I just don't know hoe much more of this I can take I am at breaking point

[roslily]

My ds is 12 weeks old. He has/had colic. As in I thought it had settled down but the screaming is back.

Anyway, the last week he hasn't slept for more than half an hour at a time, it is killing me. LAst night he did 3 hours which is good for him. But he hardly sleeps in day so I can't catch up on any sleep.

I was trying the whole EASY routine thing, but it is just stressing me out more. He sleeps in sling, sometimes in pram (not for long though) but every one keeps telling me that I need to get him sleeping independently or I will never get him sleeping properly, and will still have to use pram when he is two (I get a lot of rod for your own back comments)

Tonight he had a bath, then screamed and screamed unconsolable. Refused bottle 9so hasn't eaten since 4pm)I swaddled him and put him in cot in the end as I was crying so much. He just went quiet and I assume he has gone to sleep.

I just don;t know what to do anymore. I am so crap at this. I have no idea what I am supposed to do with him when he is awake and feel like I spend the whole day trying to get him to sleep. I spend loads of time crying at the moment.

Add to this my husband, won't do nights as he "has to work" and has ME so doesn't want a relapse. My family live 200miles away. Ds was an accident, and I refused to sdo anything but keep him do husband keeps saying "well you wanted him" and "its your job"

Sorry this is long and rambling, I feel wretched. I am already on citalopram for PND. If it wasn't for my ds I would have topped myself by now.

Well today despite all my, go with thee flow stuff he slept for an hour and 20mins between 6am and 7pm! If only that meant he would sleep through the night! We have ben walking with sling and pram today.

I am giving co-sleeping another go, worried about my pillow though and how much I will actually sleep.

rosily, just wanted to add some support. You have some great advice on this thread about different strategies, all i would add is that you need to do whatever gets you the most rest, sleep deprivation is the worst and makes it impossible for you to work out how you really feel, you're just too knackered to know. As far as your dh is concerned, i've suffered from ME for most of my adult life (i spent my 20s in my bed)and i truly believe it's a balance of the psychological and the physical. I've been a mum for nearly 4 years now, work full time and have NEVER had a relapse in that time (although i do take a bit longer to recover from flu etc). Your dh needs to step up to help you right now, and if he can't do it (duvet over the head time? been there!) then he needs to get the help, physical or psychological that will help him support you.I guess even if he couldn't do much physically he could help you a lot with a change of attitiude? Anyhow, no real words of wisdom, just that they aren't wee for all that long, and that it will get better some time. Hang on in there, we are here.

Just a quick point - this is your DHs baby too. If he didnt want any children, then he should have taken responsibility for more effective contraception. He needs to get his finger out and NOW! You are not coping well and need some help and support.
Also, you ARE doing a good job. You can not be expected to know everything the instant you have a baby. And please, please, do not feel guilty about the breastfeeding. I am not trying to getting in a big debate about pro's and con's but I have 3 boys who were all bottle fed with no issues. You need to do what suits you and baby best and that isn't breast feeding.
Did you have a psyciatric assessment when you were diagnosed with PND? You should have done and it should be re-done at regular intervals. If your doctor is not up to scratch, you are within your rights to ask to see another. As a fellow PND sufferer, I think your meds may need changing.
Do you have any family close by? Where in Leeds are you cos I'm in that area. Come and bend my ear and I will cuddle your LO for a bit lol
Big hugs x

I am east leeds, Kippax.

Thanks for the support. We had a bit of a chat and he has been much better. He takes him in evening so I can rest and an hour in morning before he goes to work while I snooze. He also got up last night and helped me comfort him when he wouldn't resettle.

Would love to meet people in leeds, none of my friends have babies.

