Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

DC3 - when did you know you wanted a 3rd?

26 replies

WobblyPig · 10/10/2009 22:48

I have a DS 3 and DD 5 months. There are very many good reaons why I would/could not have a 3rd. My age ; 2 c-s; cost ; my employers; childcare arrangements and many people have warned me against 3 for many mroe reasons. BUT - I can't get a third out of my head and I ma not sure why.

For those who have 3 or more - when did you know that you wanted more than 2 ?
What practical problems did you experience?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

fruitstick · 10/10/2009 22:55

I am in exactly the same position, although have 2 DSs.

DH is adamant that 2 is enough and I'm kind of happy with this but am sad that DS2 is my last baby (somehow I missed it!)

I wonder though whether it is a feeling that fades as the baby gets older and the hormones calm down. Maybe when you are out of the baby phase it is much more of a big deal to dive back in.

I must say that many of our friends have had problems recently with either conception, pregnancy (late miscarriage etc), or the baby that at the moment I am counting myself incredibly lucky to have 2 healthy, happy children and that I should probably quit while I'm ahead.

Doubt I will always feel this way though .

Squiglet · 10/10/2009 23:09

whilst still pregnant with ds2 While i was in labour (like really painful part and having the epidural stick in back) I was repeating to dp, i do really still want to have another. The staff thought it was hilarious.

Original poster

WobblyPig · 10/10/2009 23:18

You may be right about the hormones thing. I just never felt ' in love' with my baby or babies in general the first time round like I do this time round.
I just can't get enough of babies at the moment.

OP posts:

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Families General parenting

morocco · 10/10/2009 23:19

when she was born . til then, was a bit ambivalent tbh. 3 is ace. no practical problems at all. highly recommend it

jennifersofia · 10/10/2009 23:28

Several years after dd2 I just didn't feel 'finished' iyswim. Now have dd3 (5 yr gap) and it is brilliant, we all adore her. No practical probs, but it does take energy! Everything is a bit more chaotic, but I kind of like that.

Heated · 10/10/2009 23:33

We're seriously considering no 3 and the timing would be right for my older two, the youngest would be going off to school when the 3rd would come along, if we conceived with no problems. But I think if we left it for a lot longer then it would be harder to go back to sleepness nights when the older dcs are getting to an interesting and more independent stage.

Dh worries about ££ & changing cars but as I pointed out we're getting to the stage of 1 of the cars needing replacing anyway, so why not replace with one that can take 3 dcs? He says things too like, it'll put the plan to extend on hold, but I think if we only have 2 we won't need to extend, and siblings have been known to share bedrooms!

jasper · 10/10/2009 23:36

THE VERY moment my second was born!

elkiedee · 11/10/2009 00:31

Wobbly, I feel very much like you at the moment. DS2 is now 8 months and I've been thinking this since he was a few weeks, I think.

becklespeckle · 11/10/2009 00:40

When DS2 was about 3 days old. I was holding him and the knowledge that I didn't want him to be my last baby just popped into my head.

I had DD when DS2 was 5 (and DS1 7.5), our main practical problem has been the car, you have to make sure you can fit them all in comfortably. Sharing bedrooms is not necessarily a problem, my DSs have shared for a couple of years now, from as soon as we decided to try for DC3 so they wouldn't feel pushed together and resentful. The other practical problem has been time, I never seem to have enough of it, my house is never as clean as I would like it and I never reach the bottom of the ironing pile but there is no way I would ever give DD back! I love having a big family and DH is now even talking about a 4th but not sure about that...

katnkittens · 11/10/2009 01:12

When DC2 was about 4.

After my second I was adament I was having no more, I had a girl and a boy and I was quite happy thank you very much!

Then my DD started school and I started to feel broody!! I had DD2 when the older ones were 5 and 7 and it was perfect, she fitted in to the family and everyone loves her.

DD2 is now 6 and the same thing happened to me again leading to me being 9 weeks pregnant with DC4!! The others are 13,11 and 6.
I'm still only 30 so am sending DH for the snip after this one just in case I get broody again.....

BabyDubsEverywhere · 11/10/2009 11:30

We are playing the waiting game to see if i am pregnant with No 3. Totally not planned, but now i can think of nothing else. I want number 3! DH says if we not can start trying next year - dont know if i can wait that long though.

I wanted 4 before i had any. then decided two was perfect, now ...

BabyDubsEverywhere · 11/10/2009 11:31

Mine are DS 2 and DD nearly 1 - its going to be mayhem !

Kayzr · 11/10/2009 11:33

I have always known I want 4 but think we'll stop at 3. DS2 is 10 months and we are planning to start TTC this time next year.

I was very similar to Speckle, even when DS2 was a few days old I knew he wasn't my last.

Original poster

WobblyPig · 11/10/2009 11:47

You guys are a lot younger than me. If I were in my 20s I don't think I would be so concerned about number 3.

OP posts:

skidoodle · 11/10/2009 11:49

I'm pregnant with DC2 at the moment and DH and I are finally talking about what size of family we want, having got this far without really planning what we were doing.

I'm thinking I would like at least one more, and I get the feeling that is as many as DH wants (he is not the most definite of people). So presuming neither of us has a change of heart I guess we'll go for another one at some stage.

