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Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

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Original poster

Has becoming a mother fulfilled you?

84 replies

DungeonButter · 14/10/2009 19:07

Before I had kids I thought becoming a mother would fulfil me?

But I don't think it has.

Instead I find being a parent kind of gets in the way of the things that do make me feel fulfilled like career, sports, art etc.

Or maybe being a parent is just one aspect of a fulfilled life, but isn't everything. You need the other stuff too?

I love my children. But I had rather hoped it was some sort of key to happiness and am discovering it's not.

Come and indulge me in my naval gazing.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Geocentric · 14/10/2009 19:45

Completely for the first few years. Now they're getting more and more self-sufficient I have a nagging feeling that I should be doing other things as well with my life, though. Or maybe it's just that I'm inching closer to 40...

CatIsSleepy · 14/10/2009 19:46

Original poster

DungeonButter · 14/10/2009 19:48

For example I thought I'd be teaching my 5 year old about trees by now , instead we are arguing about why he shouldn't eat bread while he's having a wee.

OP posts:

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Families General parenting

Meglet · 14/10/2009 19:50

No. It's constant carnage and stress (have a 2.11yo and 13mo old). 90% of the time it's shit and hectic.

But, I don't regret having them for a second. I hear it gets better .

bloss · 14/10/2009 19:52

Message withdrawn

FlamingoBingo · 14/10/2009 20:01

Yes, totally. I am very much looking forward to doing other things in my life as they get older and more self-sufficient, but, for the time being, if I never do anything else in my life, I'll be happy I was a mother. I mean, if I had to choose one thing to ever do in my life, having children would be it.

But that's not to say there aren't other things I'd love to do, and that's why I'm so pleased I started having children young - I've got plenty of time to do other things after they're grown up - could even have another few if I wanted .

Original poster

DungeonButter · 14/10/2009 20:30

If my children needed me to give up work, I'm not sure I could do it again. Not completely. But maybe because I know that I was very depressed and likely would be again and that is really not going to outweigh the benefits of having me there all the time. So it's not entirely for selfish reasons.

As it is, my children need me to work, and I get fulfilment partly from knowing i am providing for them.

I don't feel too conflicted tbh. I do feel fulfilled and work hard at trying to do all the things I need to do to feel that way.

And i'm sure when I'm an old lady looking back, maybe i will see being a parent as the most important thing I ever did.

OP posts:

ElenorRigby · 14/10/2009 20:42

DD was not planned and I was never maternal so of course I never even considered that being a mother would fulfil me.
However since she was born I consider her of most importance in my life. She comes first and always will do.
She did not ask to be born, her well being on all things is my responsibility and I take that responsibility very seriously, above all else in fact.

Podrick · 14/10/2009 20:45

I find that motherhood gives me immense and unanticipated satisfaction, pride and incredible joy every single day. More than this it connects me to other people and I felt unconnected before. Motherhood (not pregnancy or birth mind you!!!) has gone a lot better for me than other areas of my life. It isn't everything though - how can it be?

Original poster

DungeonButter · 14/10/2009 21:31

thanks for your posts on here everyone.

OP posts:

FABIsInTraining · 14/10/2009 21:36

That sounds like a journo having just had hr article written for her..

TheFallenMadonna · 14/10/2009 21:37

No. It hasn't fulfilled me. I think I am pretty fulfilled - but not through being a parent.

But - unlike some of the posters on here, I am more confident and relaxed since having children.

Original poster

DungeonButter · 14/10/2009 21:37

i'm not a journo thank you.

haven't got the fucking time for that as well!

OP posts:

FABIsInTraining · 14/10/2009 21:39

Just a feeling.

That's all.

TheFallenMadonna · 14/10/2009 21:40

Dragonbutter?

Original poster

DungeonButter · 14/10/2009 21:41

yes dragonbutter.

OP posts:

TheFallenMadonna · 14/10/2009 21:47

Sorry - no required. Just pointing out that you were probably a regular and not a passing journo is all.

deaddei · 14/10/2009 21:47

I knew you were dragombutter!!!
Agree with wobbly pig and bloss. My job makes me fulfilled.

FABIsInTraining · 14/10/2009 21:48

I shall keep my feelings to myself in future.

Sorry.

Original poster

DungeonButter · 14/10/2009 21:51

the wasn't for you thefallenmadonna.

i didn't think my halloween name was that much of a disguise.

I'll take it as a compliment, but I am not a journo.

OP posts:

FABIsInTraining · 14/10/2009 21:54

I knew the face was for me and I knew you were DragonButter normally. I just felt what I felt and don't know anything about you so it was quite possible imo that you were a journalist. It isn't a big deal and I did apologise.

AbricotsSecs · 14/10/2009 21:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster

DungeonButter · 14/10/2009 22:10

Apology accepted

For what it's worth I am very anti the journos that trawl mumsnet for their cut and paste articles. It's just not on.

But this thread is genuine.

OP posts:

ElenorRigby · 14/10/2009 22:10

Definition: fulfilment - a feeling of satisfaction at having achieved your desires

Podrick wrote:
"immense and unanticipated satisfaction, pride and incredible joy every single day"
I feel that too. She was unlooked for and unexpected but she has brought me and my family so much joy.

eggshapedbanana · 14/10/2009 22:11

Being a mother has fulfilled me. I had fertility treatment so thought that it might never happen, which doesn't mean that my dcs are more important to me than others are to them, it just means that I personally felt that I had achieved something truly awesome under the circumstances. I do need other things now as they are older, but did and still do find them very fulfilling.

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