Roslily, I really really know how you're feeling. Up until 3 weeks ago, I felt the same. I had a baby who screamed all day long and slept very poorly and little. I have posted on MN a few times and got plenty of good advice. My DS has reflux which is now under control with omeprazole. He was also diagnosed with lactose intolerance and since being put on LF formula he truly is a different baby. He is happy when awake, smiles and giggles a lot, and naps during the day. I no longer dread getting up in the morning and I can eat again. I have started to enjoy motherhood.
You said LF milk didn't make any difference. Maybe, as others suggested, it's worth trying him on cow milk's protein free milk? (nutramigen or neocate?) I don't believe babies scream this much without reason. If it's "only" colic, then it's hell but your LO will grow out of it. But if it's reflux (and possibly something else too), then these things can be managed well.
I now know that my DS screamed so much cause he was in constant pain and overtired as he could get enough rest.

I keep my fingers crossed it gets better for you!

First, you aren't crap at it. Twelve weeks in I was convinced I should have mine adopted for his own good...it's just hormones. As far as I can tell, it's completely normal.

And at this point, sleep for you both is what matters, whether it's in a pram or not. Ignore the 3rd party comments.

Next, do exactly as your GP says for 7 days. Then go back & tell him if it isn't helping. Ask for an alternative to Gaviscon. If that then doesn't work, ask your GP to refer him to a paediatrician. Try to take someone (friend, neighbour) with you for moral support. If your GP is dismissive, try your health visitor. And ring Homestart and ask for help.

Apart from that, why not go & stay with your family for a few days. Warn them beforehand you need help. Most people have been there, it's normal, so they will more than likely chip in.

just read this, and you are having such a hard time glad your DH is being a bit better
Agree with everyone who says forget about instilling good 'habits' your baby is too little to learn bad habits and even if that was the case, you need sleep, rest NOW and can worry about everything else later.
Do you have parents? Do they work? I assume they live 200 miles away - any chance they could come for a visit of a few days and really help to give you a proper break?? Just going in the shower knowing he's being cuddled and having 2 hours sleep while they push him around in the pram would make life more bearable
Just re-read your last sentence. How long have you been on the ADs? Are they having any effect at all? Have you spoken to anyone about how bad you feel?

roslily, dd1 didn't sleep at all during the day until past four months. the first time she fell asleep during the day, i called dh at work and made him come home, i was so worried . we both sat and looked at her for about two hours as we were so worried...

by six months she had sort of established an afternoon nap routine, but she never, ever slept in the mornings. at all. not did ds1. dd2 did. they are all so different and often attempts to set a routine before four months or so can be counter-productive.

i do know what it's like to have a screamer - dd1 was a reflux baby, and dd2 (dc3) had lots of feeding problems which meant we had to establish a 'nights-only' routine. really really hard, and so tough for the first few months. ds1 fed every two hours day and night until he was 10 months... different things suit different babies, and some of it is pretty hard on mums, so it's really important to get some support.

personally i would be handing ds over to dh and disappearing for a couple of hours - even if it's to a friends to get some sleep.

lower your expectations, and get some coping strategies in place. out of the house is essential. every day. even if it's only for a walk. find as many baby groups as you can and get to them.

i used to take dd2 to baby groups where she would scream solidly for two hours. it became rather a talking point, but made people understand why i needed help lol.

i do feel for you. so difficult at this stage.

duende (Roslily - sorry to hijack) - so so happy to hear that your LO is so much better - I've been thinking of you but for some reason the thread disappeared so I just hoped that appointment went well - which it seemed like it did!

hellsbelles, thank you! yes, the app went well - the paed prescribed LF formula and within 24 hours DS was completely tranformed. We stil find it hard to believe. DS was a bit grumpy today, but "a bit grumpy and crying a little" really is as bad is it gets these days. (I hope I don't jinx it ;))

Thanks. We tried on tin of LF which lasted 3 days. Dh reckoned it made a difference, I'm not sure. He definitely slept more. He was still sick though. Although I suppose he could have reflux and some kind of intolerance.

