What to do about inappropiate present?

[ButterPie]

My sister knows full well how me and DP are trying to bring up our daughters - we are trying to avoid excessive pink, gender stereotyping, etc. We are not OTT I don't think, she does have some fairy dressing up stuff, she has dolls, the baby DD does wear pink frilly dresses, but they also have cars, footballs, etc.

Sister (who I am very close to) bought DD1 this for Christmas. The tiara and so on isn't so bad, it is just dressing up after all, but the heels! I can see my sisters reasoning - DD loves to nick the grown ups shoes and walk about pretending to be mummy or whoever, which imo is totally normal and fine. But now she spends as much time as she can tottering about on horrible plastic pink heels, she can't run or climb, she can't kick a ball, even her dancing to music has changed She has fallen and hurt herself several times and looks really odd walking about in just her nappy and the shoes, as they change her entire posture.

We are staying at my parents till tomorrow, would I be ok to leave the shoes here? But then every time we visited, they would get them out for DD...

How old is she?

I bought somthing similar to this for ds when he was 2.5yrs-3yrs old as he loved dressing up as a fairy so much and he loved the shoes!

I do understand the gender thing though but a lot of that is about our reaction to it. the child just loves playing.

If you object to the shoes, lose them, she may be a little upset if she notices but in all likelihood she won't notice and even if he does, she will be a little upset for a while.

I think they are pretty bleeuugh. But i think the more you make a fuss the more it becomes a Big Thing.
Let her play withthem and then just put them somewhere out of sight.

My DD was pink, sparkly tastic. I hate disney/barbie shit so I would nod and say how lovely but bought her stuff that was pink and sparkly but at least in the same country as tasteful.Actually once at home she didn't play with it unless her friends were around
She is now (age just 7) into denim, deep blues and greens and black.

The more you get precious and poncy about it the more likely you are going to interfere with kids just playing.

My DS2 used to like putting girls nighties on when he was small and several of her boy friends at nursery loved dressing up - one even favouring cinderella.
Its just play.

My dd loved her hideous pink plastic dressing up shoes, and so did her two younger brothers. Ds2 is just 2 and loves to totter around in them. From experience I would say that pink plastic dressing-up shoes are entirely gender-neutral and aimed at 2-4 year-olds!

I only allow them in the living room - they don't go upstairs, or on the hard kitchen floor, and def not out of the house. They never wore them for long periods, just for dressing up games. Then we'd throw them all back in the dressing-up box and do something else.

Dd is now 7, thoroughly over the pink and sparkly phase - wears a lot of black denim and is saving up for her own telescope. Ds2 looks cute in the fairy dress and heels though ...

My dd now 5 had that exact set last year and it is her pride and joy-the box is in mint condition still She loves to play shoe shops with her brothers

My dd has twin brothers 6 and I'm very aware of the gender thing v fussy re toys. I don't like Barbie and the shopping mall, pop star pointless crap type of dolls/toys but dressing up I don't have a problem with. DD has lots of Playmobil etc and loves the outdoors playing with her brothers.

I never dress my dd in pale pink etc and normally go for H & M , Boden in browns turquoise,orange,green etc.

So I give a bit on the dressing up thing,she's by no means obsessed and never demands pink for everyday wear etc. I think my dd would if I was too rigid. I live in my chunky boots and don't even own a pair of heels so I'm happy for her to have access to the play version. My mother had heels and I used to play with those.

Go on let her have it, I've had loads of kids wearing those shoes and never had an accident yet. We have laminate floors too. I do have a no clicky clack shoes on stairs rule though.

You ae bieng a bit unreasonable, Tey are play shoes for dressing up not shoes for going out in. But if she does keep falling over in them I would just put them away for a while.

My DS would LOVE those shoes.. He is 2.6 and is obsessed with high heels and anything pink.. FIL is horrified that we bought him a pink pushchair for Xmas... If you really dont like them.. put them in a high cupboard..

I don't see the problem. Why not give you DD girly stuff to play with. She is celebrating the fact that she is a girl. My DD who is 3 1/2 has 2 pairs of these shoes and she loves them. She is a real girly girl, loves everything pink, dresses, and her shoes. Sometimes she even wears them to school. To me it is so funny, I mean, she will only be 3 1/2 once in her life!

I just put my foot down when she wants to wear them to the shop.

my dd has a few of these types of shoes...she's 6 now and still loves dressing up and playing in them...my 3yo ds wears them too...they play "grown ups" in them...no harm at all imo. role play is important.

Children's feet are important. There is no way I would have a toddler (of any gender) attempting to walk around in plastic high heels.

chill out about this -its a phase and will end. my girls had same, i never let them go up and down the stairs in them tho, they stayed in their bedrooms.

they won't ruin feet for the amount of time they would be on

Shame you had to open and use the gift, it would have been better to express sincere thanks and put it away 'to be played with at home' - and promptly returned to ELC in exchange for something more appropriate.

