Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

What to do about inappropiate present?

53 replies

ButterPie · 04/01/2010 10:49

My sister knows full well how me and DP are trying to bring up our daughters - we are trying to avoid excessive pink, gender stereotyping, etc. We are not OTT I don't think, she does have some fairy dressing up stuff, she has dolls, the baby DD does wear pink frilly dresses, but they also have cars, footballs, etc.

Sister (who I am very close to) bought DD1 this for Christmas. The tiara and so on isn't so bad, it is just dressing up after all, but the heels! I can see my sisters reasoning - DD loves to nick the grown ups shoes and walk about pretending to be mummy or whoever, which imo is totally normal and fine. But now she spends as much time as she can tottering about on horrible plastic pink heels, she can't run or climb, she can't kick a ball, even her dancing to music has changed She has fallen and hurt herself several times and looks really odd walking about in just her nappy and the shoes, as they change her entire posture.

We are staying at my parents till tomorrow, would I be ok to leave the shoes here? But then every time we visited, they would get them out for DD...

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

MmeLindt · 04/01/2010 10:54

How old is your DD?

I don't really see the problem. Well, I do but I think that it is one of those novelty presents that will end up in the corner of the room with the GoGo Hamster and the Cookie making machine.

I might lose the heels though, on the trip back home or put them away until she is older. If your DD is still in nappies, she is presumably quite young and they are a bit dangerous.

crumpet · 04/01/2010 10:55

I wouldn't be too fussed about it - limit the use of the shoes to playing in the house/her bedroom, which will then still allow balls/climbing. Small girls are magnetically attracted to these things, but it does pass. (we bought mine a digger and trainset one christmas, but we still didn't manage to bypass the pink/pretty dress stage. She's now 7 and has long grown out of her refusal to wear anyting but a skirt/dress)

BoysAreLikeDogs · 04/01/2010 10:56

gosh yes leave the stuff at your mum's so that dd can have something there and you don't have to faff about bringing stuff for each visit

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Families General parenting

Snowtiger · 04/01/2010 10:58

Not sure how old your DD1 is but IMO high heels are for over 10s at least, and if she's still in a nappy I'd guess she's a wee bit younger than that!

If I were you I'd take them home with you and "lose" or accidentally break them. Easy! Your DD will forget about them in no time and if your sister / mum says anything just say they got crushed under all the Christmas stuff in the boot of your car but it's probably for the best as your DD kept falling over in them and hurting herself. Just so they don't go out and buy you a new set...!

crumpet · 04/01/2010 10:58

ps there are lots of children who go on to do the opposite of anything that their parents wanted, so there's a chance you may be on the receiving end of a backlash from your daughters at some stage if you become too evangelical!

FabIsGoingToBeFabIn2010 · 04/01/2010 11:04

If you don't want her to wear them, don't.

I don't care who might by shoes like that for my dd, she wouldn't be wearing them. Even without her foot issues.

piratecat · 04/01/2010 11:11

i thoughtit was going to be an outfit with some shoes as an accessory/afterthought when i clicked your link. Not a closet full of shoes. They are hideous!!

If my dd was going round falling down in them, despite her wanting to wear them, then i'd take them away.

my dd would hate those (thank fuck)

suiledonne · 04/01/2010 11:14

My SIL gave my 3 year old something similar for her birthday.

We have all laminate flooring and the shoes are very dangerous. There is no grip in them at all and she kept going over on her ankle.

SIL is young and has no children and she knew dd would love them. It is probably somthing I might have given as a gift pre-dds myself but entirely not suitable for a 3 year old.

I let her have them for a day or two til the novelty wore off and then quietly put them away.

I don't have any problem with them being pink or too girly I would just prefer dd not to end up with broken ankles.

stealthsquiggle · 04/01/2010 11:18

I tolerate pink tat as presents which I would refuse to buy myself, but I would draw the line at dressing-up shoes.

Fortunately if DD emulates me it is more likely to be in wellies than heels (I do wear heels for work, but never at home) so I don't think she would be that fussed - but in the OP's situation I would 'lose' the shoes on the way home and airily say "oh, they'll turn up" if/when DD1 raised the subject.

