Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

Bit silly, but honest opinions please..was my DD being a brat?

59 replies

EllieG · 14/11/2009 20:49

This is daft but something happened at a cafe/restaurant today (not a posh place, but not particularly kiddie-ish either)that I wanted to check out....

DD is 19 months old. I was having lunch and towards the end, when we had all finished eating and we were just having coffee, she says she wants to get down. I thought, well, we won't be long, and since she's sat in high chair for an hour really well, and it's not at all busy there, I didn't think would cause a problem if she got down for a bit. Plus I know she will not run around yelling or anything, but stay pretty close to me. As expected, she pootles up and down, but stops next to table where man and his missus are sitting and smiles at them. She looks at them for a min or two, smiling (possibly nattering something or other) but doesn't do anything else and man turns to me and asks somewhat agressively for me to 'take your child away!'.

I call her and make her sit on my lap, and then pay up and leave.

First impression was, 'What a fecking rude man, she wasn't doing any harm!'. But then I wondered if I was at fault for letting her wander round, I just thought was easier and less disruptive for everyone than having her squeal and squirm in her highchair. Don't want to be one of those parents who is all 'OOoo my kid is more important than anything else' though and lets their child be all annoying.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Jux · 14/11/2009 21:45

Definitely not a brat, not at all. But you don't know whether man and his missus have just come from a clinic where they've been told they'll never be able to have children, or that one of htem has incurable cancer etc.

I'm not suggesting for a moment that you shouldn't let your child wander round and smile at strangers on a nearby table, or anything else. I do think that you shouldn't label people when you are asked to take your child away, though.

MistergodthisisSal · 14/11/2009 21:55

I guess taking extra toys etc might help for future, but I'm not really convinced it would have been better if you left her in her chair - surely if she screamed in her chair for 5 minutes every single person (or most) around you would have been disturbed and most likely annoyed?

At least she sounded really well behaved. Ds, on the other hand, is becoming impossible to take anywhere that's not 100% child infested friendly!

bruffin · 14/11/2009 22:04

Sorry you shouldn't have let her wander in a restaurant, it's dangerous for her and for other people.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Families General parenting

Kewcumber · 14/11/2009 22:10

you really htink its dangerous to let a child walk around a restaurant . What kind of restaurants do you go to?! agreed she shouldn't be wandering in the path of waiters but that generally leaves quite a large part of most restaurants not heaving with hidden dangers.

TheFallenMadonna · 14/11/2009 22:15

I agree with mp and janeite.

I actually don't find children universally charming, and would find it odd to be stared at while eating.

ThePinkOne · 14/11/2009 22:22

I perhaps would've called her back a bit sooner or tried to catch thier eye to make sure they didn't mind her being there. It can be a bit disconcerting if someone isn't comfortable with children, to have one babbling at them!

He however was being quite rude and no you or your dd didn't really do anything wrong.

bruffin · 14/11/2009 22:24

A baby doesn't know what the safe areas of the restaurant are and a waitress might not see her under her feet or she could reach up onto a table and pull hot coffee onto herself or someone else.

TheCrackFox · 14/11/2009 22:30

I am not a massive fan of children toddling about restaurants as it is not fair on the waiting staff. It is all too easy to spill coffee all over them.

When they are bored then it is time to leave.

The man was quite rude but he maybe really doesn't like children no matter how charming they are.

Tryharder · 14/11/2009 22:37

Can't believe the number of people on here who find other people's children so unengaging!

I would quite happily chat to any child who stopped at my table and TBH if it were my child, I would expect the other diners to be completely bowled over by his looks and obvious charm

The man sounds boorish. I think he's in the wrong. I'm afraid I would have said something to him - perhaps "I'm sorry that my little girl disturbed you - she obviously thought you looked like a really nice person and wanted to chat"

ClaireDeLoon · 14/11/2009 22:40

tryharder is that a tongue in cheek post?

lilolilmanchester · 14/11/2009 23:06

have not read the other responses deliberately. From what you say, your DD was not acting like a brat and most people would find her totally charming and engage with her. But then was thinking, you have no idea what was going on in their lives (perhaps they were discussing divorce; perhaps they couldn't have children of their own or other serious issues etc etc)don't like having a little one around. Of course it could be that they were just unpleasant people. But you don't know, so perhaps don't judge them?

sandcastles · 15/11/2009 00:55

Tryharder, many people myself included, love children, but that doesn't mean that we want a peaceful lunch interrupted by someone elses child.

