Has becoming a mother fulfilled you?

[DungeonButter]

Before I had kids I thought becoming a mother would fulfil me?

But I don't think it has.

Instead I find being a parent kind of gets in the way of the things that do make me feel fulfilled like career, sports, art etc.

Or maybe being a parent is just one aspect of a fulfilled life, but isn't everything. You need the other stuff too?

I love my children. But I had rather hoped it was some sort of key to happiness and am discovering it's not.

Come and indulge me in my naval gazing.

No it hasn't fulfilled me. There is a lot of joy and love - I really enjoy our little family unit a lot, that is very very satisfying - and it is certainly interesting. But I am always always pulled in so many directions that fulfilment, whatever that is, is not really the word for it!

No - but I have high expectations! ... (have 5 mo) of it being a massive part of my life, and in that way it is part of being fulfilled...

Since having my children I do feel fulfilled as a woman, but I have found that people percieve me differently now and that is very frustrating.

It has for me but since as long as i can remember my own little family was all i ever wanted and im so very lucky i got it

Well, I was very happy and did lots of interesting things before DS arrived. I also knew that because of my age and medical history, there was a good chance I wouldn't have children, and that was fine, I'd have carried on having a nice time and doing interesting things. Didn't feel that it was children or nothing.

Since DS (now 7) arrived, life has been immesurably different. More love,joy and emotion than I could imagine. Lots of things which I'd never have done w/o him (good, boring and bad). Some limitations but with one child these are short lived. The constant worry at the back of the mind and head too full of things to remember other stuff. He's totally lovely and I can't imagine life without him, of course.

Fulfilled? Not sure, I didn't feel unfulfilled before. Maybe filled in a different way?

I have found it completely fulfilling. I had a really fantastic job and now I love doing this stay at home mum bit (two children under three).
BUT

1. I am 43 and am so aware that I'm lucky and I might never have had them. I was DESPERATE to have kids by the time I gave birth, so i feel that I've just been given the best bit of luck.
2. Everything passes, so I'm just making the best of this toddler, pre-school bit while I can.
3. I'm not poor so, even though I don't have a partner, I can afford a babysitter and a cleaner - and that makes a lot of difference. 4)Fulfilled for now - but time passes and maybe in a few years it will be time to start work again (or even have SEX...). But I've always been mono-minded - years of being in love to the exclusion of all else, years of work, to the exclusion of all else, and now enjoying my children - more or less to the exclusion of all else.....

not particularly.
It has made me very tired

I think you're right, butter, when you say being a parent is just one aspect of a fulfilled life.

It brings me the largest amount of happiness and love. But it's obv not good to focus solely on your children.

I'm heeeerrreee!!! Oh, journo accusations over then? Sorry Dragon/Dungeon, I'm late as always.

Still, doesn't stop me throwing in my 2 pence' worth:

I assure you all that Dragonbutter is definitely not a journo. But she does stare at sailors. A lot.

Hope that helps!

I love being a mother and find most of the mothering bits very fulfilling.

Can't stand the associated housework though - definitely not fulfilling (no matter how many times DH tells me that I love laundry ).

tbh I think it might be a bit of a burden on my children if they were all I needed or wanted to feel fulfilled

they are growing up, they're not going to want to hang around forever to see to my fulfillment

they're already at a stage where they need a mum who can amuse herself for long periods of time

thanks MMH. ever helpful.

I think on top of everything else that was already in my life, then yes it has.

I can't imagine not having had DS and everything that comes with it.

Thank you DB

MMH.

If I hadn't had dd (which took much time and money) there would have been a sad empty space in my life.

But the life I live now is completely incompatable with the life I lived pre-dd, and that also laeves a sad empty space. On balance though, this empty space is smaller than the no-dd empty space.

I agree children are part of a fulfilling life - necessary for some but not sufficient for all. Not sure I'm really cut out for fulfillment - discontentent is my natural mode of being.

Also agree - the increased domestic work is the least fulfilling aspect by far!

discontentent is a more serious form of discontent.....

I completely agree with Acinonyx. There's a really interesting article about this in Red magazine this month. And no, I don't work for them.

Oh I quite like Red too ....

