, and found it easier to cope with him at home than 'in company'.

I did a course through work the other day that explored personality types - theory that people experience the world through sight, touch or sound. Well he won't learn by watching me, he can't copy and he massively lacks intuition. He won't listen to me and it drives me NUTS that if I want him to pay attention to me I have to SHOUT and/or get him to repeat everything I say. So its going to have to be touch - how do I do that???

Worst of all, like me, he is enormously prone to tears over the smallest thing (not actual pain, just 'injustice' or something not being 'fair'). I want to teach him to grow out of that but I don't know how.

Ds2 and 3 are much easier, I say that the more children I have the happier/easier/more chilled they are.

Dh's SIL says you can always cope with one less child than you have (she has 4) - I totally agree.

I have
dd 7.10
ds1 2.4
ds2 5mths

I can't tell you how hard I find it. Feel pretty much permanently guilty, knackered, resentful, guilty again, stressed, disorganised, always feel I should be doing something other than what I'm doing.

I do try and smell the roses with them - sometimes literally, but god it was SO much easier with just the two of them - there was enough of me to go round.

I feel for dd the most and resent the baby the most. I've just exploded at her because she had a friend round for a sleepover and her room is a tip - I hate it when you end the day on a bad note. I want to have more time with her, but don't know how to arrange it.

I think three is a difficult number, and yes it's lovely when one of them isn't here!

Hi, I have
DD1 - 10
DD2 - 7.7
DS - 6.2.

They are all home-educated, and DH works 4pm - 2pm, 6 days a week, so pretty much the kids are with me all day everyday. I find it hard to give them all 1-1 time without one of the others interupting, so each child has one night a week where they stay up later just them and me. We do the (quiet and calm) activity of their choice, sometimes reading stories, playing cars/trains/puppy in my pocket, or DD1 likes to give me a make-over!! The other two settle and fall asleep no problem, probably less distractions!! and the fact that they know I WILL take away their special night if they misbehave at bed time.

They aren't angels, but most of the time they are good....DD1 is the most argumentative, has been since she was the same age as your DS1, DD2 is ridiculously stubborn, and DS1 just copies his sisters to see what he can get away with, lol!!
I wanted four children, because I am the middle child of three and know from experience that it is always two against one in any arguments!!!
Pinkie

DS1 could stay up a bit longer and it would work really well if DH got home earlier and we weren't so knackered and starving for dinner. I will have a think today about how we can resolve this as I know he needs more one to one time. More than the other 2 really. They don't know any different and are that bit younger.

Off to do the morning battle of getting them ready for school.

Already I have done 2 wash loads, emptied and refilled the dishwasher and made mince pies. I am so glad it is a school day and have a few hours without them.[wry smile too].

fab you sound like me

hope you feel better today (I do- big ones at school, ds3 asleep

off to do washing upand empty second load of washing and strip the beds

fab - how about you eat with the kids? that's what we do (dh finished early when he worked but isnt working right now...)
at least then you would be free to spend some more time with ds1 when the other two are in bed?

I could eat with the kids and DH has said he wouldn't mind having his warmed up later. He isn't home until after 6 and then it is get them all to do their books, baths and bed time. I never thought eating with the kids would work as they always want stuff and would be on to their pudding before I had even sat down but I guess they could learn to wait. I do like eating with dh but some nights it might be better eating with the kids. He could eat as soon as he is in while I sort the kids perhaps.

DS1 was in a mood today but I kept telling myself to ignore ignore and it didn't kick off. He is always fine once dd and ds2 have gone in to school and we have a few minutes on our own.

I need to do ds1's room today. I am having a major throw out as I am sick of doing his room and it not lasting very long.

Another one here with 3 dc's

ds1 (14)
ds2 (11)
dd(6)

Have often felt the way you do. There is always someone to side with or 2 leaving you out in our house. it can be a total nightmare and utterly hard work. ( love them all to bits mind).

What I do here is staggered bed times ( although a bit easier to do as mine are older and I have bigger gaps between ages). so DD is 7.15 to bed, ds2 is 8.15 and ds1 goes to bed when I send him as I want to have some space before bed.