(note - this may not work. DH binned (without consultation) a hideous power ranger thing that DS was given when he was 3. 6 months later DS, who normally has the memory of a goldfish, was still asking where it was )

MmeLindt · 04/01/2010 11:24

Oh, Stealth might be on to something there. Could you get DD a pair of sparkly pink wellies?

My DD loved (and still loves) sparkly ballerinas, they sell them in H&M.

youwillnotwin · 04/01/2010 11:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

poinsettydawg · 04/01/2010 11:41

Chillax.

Those shoes don't last long. I'd take them, say nothing, let your dds muck about with them and before you know it they'll be broken or the dds will realise how uncomfortable they are.

StanleyFletcher · 04/01/2010 11:57

I'd bin them if they are dangerous. My mate gave my DD a pair of pink plastic high heels when she was 5, all the time giving us evil smirks and winks . We let DD play in them for a day then after she fell off them for the nth time we binned them, told DD we were binning them and told the giver we were binning them. She laughed and didn't give a shit cos they were only a quid or so.

Maybe I am too bolshy....

MerlinsBeard · 04/01/2010 12:02

How old is your DD?

Laquitar · 04/01/2010 12:09

I would bin the shoes but let her play with the tiara, so sister doesn't feel her present was rejected.

Original poster

ButterPie · 04/01/2010 14:49

DD is 2, 3 in march. She has piles and piles of pink tat at my parents house, as every time they give her presents like that I just casually suggest we leave them here so she can use them when she visits Same with my nana's charity shop tat (I have no problem with charity shops, most of the stuff in my house is charity shop stuff, but my nana must search high and low for the noisiest pinkest most plastic tat about!)

I think these shoes are too bad even for that tactic though. I think I might play the health and safety thing up a bit and put them in the garage, then claim they got damp somehow or something.

My sister is normally clever and considerate, she is a primary school teacher so surely knows they are dangerous, even if she does somehow think my toddler should dress like some kind of transvestite beauty queen!

OP posts:

Hulababy · 04/01/2010 14:57

It really wouldn't bother me, esp as your DD actually seems to be enjoying them. The novelty of the dress up shoes will wear off pretty quickly I should think anyway. If she is doing danerous things in them or wearing them at inappropriate times (i.e not just in the house when dressing up for a few minutes at a time) then stop her. There is no way I would allow any child to wer them so much that they impinge on other activities - the same as with any toy TBH. Limit their use.

But I wouldn't ban them. They are only pretend. Children like to copy adults like this. It is very normal.

Rubyrubyruby · 04/01/2010 15:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Undercovamutha · 04/01/2010 15:07

My DD (3.5) got pink high heels for Xmas (not from me I hasten to add). They are one of her favourite presents. I have had to restrict her usage as she teeters dangerously near DS (9mo) and gets a bit over excited in them. They just get brought out now and then.

However, she also loves the plastic earings and ring that she got from the nursery Xmas party. They make her look like Pat Butcher and are also only brought out now and again!

LIZS · 05/01/2010 09:20

Hardly the end of the world - they really won't do any long term harm physically or psychologically. Let her play with them under supervision at granma's and then put them away at home until she is older and her feet are too big !

cece · 05/01/2010 09:37

My advice is to let them play with them in the garden. Then when they leave them out overnight the fox will eat them. You will then find piles of pink fluffy sink dotted around your garden

Prinnie · 05/01/2010 09:39

There are quite a few pairs of shoes - can you not keep one pair, hide them from DD and get them out occasionally and then give the rest to a charity shop (poor them) or bin them?

cece · 05/01/2010 09:39

sick not sink.

seeker · 05/01/2010 09:48

My late FIL took huge delight in buying his grandchildren stuff like this that their parents wouldn't have dreamed of buying. The children have such happy memories of him - even now they call the Argos catalogue "granddad's book"!

Take away the ones you think of as dangerous and let her have the rest. And I speak as someone who is very very conscious of the political aspects of raising girls.

MintyCan · 05/01/2010 09:52

We were given a set of those once. I would bin them, my younges dd fell down the stairs wearing the shoes they are dangerous. I also hated the pink fluffiness barf

Flip

1 2 3