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Original poster

birthday presents

7 replies

tommynose · 25/09/2009 11:42

Would just like a bit of advice on how to deal with this.

Dd was 3 a couple of months ago and MIL asked me if there was anything she would like, she always asks before she buys, so I gave her some suggestions. She also asked what she could get for ds, he was 10 months at the time and she didn't want to leave him out. I didn't particulary want her to buy for ds but she insisted, which was very nice of her.

Its coming up to ds birthday in a couple of days and I have given her ideas of what to get him, however she hasn't once asked if there is anything she can get dd which I have found strange.

Hopefully she will have bought something for dd but I'm just not sure what to say if she hasn't.

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inthesticks · 25/09/2009 13:38

I'd just be open with your MIL and say that you thought it was lovely when she treated DS on DD's birthday and you wondered whether she was going to do the same for DD on Ds's birthday?
We have always bought a small present for the none birthday child and I think it's a great idea.

DD may not remember that her brother got a present on her birthday but if she does it will be hard to explain.

I have a neice who has always bought for one of my DCs birthdays but not so much as a card for the other. I never tackled her about it at the beginning and it's gone on for years now.

QueenGlorianathethird · 25/09/2009 14:27

No, birthday presents should only be purchased for the birthday boy/girl - not siblings as well. The whole point is to celebrate the child's birthday, not to indiscriminately give out gifts.

IMHO.

ramonaquimby · 25/09/2009 14:31

I think it's a bit silly to buy for the non-birthday child as well - where would it end?

poor dd2 has it quite hard - her sisters birthdays fall on subsequent days so lots of cards and presents for them but not her. dd2 is a xmas baby so gets double whammy so I just remind her of that.

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inthesticks · 25/09/2009 15:05

Where would it end? Well it depends how often they get presents. My Dc's get presents for birthdays, Christmas and special achievemnts, that's all. I do only mean a small token such as chocolate.

mazzystartled · 25/09/2009 15:08

You want to nip all that stuff in the bud. Presents for the birthday person only.

pagwatch · 25/09/2009 15:12

I am not sure a three year old is going to notice is she?
I don't like random gift giving. I think it is good for a child to experience early that sometimes, amazingly, it isn't just about them.
My Dcs enjoy the build up to each others birthdays and getting a gift for their sibling - and of course getting some cake.

I think this is a non issue.

If MIL buys a gift for both then - how kind of her.
If she doesn't then that is fine - it is not DDs birthday so why should she?

I definately would not ask her . A 3 year old will not be recalling that at her birthday her sibling got a present so quid pro quo , she should get one on DS's. If you ask it is because you have a view on what she should do and it is not really anything you should comment on.

If I bought a gift for both children on one birthday and at the next birthday the mother asked me if I intended to buy for both again, and seemed in any way to suggest that I should, I would be seriously irritaed.

If the children were older then maybe - only maybe - you would have a point

MilaMae · 25/09/2009 15:14

I have twin boys and a dd with only a year between and dd is an Xmas baby too. We always get something for dd(and subsequently for the boys on her bday to be fair)as we sooooo feel for her putting up with the whole twin shebang thing(her cousins are twin boys too)and I think a huge pile of toys for 2 and 1 child being the only child in the house without is never going to be pleasurable for all involved.

We only give something teeny though, this year dd had a felt purse in the shape of a mouse for £2.99 which she adored.

Our twins were born through IVF and dd was a natural miracle so bdays are a big deal in our house, I like all 3 dc enjoying celebrating each others bdays which they do. It's a really lovely atmosphere. They have pretty much zilch all year round other than Xmas and it really works for us. Dd couldn't sleep for excitement the night before her brother's bday,it was lovely.

Anyhow your mil has started this so you're a bit stuffed really as your dd WILL remember. I'd get something tiny just incase your mil forgets. If you want to brave it out this year go for it,do what works for you either way you'll be doing it for a loooong time. Kids have great memories where traditions are concerned

To be honest my dd has never expected anything but always been thrilled with anything as she sort of knows having something on her brothers bday is a bit of an honour really. They like her being involved and included and vice versa.

Good luck

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