I just don't know hoe much more of this I can take I am at breaking point

[roslily]

My ds is 12 weeks old. He has/had colic. As in I thought it had settled down but the screaming is back.

Anyway, the last week he hasn't slept for more than half an hour at a time, it is killing me. LAst night he did 3 hours which is good for him. But he hardly sleeps in day so I can't catch up on any sleep.

I was trying the whole EASY routine thing, but it is just stressing me out more. He sleeps in sling, sometimes in pram (not for long though) but every one keeps telling me that I need to get him sleeping independently or I will never get him sleeping properly, and will still have to use pram when he is two (I get a lot of rod for your own back comments)

Tonight he had a bath, then screamed and screamed unconsolable. Refused bottle 9so hasn't eaten since 4pm)I swaddled him and put him in cot in the end as I was crying so much. He just went quiet and I assume he has gone to sleep.

I just don;t know what to do anymore. I am so crap at this. I have no idea what I am supposed to do with him when he is awake and feel like I spend the whole day trying to get him to sleep. I spend loads of time crying at the moment.

Add to this my husband, won't do nights as he "has to work" and has ME so doesn't want a relapse. My family live 200miles away. Ds was an accident, and I refused to sdo anything but keep him do husband keeps saying "well you wanted him" and "its your job"

Sorry this is long and rambling, I feel wretched. I am already on citalopram for PND. If it wasn't for my ds I would have topped myself by now.

Have you tried putting him on his tummy? My dd will only sleep on her tummy - so many babies are so much more settled like this. Will he take a dummy?

Oh it's also supposed to help with tummy problems.

Do you think he could have an allergy / intolerance to the formula?

Are you sure it is colic, DS was like this, just screamed, I remember it was 7 hours straight at one point, turned out he had silent reflux. Might be worth phoning HV/GP tomorrow and mentioning this, once DS was on Infant Gaviscon he was OK.

Oh and if he hates baths then please don't give him any. Babies don't need baths.

Also whatever he sleeps in try propping up the head end so that his head is higher than his feet.

I would book a double appointment with your GP for tomorrow. To have the baby checked over and also to talk about how you are feeling.

Your husband needs to pull his finger out as comments like that are not on. Does he not love his son?

He was diagnosd with reflux as he vomits all the time. Gaviscon makes him constipated and stops him vomitting but doesn't stop the crying. I have been to every GP at my surgery and they refuse to give anything other than gaviscon, saying "he will grow out of it"

firstly - has he got colic? Ds had this and didn't sleep. Infacol helped. there are also other things you can try.

Secondly just because he's not sleeping now doesn't mean he won't be a good sleeper in the future.

Thirdly sleep deprivation is awful and as you have no one to take over for a while then it only makes it worse for you. Are you sleeping during the day if he sleeps at all? You need to be. Fuck everything else, this is about survival.

Fourthly your husband is a fuckwit.

YOu don't need to be doing anything really with him when he is awake. Stick the telly on or a mobile. That's usually enough to keep them amused.

It won't always be this hard and if it is colic then it should blow over in the next couple of weeks.

What formula is he on? Have you tried different ones?

He may have a dairy allergy and it may be worth switching his formula to see if he has any improvements.

Sorry to hear you are feeling so crap the 0-6 is hard i think it get all gets allot easier after 6 months and you will start to feel more confident in your abilities. In the mean time vent on here.

If your gp is shit what about the health visitor? Mine was good at liasing with the gps, getting me appointments and making sure they did something about it.

Oh you poor thing, I don't have much advice about colic - I'm assuming you've been to the doctor about it - but just wanted to recommend Homestart, you can self refer, they can come round once a week, or more often if you need it, and help you with the baby, let you get some sleep or just provide emotional support.

You sound like you really need some help right now, I'm sorry your dh is being so unsupportive just when you need the support, he needs to grow up and realise he has a son. Does he know how bad you're feeling? Is this your first child?

I wouldn't worry too much about routines and where the baby sleeps/naps, it's a matter of coping through the first few months, especially if your baby has problems like colic. Tell otehr people to mind your own business, and do things your way. You sound like you're doing a great job, even if it doesn't feel like it right now.

also ask about an intolerance to dairy products and don't get fobbed off with the he will grow out of it line. There are also other medicines for reflux. Might pay to ask to get a referral to a paediatrician if you feel that you are not getting anywhere.

If he has reflux then a dairy allergy is def a high visibility i would have a talk to your gp about prescribing a dairy free formula.

You are not alone. Other people are going through this too / have gone through this.

First things first, stop worrying about 'making a rod for your own back'. Even if you DID get bad habits they can always be broken when he will be sleeping longer and you are stronger. For what its worth ds never went to sleep independently when he was little and never without bf / motion (car, buggy, rocking) he is 3 now and I sit with him but he doesnt need anything else and generally drops off in 3/4 minutes.

