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Parenting

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Original poster

Would you expect a 2yo to share his toys with his baby brother?

20 replies

MegBusset · 11/10/2009 18:50

DS1 (2.7) is a model big brother to 5mo DS2 -- very loving and no signs of jealousy.

However... DS2 has started to be interested in all his brother's toys (apparently DS1's cars and trains are more interesting to chew than his own rattles). If DS1 sees this then the toy is whipped away with a firm "that's my toy!" and replaced with one of DS2's baby toys.

Part of me feels like it's unfair to expect DS1 to share his toys at this age. But then ideally they would share toys rather than me having to buy two of everything!

Any tips on how to handle this?

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DiamondHead · 11/10/2009 18:55

He'll grow out of it.

I would perhaps tell him not to snatch and explain that baby brother just wants to look at his toys and make sure he understands that they are still his toys.

It can work well too if you teach your ds1 some baby distraction techniques. It sounds like he's learning already if he's going to fetch the babies toys whenever the baby's got his toys.

seeker · 11/10/2009 18:57

Absolutely not!!!!

You older one should not have to share - and he should have a safe place to put his things so his little brother can't get them. If he has his won room, for example, the baby shouldn't be allowed in without permission!

Why not get a few toys that are shared - they come into the hose as shared property, if you see what I mean. That will help ds1 get his head round the idea of sharing.

colditz · 11/10/2009 19:02

no.

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IdrisTheDragon · 11/10/2009 19:06

I wouldn't expect it at all.

Hassled · 11/10/2009 19:07

No, I wouldn't expect it. You need to just leave it - he's already sharing his Mum, don't ask any more of him just yet.

Original poster

MegBusset · 11/10/2009 19:10

Thanks -- that was my gut feeling too! It's tough as we have a small house (and they will eventually share a room) so hard to separate toys but I will try!

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CurlyhairedAssassin · 11/10/2009 19:11

Well, actually, if your DS1 wasn't actually playing with said toy at the time, then I personally would not let him snatch it back off the baby. Fair enough if it was a few cars he was pushing about, and the baby grabbed one and "ruined" his game. I think what Diamondhead said is perfect advice.

You could try "bigging up" your DS1's toys - ie. say to him "Look - your big boy toys are so exciting to your brother he just wants to have a look at them. I bet he'd LOVE it if you'd show them to him." It worked (most of the time) for my two, who have got a similar age gap.

ChilloHippi · 11/10/2009 19:12

He needs to know that things are his, without having to share everything.

Hullygully · 11/10/2009 19:14

Maybe have a few shared toys, but others that are just his.

lou031205 · 11/10/2009 19:45

Actually, I would. DD2 is 2.2 and I expect her to share, and have done for a while. Having said that, I also think it is OK to have some special things that don't get shared, such as her night-time bear.

Concordia · 11/10/2009 20:52

No i wouldn't expect it but would work towards it. my DS firstborn very keen on 'his' stuff.
my two have a very similar age gap to you (although we're six months ahead of you).
He does now share some toys but there are particular things he gets stressed about eg if she breaks up the tower or train track he has been building - fair enough.
i try to to encourage him to do this kind of thing when she is eating or napping.
and otherwise i do encourage him to share toys. she is getting more interested in his toys now.
he has a box in his bedroom where he can put anything he doesn't want her to get.
he doesn't really like this solution as he doesn't want to play in his room much.
he is gradually slowly getting better at sharing i realise as i write this.
i would accept that it is really hard for him but work towards it gradually.
and i think, (very sexist overgeneralisation) but from what i have observered so far boys are just worse at sharing than girls.

Concordia · 11/10/2009 20:53

oh we do have a playpen so if DS if doing something he doesn't want to be broken e.g. a puzzle i will put her in for a bout 10mins or so. with her toys.
but not that often.
then he knows the deal that the rest of teh time he has to share.

Jamieandhismagictorch · 11/10/2009 20:54

What Diamondhead said, and :

I taught my older one (2.7 year age-gap) to offer something else to his little brother when he showed an interest in whatever DS1 was playing with, instead of snatching.

I also kept DS2 away from DS1 at times by means of a barrier across the door (box of books), so DS1 could play in peace and DS2 could watch him. Time and space to himself was (and is) important to DS1.

The "bigging up" thing mentioned by Curly did not work for us, but is a good idea for many children, so well worth trying

Jamieandhismagictorch · 11/10/2009 20:59

I forgot, I did buy some toys which were specifically for sharing, when mine were about 3 and 1 - one of those wooden frames where cars go down in a zigzag. Later on, a game called Pop-up pirates which I saw on Supernanny . Good for encouraging turn-taking

Original poster

MegBusset · 11/10/2009 21:01

Thank you, there is lots of useful advice here. I can see this being fun when DS2 gets on the move, as he just wants to play with DS1 (grumbles when DS1 isn't paying him any attention). And DS1 is very fussy about everything being in the right place.

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castille · 11/10/2009 21:02

I have some film of 2yo DD1 taking not only her own toys away from 6mo DD2, but also all of the baby toys, telling her to be "careful" and "gentle" (which she couldn't do with all her toys around her, apparently)

No sharing took place at this age, despite my many strategies to encourage it. It's just not something most 2yos do

Jamieandhismagictorch · 11/10/2009 21:03

Meg Yours sound like mine (and they are 6 and 9 .......)

Flum · 11/10/2009 21:03

Yeah I would expect it. All toys are everyones in this house. The two older girls have their own drawers if they really want to keep something special, but they don't keep anythign in their except recorders and revolting snails.

nimbs · 12/10/2009 11:39

Yes I would expect it too - obviously not everything but like Flum all toys are everyone's in this house too - we have too many children and not enough room to keep them all separate

Both the older children have a small box in their room for their special toys - such as DS's transformers/DD's my little ponies - but everything else is shared - ie games/books/cars/dinosaurs/bricks/happyland etc etc - when they have their birthdays they obviously have 'their' toy for quite a while but if it's a game or something that would go with one of the older toys -then it's put in the toy room.

this has really worked well here and we don't get any issues of possesiveness - my friend's boys have separate toy boxes and their toys are definately one or the others - so when someone comes round to play or one brother wants to play with the others toys WW3 breaks out - hope this ramble has helped a bit

Knickers0nMahead · 12/10/2009 13:09

yes. Dd 2.2 shares her toys with ds 11mo. Its good to learn them to share from a young age.

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