Don't let your daughter totter about on these horrid shoes, bad in so many ways that you have already identified and other posts have talked about. If she has fallen and hurt herself then that is the moment to take them away and say tactfully to your sister that they might not be the best thing for DD to have.

I have had similar problems over xmas. DD's first birthday is coming up, so I am going to identify presents that are right for her and let people know (nicely) what they are, so we don't get any more tacky pink plastic vtech bears that tell my daughter "I love you" etc - argh!!!!

I can't see the problem. Relax-the sure way to get your DDs to be pink and girly is trying to control them and everyone else!

I gave these to my god daughter for her birthday recently, and her parents are keen to avoid too much pink girly stuff; am I the 'sister?' . My reasoning is that this stuff is a treat, in the same way that I allow other people to give my dcs chocolate buttons at breakfast (that's you, mil) whern they are on holiday. I just don't see it as a massive deal, esp as she loves them. If it is me, I did clear it with you first, back in November.

I have a high cupboard full of "lost" toys - unsutable presents such as whistles and guns. AFter 48 hours kids usually totally forget about them. (And so do I which is why I have a cupboard full of annoyin g toys.)

I bet your sister bought this for you DD because she is trying to balance yyour parenting...especially if you are making a big thing about not too much pink.

Children's feet are important...

Well, yes. However - the odd 5-10 minutes playing in some dress up shoes are not going to cause problems in a normally develping child is it?

I think its great to avoid gender stereotyping, but isn't it just as bad to censor ott "girly" things? And if you do, won't that make her want them even more?

My dd went through a stage of LOVING these. She only seemed to wear them for dress up, and was not allowed to wear them on the stairs.
Both my kids (dd and ds) LOVED putting my high heels on, and I think part of that is the whole stimulating their imagination. They were role playing. I really don't think it was a case of pushing them into being a grown up or anything. For what its worth, I would rather them be in something that semi fits rather than tottering around in shoes that are miles too big.

The shoes fall apart really quickly. Perhaps they can be part of a dressing up box that you take out, rather than her wearing them all the time?

Honestly, I would just let her have them, and let the fascination die a natural death.

'I am going to identify presents that are right for her and let people know'

how terribly pfb and controlling! You can't really do this. Think it of course, don't we all? But terribly arrogant to go ahead and do it.

lighten up mums!

I can't stand this control freckery parenting. I think nowadays overthink everything about parenting and toys.
They are dressing up shoes that she will wear for a few minutes of a time. What are so scared of!
Little girls (and some boys) love dressing up in high heels, my dds first word was shoes she was obsessed with them.

My DS dress up in my and DH's shoes. They have not broken their necks yet.

Parents these days are way too paranoid. Children like play and pretend. Lighten up folks and stop being control freaks because I can guarantee that your children have their own minds and they will rebel against excessive (and nonsensical) control freakery.

Initially, I did not want my boys to play with guns or swords so they made their own weapons up. Now they have their own toy guns and swords and are happy!

I grew up playing with guns and swords with my brothers and we did not turn into murderers, just like millions of other children.

Parents really need to ligten up. I did and I'm thankful because I don't stress about the unimportant stuff anymore.

At 2 I wouldn't even think of giving a gift like that!

I took away the plastic high heels my dd (3) got as a gift.

I don't think it was at all control-freakery to do this. We have slippy laminate floors, she loves to dance and twirl around and the shoes (while in her eyes completing her dress-up outfit) were preventing her from doing that.

I don't have a problem with her tottering in my high heels for a little while but the dress up ones have just a thin strip of plastic at the front, no support what so ever and I kept cringing every time she went over on her ankles.

It is not a case of too much pink or too girly in my house it is a case of COMMON SENSE.

'I can't stand this control freckery parenting. I think nowadays overthink everything about parenting and toys.'

I agree. She will play with them and move on. Parents will find that they can't control everything!
It is completely unimportant.

"the odd 5-10 minutes playing in some dress up shoes are not going to cause problems in a normally develping child is it?"

I don't know, is it?

In the absence of any evidence I'm going to stick with my prejudice that it is not good for children who are still learning to walk to wear plastic shoes or high-heeled shoes, never mind plastic, high-heeled shoes.

I would consider a broken ankle at such a young age from falling off high heeled shoes be a problem.

LOL @ "control freakery".

Yes, that's right. Making decisions to keep your child away from things you think are dangerous is madness

Toddlers know what is good for them, after all.

Dressing up shoes are now "dangerous"

I have 3 dc 6,6 and 5, childmind and have laminate floors,never once have we had an accident with those type of shoes. To be honest learning to balance in them is a good skill to learn. I'm guessing the mums of dc who aren't allowed to play with such shoes aren't allowed on balancing beams or stepping stones in the park either

DD got given some genuine Spanish flamenco shoes when 2 and again never had a problem not once.

All 3 of mine live in measured, flat Startrites. 5-10 mins a day in dressing up shoes is not going to hurt feet at all.

We're not talking about doing a Suri Cruise just the odd moment of dressing up.