Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Original poster

Has becoming a mother fulfilled you?

84 replies

DungeonButter · 14/10/2009 19:07

Before I had kids I thought becoming a mother would fulfil me?

But I don't think it has.

Instead I find being a parent kind of gets in the way of the things that do make me feel fulfilled like career, sports, art etc.

Or maybe being a parent is just one aspect of a fulfilled life, but isn't everything. You need the other stuff too?

I love my children. But I had rather hoped it was some sort of key to happiness and am discovering it's not.

Come and indulge me in my naval gazing.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

ellipsis · 14/10/2009 19:13

I feel more fulfilled looking after dd than I ever have in any job.

But - dd is only 1 and I have only ever had shit jobs

I am already tentatively starting on the road to retraining so I think I know even now that I'll need something other than kids to be fulfilled in the long run.

Podrick · 14/10/2009 19:13

Why not get some life coaching or buy a lifecoaching book?

ellipsis · 14/10/2009 19:14

Oh, and I'd love to get back into playing some sports but I'm waiting for a time when I don't feel like crashing on the sofa at 8.30 every night.

could be a long wait...

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Families General parenting

notnowbernard · 14/10/2009 19:16

I think it has

Though I amsuprised by how irritated it makes me sometimes

OTOH, I couldn't believe how easy I found the whole baby bit, and how much I absolutely LOVED it

ATM I think I've got a good balance between work/parenting, which helps... and I have to be serious and responsible at work, so I really enjoy 'switching off' when I get home and have days off with the dc

WobblyPig · 14/10/2009 19:20

No.Motherhood has robbed me of my self-respect ; freedom ; confidence. I feel overwhelmed by the constant burden and responsibility.
I love my children but hate being a mother.

GhoulsAreLoud · 14/10/2009 19:20

Yes.

Original poster

DungeonButter · 14/10/2009 19:24

I'm not saying that my life as a whole doesn't fulfil me.

I'm not sure what i'm saying.

Just that for me, being a mum, doesn't do it on it's own.

OP posts:

bloss · 14/10/2009 19:24

Message withdrawn

Original poster

DungeonButter · 14/10/2009 19:26

Yes, Bloss that is what i'm trying to say.

If i didn't have them, i'm sure i'd be yearning for them by now.

OP posts:

Original poster

DungeonButter · 14/10/2009 19:28

Is it selfish to feel this way?

OP posts:

Lizzylou · 14/10/2009 19:28

It did, when they were very young, but then I got bored and frustrated.
YOu need the other stuff as well, makes you a better Parent too imo.

FABIsInTraining · 14/10/2009 19:29

Explain navel gazing. I know what it means (it's all about me/feeling sorry for myself) but don't get why it is called NG.

When I had my first baby I felt like everything before then had been irrelevant and this, him, was the point of life.

I now have 3 children and I am a full time mum having been at home since 2000. I am in a good place at the moment, have had a really really good day, so I do feel fulfilled today.

BiscuitStuffer · 14/10/2009 19:31

Same as for Wobblypig

ellipsis · 14/10/2009 19:31

Not selfish no. I imagine your children would prefer you to have outside interests than to be totally focussed on them to the exclusion of all else, and then when they leave home you're totally bereft.

Original poster

DungeonButter · 14/10/2009 19:31

Navel Gazing = Excessive introspection, self-absorption, or concentration on a single issue.

OP posts:

ellipsis · 14/10/2009 19:33

FAB - imagine inspecting your navel closely. You're not going to be noticing much else going on around you are you?

LaurieFairyCake · 14/10/2009 19:34

only read the OP

hahahahaahahahahahahahhahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah ahahahahahhahhahahahhahahahhahhahhhhahahahahha

FABIsInTraining · 14/10/2009 19:34

Thank you

piscesmoon · 14/10/2009 19:37

Yes-but it hasn't stopped me doing other things too.

Booooooooooyhoo · 14/10/2009 19:37

before i had children, i thought they were what i was meant to do. i thought it was my life's ambition to be a loving caring mum and raise wonderful children. and i loved my body.

now i find myself increasingly bored, down, irritated,frustrated, dissapointed and i hate my body.

but im working on all that, and i will find the balance. one day at a time.

TrickOrTrefusis · 14/10/2009 19:38

No. It certainly is a huge part of what fulfils me, but it isn't everything.

WinkyWinkola · 14/10/2009 19:40

No, it hasn't fulfilled me.

I wasn't really looking for fulfillment but I've never felt so inadequate in my life. Sometimes, I've felt so unable to cope with the challenges it's all thrown up at me, I've wanted to flee forever. But obviously that's not an option.

I'm hoping that when my dcs are grown up, they won't look back and think that they had a terrible mother.

I also hope that I'll be able to hide my disquiet, dissatisfaction and sense of inadequacy from them so that when they choose to become parents, I don't colour their choices.

Some days are ok mind.

CatIsSleepy · 14/10/2009 19:42

naval gazing= staring at sailors...?

hmm
don't think parenthood has fulfilled me
it has it's rewards...
but I find having a 3-year old and a 7-month old and no-one to baby-sit pretty much rules out doing alot of stuff. Even a walk with dd2 turns into a shout-fest and is not relaxing let alone trying anything more challenging

Have cried with frustration and boredom on many an occasion recently and wondered if I am just not cut out for this.

dd1 did make me laugh alot tonight though-so there are good bits, they are just spaced out by alot of dull stuff (i mean the peripheral stuff-cleaning up after kids' meals, washing every bloody day, having to chivvy dd1 to get dressed every bloody day etc etc).

I now find myself looking forward to going back to work (and of course, feeling guilty about this...)

piscesmoon · 14/10/2009 19:42

I wouldn't expect that anyone thing on its own would be fulfilling-surely it is a mix? Having children has been the most fulfilling-but like all things it has its downside. Being devoted to your DCs, with no outside intersts, seems unhealthy to me.

Original poster

DungeonButter · 14/10/2009 19:43

oh dear, i wrote naval didn't i?
you know what i mean.

OP posts:

Flip

1 2 3 4