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Original poster

Bit silly, but honest opinions please..was my DD being a brat?

59 replies

EllieG · 14/11/2009 20:49

This is daft but something happened at a cafe/restaurant today (not a posh place, but not particularly kiddie-ish either)that I wanted to check out....

DD is 19 months old. I was having lunch and towards the end, when we had all finished eating and we were just having coffee, she says she wants to get down. I thought, well, we won't be long, and since she's sat in high chair for an hour really well, and it's not at all busy there, I didn't think would cause a problem if she got down for a bit. Plus I know she will not run around yelling or anything, but stay pretty close to me. As expected, she pootles up and down, but stops next to table where man and his missus are sitting and smiles at them. She looks at them for a min or two, smiling (possibly nattering something or other) but doesn't do anything else and man turns to me and asks somewhat agressively for me to 'take your child away!'.

I call her and make her sit on my lap, and then pay up and leave.

First impression was, 'What a fecking rude man, she wasn't doing any harm!'. But then I wondered if I was at fault for letting her wander round, I just thought was easier and less disruptive for everyone than having her squeal and squirm in her highchair. Don't want to be one of those parents who is all 'OOoo my kid is more important than anything else' though and lets their child be all annoying.

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Original poster

EllieG · 14/11/2009 20:51

Blimey, that was a bit long-winded, sorry

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BaDaBing · 14/11/2009 20:52

Guy is a twat. Your daughter sounds like she was being perfectly behaved, better than I get from my 3 yr old ds in those situations sometimes!

Some people just don't like kids, it's his problem.

GrimmaTheNome · 14/11/2009 20:53

No, I think you and your DD were OK. Most people are more than happy to have a little child this age engage with them - shame this chap was one of the ones who wasn't. But as you took her away when he asked thats fine - if you'd let her carry on at that point you'd have been a bit out of order. (not your DD, I don't think her behaviour sounds bratty at all)

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Acanthus · 14/11/2009 20:53

Now, see, I logged onto this expecting to read that she probably had been, as you see so much bad behaviour and you needed to ask. but no, no way. She was fine.

MyCatIsABiggerBastardThanYours · 14/11/2009 20:54

Well, it doesn't sound like she was being a brat and the man sounds rude, but maybe he and his partner just wanted to talk. I guess if they wanted to spend time with kids they would have had them with them and perhaps gone somewhere a bit more child friendly.

Of course, he should not have been rude.

ClaireDeLoon · 14/11/2009 20:55

You don't really know why they reacted why they did tbh - they could have been having an in depth discussion about something important and didn't appreciate the interruption. If you knew she was at their table for a minute or two, as you say in your post, you should have gone got her.

That said she wasn't being a brat, not at all. And the man should have been more polite in asking you to come get her.

I wouldn't get hung up on it. Just a small incident

mrsgboring · 14/11/2009 20:55

I think many people are touchy about children "running around" restaurants (in reality often just walking). It's not great to loom up at other people's tables, but not particularly bad either. They were very rude in the way they dealt with it.

Small children roaming are a hazard to waiting staff though.

FWIW my top tip for toddlers in restaurants is pudding, coffee and the bill should all be taken together, so DC is occupied with something gooey, you relax and you don't get the agonising bit of adult faffing at the end of the meal which is so hard for children to tolerate.

Original poster

EllieG · 14/11/2009 20:58

I suppose it was more about whether I was being rubbish than her being bratty, as 19 months is young for deliberate 'bad' behaviour, but thank you all for reassuring me. I guess I (and most to be fair) find little ones charming and so I forget that some might be irritated by mine coming up and trying to engage with them. will maybe be bit more aware in future.

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ravenAK · 14/11/2009 20:58

Miserable git. Your dd was obviously behaving very nicely.

I suppose there'd be a school of thought that you shouldn't allow your child to wander around a restaurant (personally I think pootling in quiet restaurant fine, screaming & legging over the waiters in a busy one not...), but I don't think that anyone could possibly reproach your dd or think her a brat.

SarahSon · 14/11/2009 21:00

She was fine - but he had every right to have his lunch without a small child interupting as well.

You have no idea what was going on, they could have been discussing almost anything or be in any situation so it is not unreasonable that they would want to be without disturbance.

If she was there for more than a few seconds chattering then you should really have caught their eye to check if it was ok with them or just called her back to distract her really but I don't think it sounds like any of you really did anything too much wrong!

Original poster

EllieG · 14/11/2009 21:00

Thanks for tip re pudding and coffee and also thought re waiting staff. It has not happened before as she's always been happy to sit until everyone's finished, but for some reason not today. If had been busy would not have done it, but might try bringing more toys etc for similar situation in future so can keep her occupied at table rather than her getting underfoot.