When I imagined myself as a mother, I was a wild haired wafty clothed goddess, with a trail of Lucie Atwell style cherubic kids trotting after me as we whirled around nature walks/ baked wonderful cakes/ created a to scale size of the solar system out of paper mache and things we found from our "craft box."

In reality Im hiding in the kitchen while the kids watch toy story on dvd, Im wearing a crappy sweatshirt from Primark that I got 3 years ago, my house is a mess and the craft box is hidden at the back of the cupboard under the stairs. I inwardly groan when the kids want to do sticking. My hair is completely grey and I have one inch roots coz I cant afford to get it dyed this month. Harumpyh.

Some days are fantastic, and like the first scenario, lots are just normal, neither magical or hellish, some are awful and I would rather do anything than be a mother!!

I do love the kids though, life is totally different now to how it was pre kids, I do feel like I have more purpose than I did, but maybe because Im not really motivated by having a big career. So I think I am more fulfilled than I was, but also more knackered, more unkempt and less well dressed

"When I imagined myself as a mother, I was a wild haired wafty clothed goddess, with a trail of Lucie Atwell style cherubic kids trotting after me as we whirled around nature walks/ baked wonderful cakes/ created a to scale size of the solar system out of paper mache and things we found from our "craft box."

In reality Im hiding in the kitchen while the kids watch toy story on dvd, Im wearing a crappy sweatshirt from Primark that I got 3 years ago, my house is a mess and the craft box is hidden at the back of the cupboard under the stairs. I inwardly groan when the kids want to do sticking. My hair is completely grey and I have one inch roots coz I cant afford to get it dyed this month. Harumpyh."

I can relate oh so well with the above!

I do love the kids though, life is totally different now to how it was pre kids, I do feel like I have more purpose than I did, but maybe because Im not really motivated by having a big career. So I think I am more fulfilled than I was

Thats what I was going to say as well.

Motherhood has added something to my life and taught me new things about myself and others, but I wouldn't want to be a SAHM for the rest of my life as I am now.

I love them and I love seeing them every day and spending lots of time with them at the weekend.

but I also love my (full time) job. when i was a SAHM I was doolally - seriously I was going nuts.

now the balance is better and I feel fairly fulfilled. I don't mind going skiing and playing snowballs / teaching them to ski / making snowmen (used to go whizzing up/down mountains all day with lots of booze at the end) and having holidays and weekends dominated by children.

Just occasionally I think it would be nice to have a "me day" at a weekend. do a bit of shopping etc (not just stuff on line etc). But I sort of feel guilty at the thought that I am not wanting to spend 100% of my "free" time with the boys. By the way, I am about to have 6 months as a single parent so will have no one to share the littel darlings with at weekends...and I am a little anxious about it.

I don't know OP - I would def be unfulfilled without them.

I love my dcs more than life but I'll admit sometimes i hate parenthood/motherhood.

I find it boring, repetitive, frustrating and not much fun at all. Sometimes think I'm too selfish to be a mum, constantly wanting my life back, i.e. out with friends, going away fro weekends doing a range of ctivities etc.

I make sure I have some time to be me though, still do yoga once a week, go to the theatre regularly and similar, keeps me sane.

Also work although I don't enjoy my job and am seeking a change of direction (currently work in CAMHS and am burnt out by other families probs, feel like I have no emotional energy left for my own family.)

Motherhood has not fulfilled me but is part of a life that I'm trying to make fulfilling, ds only 3 weeks old (dd is 3) and in a total haze at mo!

A lot of my friends who enjoy their family time get regular overnight or longer breaks, i.e. gps who look after their dcs for a night/weekend or even longer once a month or every 6 weeks or so. This isn't an option for us although my parents will take dd for a couple of hours. Dh very good and will look after dcs for whole weekend whilst I go and see friends in other cities but I would love just one night just the 2 of us one day. Think it would make all the difference but know that many others are in this position too and that's just life.

I feel mostly fulfilled, but that's because I have DS, DH and a job I like (which combines WOHM with WAH).

Don't think any one of these would be enough on their own.

And I do still sometimes long for creative stuff to do/childfree activities/that I'd travelled or lived abroad before I had him.