Talk to me about being the parent of 10-16 year olds please?

[LoveMyGirls]

Our eldest is 10 going on 16.....

We're starting to think about things like:
Later bedtimes
Sleepovers
Going out alone
Being at home on her own
Being taught to cook
Periods
Having boyfriends

I'd love to hear how you cope with all this stuff as it's all going to be new to me and I'm still stuck with my fingers in my ears going la la la la la and nooo she's my little girl, she's only 10! But all this stuff is creeping up and i want to be prepared so come on hit me with it.......

How old were yours when they started all this stuff? Any advice?

I really don't want to give too much or too little because I know once I have said she can stay up late or go out on her own etc there is no going back! eeeekkkkkkkkkkkkkk

Anyone?

you are asking too much lmg

can you narrow it down a bit? My brain is fried

10 sounds quite young for all that stuff, except perhaps for sleepovers with her girlfriends.

DS1 is 11 in Feb.
He goes to bed at 8:30
He does not go out alone as such - walks home from school or to the post box.
He's left at home sometimes for up to an hour if I have to haul the other 2 off somewhere. he has done this for a year with strict instructions on what to do.
Taught to cook? I did try teaching him to make me coffee
Thankfully, periods are not a problem nor are (I hope) boyfriends. He is mortified at the idea of girls though so #i don't think I need to worry.

Stroppy as hell mind you.

DD (5) knows how to make me and DP our coffee! And she can stay at home alone for 10-15 minutes while I pop out to the baker/butcher/dry cleaner/recycling etc.

Sorry.

We'll start with later bedtimes?

Dd1 will start secondary school next year so I'm starting to think of all of the things I've mentioned, I was 12 when I started secondary school and times have changed so I can't measure it against what I was allowed and when.

Thanks

DD is 12

Later bedtimes...........Always early birds in our family, 9pm

Sleepovers........Yes, went on one this weekend, they tried on each others bras! They have known each other since they were 4.

Going out alone ....... with mates yes, she is beginning to, wants to go to see the Twilight new film with a mate on Saturday. But as they go to school on the train now, they are already so independent.

Being at home on her own....yes for short periods

Being taught to cook... have been doing this for a while

Periods... yes has had two in 6 months, she is extremely nonchalant, but she wasn't the first or the last.

Having boyfriends.. no, but says she likes someone. She was asked out last year, but it was all very innocent on both parts.

One step at a time basically! I'll tell you what, littlies are much easier than teenagers!

With DD, who is now 14, we started very early on the cooking! DH is a fab cook, so that one was easy. She's been cooking meals for a long while.

Going out, is the main one, I suppose. We let her go to the park (100 yards from home) during the summer months of yr 6. She was going to have to walk to school on her own, so we wanted her to get used to being responsible and us to get used to her going!

Boyfriends. Don't even go there!! I'm sure she's had a couple of boyfriends, but tbh, I don't encourage it. She knows how I feel about her being too young to be bothered with boys.

Sleepovers - been doing it for ages, here and at her mates. Only once or twice though, has she stayed at a secondary school friends, that I don't know particularly well. Everyone else has been mates for years.

Periods, I let the school deal with in Yr5 and then answered questions, if necessary!

The thing is, do all these things slowly now and tbh, it just kinda evolves. Don't worry about any of them, unless they happen really. When DD was 10 and I was thinking similar things to you, I would have been mortified to think she could do anything on her own. Now, at 14, she's off and running. Don't think twice about her telling me she's going on the bus to town or walking round to her mates house, 15mins away.

I have 14 and 12 year old girls and so far - Later bedtimes - bedtime is usually 9.30 on a school night, with lights out by 9.45. However, dp much to my chagrin, is letting them watch 'I'm a nonentity' so it's currently 10.00.

Sleepovers - they have an occasional friend over here, on a Saturday or in a holiday and occasionally go in return. We know the parents of the ones they go to and that come here - wouldn't do it otherwise.

Going out alone - they have just started going to town, the cinema in the daytime etc without us. DD2 only allowed to if with her sister.

Being at home on her own - both allowed to do this in the daytime; not in the evenings. Never for more than a couple of hours and dp always phones them on mobiles to check all is okay.

Being taught to cook - they can both cook / they don't do it much though! And they still like me to help with the oven but that's mainly because our oven is tricksy and needs a firm hand when switching it on.

Periods - dd1 has started - about 2 years ago; dd2 hasn't. Have always been aware of periods, towels etc and of period pain because I suffer terribly with it!

Having boyfriends - not there yet. They are at a girls' school and opportunities so far are limited. They pull faces if boys are mentioned.

Ok to give you a comparison - my DD1 is 11 in a couple of weeks.

Her bedtime is 2030 in the week, 2100-2130 at weekends.

She has friends for sleepovers occasionally and is allowed to go to friends for sleepovers as long as I know them and their parents.

She is allowed out alone to the local shop, in daylight only, and is allowed out with friends to the shop, park or to walk down the road to her friend's house. She knows the 'boundary' and has been very good about not going anywhere she isn't allowed.

She is allowed to be at home alone for short periods.

I've taught her how to make cups of tea, bacon sarnies, scrambled egg and toast etc.

We did the periods/puberty/sex thing over the last year or so - as she asked, I answered.

No to boyfriends but she has friends that are boys.

All this is relatively recent and has happened in stages over the last 9-12 months. She is very sensible and quite solitary so isn't one for going off places. She is still quite young in a lot of ways - she doesn't wear make up or have a mobile phone because when it boils down to it she's only (virtually) 11.