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thelunar66 · 14/11/2009 21:06

She doesn't sound in the last bit bratty to me.

But you don't know what him and his lunch partner were discussing, so that could explain him asking you to take DD back.

She does sound lovely though

SarahSon · 14/11/2009 21:08

EllieG, just to pick up on something in you post there, without wanting to make anyone cross!

I have a large family of my own and come from a massive extended family, I find young dc charming too. However, I would not appreciate one turning up in the middle of my child free lunch whilst I tried to discuss my redundancy/sons divorce/death of the dog or whatever.

The fact is that you have no idea what people are in the middle of so letting your charming dc approach others means you are going to risk those people not being impressed - regardless of how much they love children usually!

Original poster

EllieG · 14/11/2009 21:14

thelunar66 - She is lovely, yes

You make good points, maybe his wife was in the middle of leaving him for being such an effing miserable bugger, so he was probably fair enough in not appreciating my DD walking up and going 'Duck!' or similar (though it was only very brief moment she was there, as I was keeping an eye and would have called her back if she had hung around)

Thanks for the advice people - Don't want to turn into one of those parents who inflicts their child on other people (they used to annoy me, pre-children) so, forewarned is fore-armed, I will bring some crayons next time and she will be happy in her chair for longer

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sandcastles · 14/11/2009 21:17

Agree with SarahSon, I love children but would be annoyed with having a strangers child stare/trying to converse with me for 2 minutes while trying to enjoy my lunch with dh/friend/my children.

It can be off putting & distracting.

If it were my child, she would have had enough time for a brief 'hello' then I would have bought her back to our table, apologising for the interruption as I collected her.

As cute and as wonderful as I think my children are, I don't expect everyone to think the same of them!

HinnyPet · 14/11/2009 21:17

She wasn't being a brat AT ALL and I'm bloody immpressed at 19 months she told you she wanted to get down!

sandcastles · 14/11/2009 21:20

And I am sorry, but I don't think he is either miserable, or a twat just because he didn't want to eat his lunch with a toddler looking on.

He could have been discussing anything, you cannot say he was miserable because you don't know the circumstances in his life.

Ok, so your perception was that he was rude, but maybe he was talking a friend out on the anniversary of his wife's death, or just been given some bad news.

Original poster

EllieG · 14/11/2009 21:23

Was probably bit misleading in original post, she was not there for 2 mins, meant that as in 'a moment or two' rather than actual time

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Kewcumber · 14/11/2009 21:24

Some people don't have children and are uncomfortable dealing with them, some people just don't like them.

My DS (4) is very sociable and I watch very carefully when he's interacting with people out in public - you can generally tell very quickly if they are child friendly or not.

If he is chatting away and they are not chatting back, I go and scoop him up quickly. If they appear to be enjoying talking to him, I leave it a couple of minutes then go and check if they are OK with him. Then I take him away after about 5 minutes.

If your DD is going to be a chatty type I think you do need to monitor her closely but nothing wrong with her interacting with people who are enjoying it too.

PS I don;t think an 18 month can be deliberately brattish

morningpaper · 14/11/2009 21:26

She wasn't being a brat but you were wrong to let her approach people in a restaurant IMO, unless they were obviously coo-ing at her beforehand

I would hate to be approached by children while enjoying a rare lunch out - sorry

Original poster

EllieG · 14/11/2009 21:27

And sandcastles, I wasn't being entirely serious before, was meant to be light-hearted slightly facetious comment, obviously I am aware that I don't know what he was discussing.

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Original poster

EllieG · 14/11/2009 21:29

Thank you all - will bear advice in mind and hopefully will not happen again

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JANEITEisntErudite · 14/11/2009 21:31

No she wasn't being a brat - she is too young to be a brat. However, I would hate having somebody else's child come and stare/babble at me whilst I was eating and I would never, ever have allowed my children to do it. However, you sound a perfectly rational and sensible woman - so I will let you off this once!

jaquelinehyde · 14/11/2009 21:35

I agree with MP on this one.

You also have no idea who these two people are, or what they were discussing. I would hate to have a child looking up at me for attention when I'm trying to discuss, my divorce, a sudden death, the collapse of my finances etc. So claiming him to be rude etc is a little harsh.

MollieO · 14/11/2009 21:38

I have always worked on the assumption that other people won't like my ds. He has always talked to others in restaurants (whilst sitting at the table) and I always always apologise. If the other people are happy to talk back to him then that is fine but at least I have given them the choice.

We were in a very smart restaurant last weekend and someone on the next table started to talking to ds (now 5). I said to them that unless they wanted to spend their entire lunch talking to him they should stop. They were more than happy to carry on and ds had a lovely time - 'mummy they are very kind people' .

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