Sleep deprivation is awful and your not doing anything wrong, anyone would struggle with no sleep, I did.

A few things to try...

• Talk to the HV about the possibility of silent reflux
• Ask for a referral to homestart if it is available in yoru area.
• Look into cranial osteopathy, I know a few people for whom this has been the key.
• Get out and about if possible. Stop trying to get him to sleep all the time, go to a mother and baby group for company.
• Talk to family/ dh about how much this is getting you down.

Good luck. x

HI rosily. Sorry to hear your having a tough time and sorry your DH is being an arse. Sometimes men can be once a new baby arrives. It usually gets better though.

Firstly, you are NOT crap, You are doing all the best you can and it is so so so hard with a new baby. It will get better.

Onto the baby. At 3 mths he could be teething. Have you tried calpol? If your finding EASY hard, then don't do it. DO what suits you and feels right. If ds only sleeps in the pram or sling, then let him sleep there. Ignore the 'rod for your own back' comments. It's rubbish. I can guarantee baby will NOT be sleeping in the pram at 2 (and if he is, so what!). Just lie and tell everyone he sleeps in his cot. Does he sleep in the car? Take him for a drive in the daytime.

Have you tried white noise (hairdryer, fan, low radio noise)? That can settle some babies.

It's only 7.30 now, so not having milk since 4pm is not a problem. You'll know when he is hungry.

What did you do for the colic? Infacol can help some babies. Maybe try that.

PND is a bloody pig (had it myself). I alwasy found that I could cope better with the day if I got up and had a shower and washed my hair everyday. Only takes 5 mins (baby can yell on the bathroom floor whilst your doing it) but just helps freshen you up.

Keep talking on MN as well. You'll get lots of good advice and support and there is someone here all the time.

Are you sure it is colic? Ds had gastroenteritis at that age and reflux. He got over the g/e but reflux didn't go until he was 6 months - early weaning at 4 months made a bit of difference but not much. I thought Gaviscon was useless.

He is on hipp organic. he was BF until 5 weeks, when I nearly cracked up as he wouldn't latch. So there is the guilt of that.

He loves his baths. It always stops the crying. Sometimes me and him spend an hour in the bath as he is all smiley in there.

I haven't tried different formulas no. Except a lactose free one, but that made no difference (advised by doc.)

Gonna try and make appointment tomorrow.

My husband is a twat, but I don't have the strength to fight him at the moment.

Rosily whereabouts in the country do you live? x

I was fobbed off with the growing out of reflux (with out pain and gaining weight well) which ds1 did at 6m but it did turn out that he had a dairy inloerance. But he was bf.

You need to move on to ranitidine if it is reflux - so go to another GP for a second opinion.

Reflux is terribly painful and that is why he is screaming - my son had it too, it was like living in hell. I so sympathise with you.

Your DH needs to pull his finger out.

You need a double appointment with GP tomorrow - tell them it is urgent - go to a different practice and say you want to register, whatever, just see a different person.

You MUST tell the GP that you are feeling suicidal because it may be that your medication needs to be upped/changed as well.

Baby's reflux needs proper attention. We were referred to the children's hospital in Edinburgh.

this sounds very much like reflux to me. 3 of mine had this and were also dairy intolerant. I bf but had to give up eating dairy - the effect was dramatic. I didn't realise with my first dd that this is what she had and our first few months sound really similar to yours - she wouldn't stop screaming. I had a bfc for my next dd who realised straight away that she had reflux.

I know babies who had more severe reflux than mine that did need other medicine and also non-dairy formula. The failing to latch on really rang bells for me - often the babies latch on and off because of the discomfort they are under from the acid reflux.

Is there a more helpful health visitor that you can speak to? your doctor sounds rubbish!

yes, we had ranitidine - it really helped.

Easier said than done, but try to remember that It Will Get Better.

Most babies with colic get much better once they hit the 3 month mark, so chances are, you will see a marked change in your DS very soon.

As others said, he might have reflux. Does he vomit a lot? Our DS threw up like you wouldn't believe (think: running down his body, then my body, pooling on the floor) and only just grew out of it. After a feed, he would burp and a few seconds later, what seems like the entire content of his stomach would come out.

To improve night sleep: Put a pillow under his mattress so his head is a bit higher than his feet. If he is waking up every half hour due to reflux, this should help.

Does he have the dummy? If yes, he might be waking up every half hour in the night because the dummy is falling out. DS did this and we ended up taking away the dummy. If he doesn't have the dummy, you might consider giving him one.

I'm sorry it's so hard. But It Will Get Better