sids risk?

[suburbansweetheart]

first baby - 3 1/2 week old dd. didn't intend to co-sleep, but let dd sleep on my shoulder /chest after bf at night (feed sitting propped up with pillows, so i fall asleep too). first time it was an accident, but now using it to get at least a few hours rest at night as dd won't go down in her cradle or moses basket (part problem wind, but maybe also just wants to be held). Is this dangerous? feel i should make more of an effort to get her to sleep in her own bed for safety, but so hard when desperate for sleep.

First, congratulations on your new baby!

I co-slept with both of mine - still do with 8 month old DD, so here's what I think.

The research on co-sleeping is really hard to interpret, because no-one seperates SAFE co-sleeping from accidental co-sleeping. Accidental co-sleeping is not very safe.

Crashing out together isn't ideal, especially with a load of pillows around.

Do you or your partner smoke? Drink? Use any recreational drugs? If yes to any, make the effort to get your DD into her own bed, because co-sleeping is not safe for you.

If no, try letting your DD doze off on you, then gently rolling her onto the bed next to you, well away from pillows, and in a space where the duvet can't get onto her - keep it tucked under you maybe? Does she have a gro-bag? They are great.

She may be OK close to you but not on top of you.

It can be (is!) a lovely way to sleep, but you need to make sure that your DD can't slip into pillows or duvet if she or you move.

I wouldn't co sleep. Just got off phone to friend who says its casued her and DP to split up as DS is 4 and can't get him out their bed. May be lovely in the short term..... but IMO not doing yourself any favours. Never co slept with DS and he goes to be at 7pm every night and gets up at 6.30am (10 months) Gentler version of controlled crying in the night ironed out any probs - need to persevere as can take 2 hours sometimes and seems easier to bring them into bed. Deal with it now rather than let them get used to it then have to deal with moving them later.

You'll have to do it at some point and people seem to forget this

People don't forget this, they just don't normally (clearly your friend is an exception) have any real trouble doing it.

Cosleeping from newborn manages (IME) to avoid the stereotypical new parent zombified tiredness.

Hi

I also co-slept with DD accidentally from about 1 week old - she moved into her room at 8 m.o without too much difficulty and I certainly found that I got more sleep in the early stages with her in our bed. I did spend quite a bit of time being worried about it, was the only thing, so would suggest you maybe chat to your HV, which is what I did. She pointed out what the risks were so I knew how to minimise them but left me to take the decision. DD would always start the night in her cot but then, when I moved her into our bed, I at least felt I was making it as safe as possible - it's certainly safer than falling asleep with baby on you.

The one thing that made me feel much more comfortable was BF on my side with my supporting ('underneath') arm out above DD so that I couldn't roll onto her. Also be very careful when your DD is old enough to start moving, part of the reason we stopped when did was that DD was starting to roam about the bed a bit.

DC2 is due 4 weeks today and this time we've gone for a cot which attaches to the side of the bed, so we'll be nearby but far enough away too....no idea how that will work out, though, will let you know!

Oh, and one other query (sorry to hijack your thread) - the thing I found really frustrating in trying to decide whether or not to carry on co-sleeping was that I just couldn't find out anywhere what the risk of SIDS actually is - I found it very unhelpful that everyone tells you that doing various things increases/decreases it by x% - would be very helpful to know from/to what.

Anyone know this info??