I have been to stay with my parents- mum is a teacher like me so no time off in term time. I think they know dh is being a bit crap- for some reason I feel the need to defend him to them.

how was last night?

Roslily, my DS is still sick on LF, I add milk thickener to his feeds which helps a bit. (he is not upset with it though as omeprazole stops the acid being produced so being sick doesn't cause him pain.) Before, he was on Enfamil AR and that helped the sickness a lot,but he still screamed and suffered with tummy cramps.
Lactose intolerance is easy to diagnose - they do a stool test for reducing subtances. If it shows sugars, it means baby is lactose intolerant.

I think cow milk's protein allergy can be diagnosed with some blood tests, but usually they will rather put baby on special formula and see if it works.

Also, if your LO has reflux, he is in pain, so no wonder he screams and doesn't sleep. I think you should definitely insist your GP gives you a trial of some other medicines (like others have said, gaviscon doesn't help many babies). Some posters say their babies are on ranitidine + domperidone, for others omperazole works.

Rosily, I'm so sorry you're having such a tough time

Does your DS have a dummy? I know some people don't like them but I found that a dummy really helped my DD's reflux. I think the sucking and swallowing helps keep the acid down.

Ranitadine was also a godsend for us.

You probably already know this but try to keep the 'head above feet' thing in your mind all the time -even when he's in the pram or on his playmat. Lying completely flat - even for a minute used to really upset DD. It was a nightmare.

Roslily, really sorry to hear you're having such a hard time. Just wanted to add that if you're having problems with your GPs you can talk to your local Primary Care Trust (PCT) Patient Advice and Liaison Service and they will help you to get the response you need. I've done this a couple of times where I live when I wasn't happy but didn't want to make a formal complaint and found them helpful.

Don't know if you're in the Leeds PCT area but, if so, there's a page here: www.nhs.uk/ServiceDirectories/Pages/Trust.aspx?id=5N1 with the contact details (you have to scroll to nearly the bottom of the page).

Good luck, I hope things start to feel more under control soon.

Well I have started co-sleeping again, although properly, not just when I am too tired to try and get him down.

He has been waking up content, and sometimes I wake up and he is staring at me. He only wakes for feeds now (around 10pm, 2am and 5/6am) much better!

Daytime naps are still 30mins and wake up screaming. I have elevated the cot but it doesn't make much difference.

So I will continue with the co-sleeping and hope he isn't still there when he's 10!

Roslily, pleased to hear you're in better spirits
when my DS wakes up from a nap crying, I pick him up and try and cuddle him back to sleep. In his case, if he wakes up crying, it means he woke up to early and is stil tired. Sometimes I manage to get him back off, sometimes I don't. (sometimes, he wakes up after only 30 minutes and smiles an chats away, then I know it was just how long he needed.)

roslily, some great advice on this thread, hope you are feeling better - you are doing marvellously

if co-sleeping works then do it - in other cultures it is the norm and the little man has spent 9 months being right close to your heart beat, it's quite natural that he feels best sleeping close to you

Just one more suggestion for you - have you tried a vibrating bouncy chair? That might soothe him to sleep in in the day x

Went to GP. Ds also has large mucus cyst in hismouth, but they say just to leave it.

As to reflux/crying/not sleeping GP has referred himto paediatric clinic so hopefully they will find something/helpin some way.

As to me, she has upped my ADs and told me it gets better. SHe said basically I need a break fronm baby, but dh is bloody useless.

Don't worry about 'rod for your own back' stuff. Your baby is still really young and it won't mean he's still there when he's 10! If it works do it - that's my view.

Good to see a paediatrician - ask them for something stronger than Gaviscon. The chair idea is a good one too. My DD didn't sleep during day until she was nearly 1! She had silent reflux.

One thing - does your baby twist his head in an odd way when feeding, pulling off the bottle? If so - this is a sign of silent reflux as the baby stretches their neck to stop the acid burning them.

Keep your chin up - it does get better - honest!