I would say hello to the child, but then hope that their parent come & take them back to their own table. I would find it very distracting to eat while being watched, not to mention that I wouldn't be able to talk freely while the child was standing there as I would feel like I had to interact rather than ignore. Would you like an adult to stand over you & watch you eat?

Child wasn't being a brat, but in fairness, no one except the OP put that notion out there!

The child wasn't shouted at, called a brat etc, so why mum felt the needed to ask if she was being a brat is unknown.

To me, she was being friendly, inquisitive etc, but a lot of people don't see it like that (and even those that do, me inc, still don't want to be stared at) & we have to respect other people's space.

Monty100 · 15/11/2009 01:12

I think your baby was being really cute. It would take quite a lot not to welcome such sweet behaviour. So you don't know what was going on with them.

mathanxiety · 15/11/2009 01:41

Most restaurants are full of tables and waitstaff serving every table most of the time if they're busy. Plus the waitstaff are carrying plates or trays which obstruct their view of small children under hip level. And how would a small child know where the waitstaff were going to be walking and avoid that area? Best to keep them from walking around. Food can be very hot.

OP, your child sounds really charming, and sorry you had an encounter with someone who felt entitled to speak brusquely to you. But I think restaurants can be dangerous places for toddlers and small children to walk about in.

Mandy1966 · 15/11/2009 11:58

So whats wrong with saying "would you mind taking your child away, thankyou"
Manners dont cost anything, do they?
But then alot of people these days dont seem to have grasped the concept of manners IMO.

ChilloHippi · 15/11/2009 12:08

I wouldn't have asked the parents to move the child, but I can see why that would be extremely annoying. You shouldn't have let her stand there for a minute or two.

ChilloHippi · 15/11/2009 12:08

But no, it doesn not sound at all like she was being a brat, just a normal child.

busybutterfly · 15/11/2009 12:30

I took my 2 DS to a really nice cafe as they had an inset day after 1/2 term. Elderly woman at the next table said loudly to the waitress, "What are those children doing here, they're supposed to be at school!"

YANBU at all. And your DD sounds delightful.

branflake81 · 15/11/2009 18:40

I used to be a waitress as a student and hated it when parents let their kids wander around - they really did get in the way.

sandcastles · 15/11/2009 21:54

Mandy, the same could be said for not having the manners to remove your child from a table of people eating!

KERALA1 · 15/11/2009 22:09

What a charmless man. If he wanted to get rid of your dd he could have done very easily in a non offensive way. A smile and "time to go back to your mummy darling" would have worked, got the point across and not upset you.

Also it was lunchtime and in a cafe. Could understand him being peeved if it had been a night out at the The Ivy but a cafe in the day time is surely not an unreasonable place for a child to be?

Bet this wouldnt have happened in Italy/France where it seems children are more socially acceptable, liked and tolerated than in this country.

hormonalmum · 15/11/2009 22:22

The rare times I get to go out with my dh, we endeavour to go to places where there are unlikely to be children.
We spend enough of our time getting interrupted by our own children never mind by someone elses.

I am not mean and generally am child friendly but given you do not know the circumstances he was probably within his rights for a quiet meal / conversation but was a little rude in his manner.

Agree with chillihippo.

purpleduck · 15/11/2009 22:26

maybe he's allergic

Quattrofangs · 15/11/2009 22:27

I personally would not want a child wandering up to my table and trying to engage with me while I was having lunch or dinner. Why would I? Why would anyone?

No call to be rude about it though.

2shoes · 15/11/2009 22:36

perhaps he and his wife were having an important conversation about sex

Flip

1 2 3

Swipe left for the next trending thread