At the moment I'm thinking about not waiting too long and having 3 close together, but interested in people waiting until other children were nearly at school and it working really well. I feel like if I stop now I will just never want to start again. Also I'm 34 now and DH is 41, so don't want to wait too long.

iwantitnow · 11/10/2009 18:41

DD nearly 3, DS 7 months old - I had morning sickness for 36 weeks and generally ill throughout pregnancy no.2, plus I'm 40 next year. Financially it would be a nightmare to have no.3 - if I was younger and richer perhaps... Still can't get no.3 out of my head though, I nearly stuck at one DH was adament he wanted 2, now he wants no more (he says he is 95% certain) and I wonder about 3. DS is a delightful baby that probably makes me think about no.3. I don't want to push my luck though I have 2 healthy children.

whensmydayoff · 13/10/2009 13:19

NOW! Im 28 weeks PG with 2nd and keep planning in my head when I will have a third !
I've been told because of complications with first, if I have 2nd c-sect I should not get PG a third time .
This has had the effect that it is now all I can think about!
Fingers crossed I have a natural birth this time then when 2nd is nearing 2 I will try again......>she say's, not knowing a damn thing about natural birth or multiple children!

fruitful · 13/10/2009 13:30

When dc2 started regularly sleeping through the night (aged 2 and a bit). Until then I was happy with 2 dcs. Once they start sleeping I start forgetting the hellish bits and dwelling on the good bits .

Pregnancy and birth with dc3 were awful beyond belief though, and while I love ds2 dearly, it is such hard work. ds1 just started full-time school and I can't help thinking what my life would be like now if I'd stopped at 2.

But I knew when we were trying for dc3 that, logically, we should stop. On paper, for us, 2 kids was better. But we wanted another one. And he is lovely.

No more though.

Flo23 · 13/10/2009 13:31

Am 29 wks preg with DC3. Didnt think I would want a 3rd, but after DS2 didnt feel our family was complete, looked at the boys and could see a 3rd one with them.

Am really looking forward to having this baby as it will absolutely, definitely be the last. Am sometimes quite scared about how I will cope-not sure where I will find time to fit in looking after a baby aswell as the other 2...

We probably can't really afford a 3rd, our house probably isn't quite big enough but those are our circumstances now, hopefully things will be different in a few years time!

GooseyLoosey · 13/10/2009 13:38

I have never wanted a third child - the dcs are 5 and 6. However, much to my surprise in the past few weeks I have felt the odd pang. However I think that this may have more to do with turning 40 and a sense that I may be past it rather than really truly wanting another child. I am still most disturbed by the feeling though.

brightredballoon · 13/10/2009 14:59

I always liked the idea of having a "large" family, when we had DC1 it was a girl then we had a 2 year age gap and had a boy, most of my friends and family commented " that'll be you then now you have one of each" but I knew I wanted a third, I just felt 3 seemed like more of a brood and a brood is what DH and I felt was right for us. I am now in early pregnancy with DC3 and really looking forward to having them all about 2 years apart. I am under no illusion that it will be hard work but I think they will be close growing up.

We will definitely stop at 3 children though, our house will cope with 3, we will have to upgrade one car but that's ok and I feel I will have plenty of time with each child and enough time for us as a couple and for me as a person.

Poledra · 13/10/2009 15:08

I didn't want to have children at all when I was younger. I then had 2 DDs almost exactly 2 years apart and thought we were done. Then, when DD2 was about 9 months, I asked DH if he was sad he didn't have a son. This led into the 'Shall we have another?' convo and no, we didn't do it just to try for a boy. Basically, we decided that we could afford it financially, we could easily love another, there was no real reason not to, though it was very hard to pin DH down; he kept being very neutral about it as (he admitted later) I was the one who would have to carry and give birth to another child and I was already 37.

We had another little girl July last year, 2.5 years after DD2. We're done now (though I was on the verge of posting a 'Slap me someone' thread the other day as I was feeling all lost that DD3 no longer bfeeds and I miss my baaaaabbbbbyyyy!).

Practical problems - time mainly. I changed to 4 days a week rather than FT work when I went back, to give me more time with them. And we had to change the car, though I don't think that's such an issue if your other DCs are into booster seats.

fgpl · 13/10/2009 21:45

I was adamant I was only having 1 and there is a 4 year gap between my ds and dd 8 months. As someone previously said I have found that I fell completely in love with her within the first week but it was 9 months before I felt lkike this about my son. This is something I feel so terribly guilty about. I am absolutely adamant I could have another now but just can't forsee it for so many reasons. I am 40 at end of next year, just started a 2 year uni course, can barely afford childminder for 2 days for my daughter, husband works away alot.....etc etc. But that longing is so desperate et the moment.
I wonder if it is hormonal as only 4 weeks past breastfeeding.
Need to give myself a stiff talking to I think.

alana39 · 14/10/2009 10:40

After having a surprise pg and mc last year. Will have a 5 year gap between DCs 2 and 3 so now wishing I'd made my mind up earlier, but on the plus side the older 2 are now in school so hoping DC3 will be like going back to the luxury of only having 1 most of the time, but without the stress of having no idea of what to do.

meltedmarsbars · 14/10/2009 10:42

Knew before I started - wanted 4 originally.

Had 1 period between each child (hee hee! )

3rd has severe disabilities so stopped there .

Flip

1 2