Help with homework/reading, talk about day at school.. or general natter is also done in that order as is their time slots on computers and xbox.
I do eat with the dc's rather than DH when he is at work.
It does seem to work quite well tbh.. each knowing that they have their individual time for a bit of one on one. obviously they can talk at any other point, but not interupt or attention seek. yet they tend to keep it to their slots unless they are dieing etc.
DS2 (asd) does need more time, but responds well to the structure. with regard to behaviour.. I do 10 mins off telly/computer/xbox/bedtime/play out etc always give the choice of "you're heading toward 10 minute take away, it's your choice"
and they can earn that time back. If it's a big naughty one or more items will be taken away, untilthe next day where they have had enough time to earn it back. If they carry on the next item goes.
it works for my lot 75-85% of the time.

no i like having three adn miss it when there is only two.
fab you need to think about HOW you are talking to ds1
how firmly you impoise your rules and how much they are agreed ones

I want ds1 to do his homework as soon as he gets it in as it gets it over with and also means he is in the kitchen with me working while I am cooking their tea. He doesn't want to though. He doesn't enjoy the writing part as he finds it hard. The school won't listen to me about how he can't do the joined up writing as he hadn't fully mastered writing individual letters but the school is just interested in targets.

RonNumber - The kids do not need to agree to my rules as I am the adult and for the most part they are non negotiable. If I asked the kids there would be no rules.

btu they must accept that some rules make communal living better

god am truning into VINnie jones

why not NOT cook while he woeks and do it together?

I have 3, aged 12,10 and 7.

The main consequences for any bad behaviour is, either bed early, or no tv,ds,wii, whatever.

Hav to say that I think getting your ds to write lines is a bit odd, although I can understand how it is to find a way to punish them if they don't respond to anything else.

In the summer I simply stop mine playing out if they have been rude, or fighting and that normally makes them think twice.

DD1 16
dd2 14
ds 8.9

Fab, I'm not sure if anyone's mentioned this, re your DS1. Have you considered letting him stay up with you after the other two have gone to bed? I would have great difficulty getting my DS to bed at 7, and he's the pliant, eager-to=please one!

Just half-an-hour with you by himself might make all the difference. My DS still loves being read to - at the moment he asks for his supper so we can read more Jungle Book!

Most stress these days, if discount DH and I, is the girls. DD2 will not stop stealing DD1's clothes and then posting pix wearing them on FB. She's had her phone and iPod confiscated, been grounded, banned from computer, but still she does it. Why? Anyone would think she had no clothes of her own.

I agree he needs a seperate bedtime. I know it can be a pain like that as you are forever up and down the stairs, but it's not really fair to make him go at 7pm.

Just to give you an idea, mine go as follows..

7yr old - 7:30
10yr old - 8 (can read until 8:30)
12yr old - 8:30 (can read until 9)

Lol Hester, your girls sound like mine, except mine argue over cd's and socks oddly lol.

I suppose we are being selfish for wanting a bit of time to ourselves and wanting to eat our meal in peace. He doesn't have to have lights out at 7 as long as he is quiet in his room as ds2 needs his sleep. He is only 4.

Not too fussed anyone thinks it is odd for him to write lines tbh. It is something that we are trying.

I am helping him do his homework while I cook.

I don't think it is unfair. He has always been a sleeper and I know the consequences if he stays up too late. I will put it back a touch with it being removed if he misbehaves.

7pm is way too early
ds2 is 9 and he is 8 and we read together on his bed.

fgs he has been at school all day - how much time do you want away form him?

doing lines is utterly ridiciculous

But FAb, you posted at 19.02 on Sunday that they were all in bed. So if DS was doing lines after that he must have been up later anyway.

Give him an extra half hour and he might end up leaving you in peace at a similar time, but without all the aggro.

Get him ready for bed at the same time maybe, but let him stay down longer and give him some undivided attention.

Thank you for last 2 posts RonNumber.

dont ask if oyu dont want to hear
NO ONE does lines in anwyay any more.
you dound like you just dont like him

Hester - yes, I got him up out of bed as I said in my post. I have already said I will allow him to stay up another half an hour.

Ron - you have got me so wrong and I am leaving this thread now as I am not finding you helpful, just attacking. Just because you think lines are wrong doesn't mean I do.

Thank you to everyone else who has helped and suggested things ina supportive manner.

It isn't a question of not wanting to hear ffs I am always asking for help. I am just sick of being attacked and told I am doing everything wrong.