DD just turned 12

Later bedtimes - we have agreed on 10pm at weekends (F&S) with 8 during the week
Sleepovers - whenever she is asked she can go - here is less often owing to work - but has been around since about 5
Going out alone - in the village to a friends house is OK - but she must ring when she arrives, in a shopping centre if I am there with strict rules & times to meet
Being at home on her own - anytime she wants to but as yet she refuses more than 5 minutes while I nip to the post office
Being taught to cook - has been cooking full meals for 3 or 4 years
Periods - have been discussing these for 3 or 4 years
Having boyfriends - la, la, la never going to happen

I have an allowed stay upnight x2 a week until 9 pm of dd same age and on rest of nights 8,30 but ask her to go to bed to relax snuggle read as this is a good thing to do in life.
Teaching to cook- able to make cuppe - have now moved on to scramled egg on toast.I do a pud whilst watch out and advise she does start to finish..my ds who is older is not as intrested but he had a go at peeling apples the other day - wish i did more of this but a bit random..!
home alone - up to an hour with my phone on and door locked - instrucions to call me if worried...I rang her x4 in hour at ist she got annoyed i kept bothering her !!quite enjoyed it at times, other times didnt..
periods - discussed as she has asked and been open bout my own.
boyfriends - it more the idea of one than reality at the mo - talked to her bout what you value in a person so far ...

MaureenMLove how is your lovely DD? My DD2 still enjoys the fab book she made for her

Aw, that's nice! She's fine thankyou. Bit under the weather, as she spent the weekend on an outward bound trip in the rain, but fine.

How your DD? School going well?

DD is 12 soon

Later bedtimes - a bone of contention - we've agreed 9.30 on school nights
Sleepovers - hell on earth but these have tailed off now
Going out alone - it happens but parents are the taxi service and I insist (eyeroll from DD on knowing who she is with and checking with other parents)
Being at home on her own - allowed but not for long and not at night as she feels nervous
Being taught to cook - we've been doing this for years - have a thread on the subject - they can both cook and do so frequently
Periods - gave her a book on it and talked it through - not started yet but soon will happen
Having boyfriends - the current boyfriend is rather nice but a bit shy - all it amounts to is walking around a bit together and constant texting atm

The thing you didn't ask about which is a real area of contention and potential risk is computers and mobiles and safety - especially on the net

Dd1 is 13.5, goes to bed at ten, earlier if tired, or will go up at nine for a long bath and get straight into bed

She has been going out to town during the day with friends for about a year, for increasing periods of time. At first I would go in with her and friends, then meet up with them later on etc and take them home.

She can fix herself something to eat and work the washing machine.

She stays home on her own as often as necessary if I have to be out.

We discussed periods etc quite openly, and she is pretty savvy. She occasionally asks me to buy her towels, but ever since she started them a year or so ago she has managed them on her own with no grumbling.

There are people with boyfriends in her year, but she claims not to be interested in anybody in particular.

Maureen she's now in Year 1 and loves school! Finds it exhausting but loves it.

DD 12

Didn't want to know about periods or anything about growing up from me, but thankfully the talk in year 5 happened before her periods started in yr6. She still won't talk about it and manages them on her own.

Stays at home by herself, goes to school by train and went shopping to the local shopping for the first time by herself with a friend. She has been going to the park or the sports centre or friends houses by herself for about a year starting in yr 6.

No boyfriends but has a crush on Nick Jonas and we went to wembley on friday to see the Jonas Brothers, which was her first pop concert.
Have not encouraged her on the cooking front because she is clumsy and it worries me, but she has started to make hot drinks and sandwiches.

Bed is usually between 9 and 10.

Thanks everyone, it's good to hear what I can expect, it puts me at ease a little bit.

We have talked about periods and I'm open about mine, she knows about PMT, period pains and the other day she had her friend coming round and said to me "mum I've had to move your tampons into the cupboard because my friend is coming round" so she's not embarrassed about talking to me about it.

Computers/ phone - she has had a mobile for a while and a laptop which has a net nanny thing installed (dh is an IT guy so he sorts that) we have talked to her about the dangers and she knows we are strict. We don't put credit on her phone much and I'm the one reminding her to even switch it on.

She does the odd bit of cooking, sandwiches, beans on toast, cups of tea etc so good to know she isn't miles off everyone else.

I have never left her on her own because there has never been a need, sometimes she runs in the shop while I wait in the car or has walked to the shop near toddler group.

She did have a boyfriend once but it was a boy she met whilst on holiday with her grandparents and he lived miles away so she would occasionally talk to him on msn (with me peering over her shoulder) but that fizzled out and was nothing really.

Next year she will be getting herself to and from school which is a big jump from where we are now but I guess we have nearly a year to get her used to short trips and build her confidence, maybe I should start with letting her walk to the shop? Although the area we live in isn't great and she has no siblings or friends locally who can walk with her so I'm not sure?

Something else I wanted to know is how you feel about your dc's growing up? I don't feel old enough if I'm honest! I'm 27, I enjoy having our evenings and I know that it won't many years until we are going to bed before dd, what will we do about sex?

When dd was younger I thought we'd have brought a house with a garage we could convert so we'd still have some space and she could have her friends round and we'd know they were safe but that won't be happening because of the house prices.

How do you have time as a couple?

That must be really hard!