DD1 has large bedroom, dd2 has tiny boxroom. If you're in this situation, what rules do you have about access to the larger bedroom?

[melpomene]

My dd2 (4) has a tiny bedroom with no space for anything except basic furniture. My dd1 (6) has a much larger room, with lots of their joint toys stored in it, so naturally dd2 likes to spend lots of time playing in dd1's room. Usually this isn't a problem, but every now and then dd1 decides that she wants her own space and wants to shut dd2 out of her room.

This afternoon dd2's friend is coming to play and dd1 will be out. I suspect that dd2 and her friend will want to play in dd1's room, but I'm not sure if it's completely fair on dd1 to have people taking over her space when she's not there. I suspect that as dd1 gets older she will increasingly want her own space.

So, if you're in a similar situation how do you deal with it? Do you let the boxroom child have full access to their sibling's larger room? Do you have rules limiting their access? Or do you let the siblings negotiate it between themselves?

We put the biggest one in the smallest room, on the grounds that toys get smaller as they get older. I'm looking for a bunkbed with a desk/chair underneath for her at the moment (she is 7).

Friends put both children in the tiny room, in bunkbeds, and have the bigger room as a shared playroom.

Hi there - I'm coming at this from the perspective of having shared a bedroom with my dsis all of our childhood. Definitely your last option is not likely to be a runner, as we just fought like cats .

Are they old enough to agree some rules between themselves with you helping and writing them down for them?

If not, save that for later. I'd suggest that it is only fair that DD2 has some room to play, and I would suggest that when DD1 is out is almost the ideal time, so long as you are clear with DD2 not to touch DD1's things. This may mean having DD2's stuff out of reach, I guess?

As they get older, you could think about swapping the rooms over every so often, so they each get a turn with different rooms. Alternatively, one of them may value privacy over space, so happily opt for exclusive use of the smaller room as opposed to shared use of the bigger one iyswim.

Hope of some help...

We have the large room also dedicated as a playroom, spare TV room and that whilst the eldest sleeps there, they have to accept that it is more of a family space. If they don't like it, they move out of the big room! That being said, the others playing there have to make sure they tidy up after themselves.

We put dd1 back in the boxroom when we had the dts. The deal was, she got a smaller room (which she wasn't happy about), but when her sisters got older (i.e. now they are 2 and she is 5) she gets her own space and privacy when she wants it. The extra space is a worthwhile trade in her eyes for being able to shut her door and colour in peace

We had this when we were little but there were four of us. Us two in the boxroom had no toys in there and free access to the big room. It worked well. We were the older two so eventually lost interest in the toys anyway.

I would have thought that your DD1 would be better off in the smaller room, which she can have as her very own space, and your DD2 in the bigger room which is a joint bedroom and playroom.

Depends on your children's disposition.

When we had this situation, I offered DD1 the small room to herself, because she likes her own space, is a bit funny about sharing and is tidy.

It was either that or share the massive room with DD2. DD2 wasn't bothered about DD1 playing in her room but the other way around was a source of major stress!

Could DD2 and friend take the toys downstairs to play?

My parents put both both me and my sister in the box room in bunkbeds due to allergies - at least our sleeping area was less dusty (in restrospect this may have been an excuse). We shared the playroom space quite happily.

Of course this led to arguments over who got the top bunk...

Mine are still relative littlies at 2 and 3 but for now lots of toys are in DD1's bigger room and they kind of share it as the play room in the day.
As they get older we were thinking of doing as leafonthewind desribes above (or winning lotto and then they can both have their own wing in the mansion, and so can I )

I know someone with similar aged DDs. They share the smallest room as a bedroom, with bunk beds.

The big room is a playroom with all their toys plus a sofa bed.

This seems to work well.

They each have their bed space with shelf area for their own private space.

Same as fruitfall that's exactly what we did. The one that wants their own space has the smallest bedroom.

Also sleeping in the box room together and having a shared playroom work well too.

We also do a special shelf each.

My older DD chose the little room, and her sister envies her. They often end up squashed into the small space together.

No accounting for children, but I think it does often work better for the older one to have the smaller, more private space.

Some interesting perspectives, thanks everyone. I quite like the idea of having bunk beds in the smaller room but it is so tiny that it's not big enough for a bed of normal length/width, so could be tricky to get bunks to fit.

DD2 and her friend were very good on their playdate yesterday and didn't make any mess in dd1's room.

Argos sell inexpensive "shorty" length 2'6" bunk beds - may be worth measuring up?

I agree, the one who wants their privacy gets the smaller room and the right to shut the door and bar little sisters and their friends from entering.

That works for us, recently dd1 (9) and dd3 (5) swapped so now dd1 has the smallest room but she likes the high sleeper bunk and these days she doesn't have so many of those big toys anyway, dd3 gets the big room with all the dolls houses and dolls cots and dolls chairs and all the rest of that clutter.

What happens in our house is that all 3 of them try to play on the miniscule amount of floor space in DD's room, leaving the bigger bedroom empty!