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Parenting

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Original poster

My two DDs will have an 9 year age gap btwn them, how did your older child react to a new baby?

15 replies

generalunrest · 15/09/2009 10:26

My DD will be 9 when DD2 is born in Jan, and she's really excited about it, planning what she's going to teach her, can't wait to do her hair etc. But she's had me and DH, and all our attention, to herself for such a long time, I'm starting to wonder how she'll be when she has to share us and hear us being called Mummy/Daddy by someone else.

I'd be really interested to hear how other people's older DC reacted to having a new baby in the house and whether you've got any tips on what to do/avoid doing?

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comewhinewithme · 15/09/2009 10:30

My eldest dd was 9 when I had dd this year and my ds was 11 they are lovely with her and ver involved and proud me and dd were talking yesterday about how she will be able to take the baby out when she is in her teens .

Congratulations.

MamaG · 15/09/2009 10:31

My DD was 9 when BabyG was born, but we do have DS1 in the middle (now 5, was 4 when baby born).

My DD has a lovely relationship with the baby, they are very close adn she is actually a practical help. I think your DD will love having a baby in the house but as she's been an only for so long, I would try to make sure you have 1-1 time with her, leaving baby with DH for an hour or two while you go for a bit of lunch/a walk/whatever you enjoy doing. I'd go for a big cake in a posh cafe, but I'm a pig

CoffeeCrazedMama · 15/09/2009 10:32

My dsis is ten years older than me. Our mother always says how excited she was when I was born and she always looked after me when I was little. Yes, when I was little the gap seemed large but since I became an adult it is nothing and we have always been very close and have a wonderful relationship. It has been great having a sister become a mother ten years ahead of me - a closer role model than ones own mother.

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Original poster

generalunrest · 15/09/2009 10:38

MamaG I'm liking the idea of big cake/posh cafe mmmm

OP posts:

bradsmissus · 15/09/2009 10:40

My DD was 7 when we had DS. They have a very lovely relationship. They are now 4 and 11 and they get on really well.

I think at that age they are able to understand how much time and attention a baby needs and, as long as they are able to be involved as much or as little as they want to, they do "cope" with the change.

The thing I found hardest was other people trying to be helpful! They were very well meaning but would say things like "Oh, you must love him very much" or "I bet you're a great help to Mummy". Of course these things were true but I didn't want her to feel she MUST love him all the time IYSWIM or that it was her job to help me.

Lastly, we made absolutely certain that DD was the first person to meet DS after he was born. Sounds obvious but he was born at 9am when she was at school and the GPs and my close friends were desperate to come. We made them wait until after school to give her a chance to come and see us. That was the most special hour of my life!!!

Sorry to ramble but people often go on about our big age gap and assume that DD was traumatised by it!!!

Original poster

generalunrest · 15/09/2009 10:47

bradsmissus - we've had the 'I bet you're going to be a great help to Mummy' from just about everyone, and it did worry me that DD would feel pressure on her that should have nothing to do with a sibling relationship.

I know they're only saying it because it's perhaps the thing to say, but it was like she was going to have to do the main caring for the baby or something! I've made sure she knows this isn't going to be the case, although she can't wait til she's a teenager and can babysit her on her own bless her lol

OP posts:

mrspnut · 15/09/2009 10:52

There's 9 1/2 years between my girls and the older one does adore her sister. There is the sibling stuff going on where one will deliberately annoy the other but overall it's a good relationship.

DD1's friends all think that her little sister is brilliant because she's at the cute stage still and will often repeat what they tell her to. (not always great but they seem to enjoy it)

They do lots of things separately though and that helps.

pagwatch · 15/09/2009 10:53

DS1 was 10 when we had DD.
They get on great. he is 16 now.
The biggest negative issue is when he is just not that interested in her but he al;ways tries to be really excited when she has a new dance to show him or Mama Mia is on the telly
He named her, bathed her first and dressed her first but actually we never did the 'help to mummy' thing - he was just smitten,
Every day after school I would tell him to leave her to nap and every day he would go and get her to play and cuddle - I have some lovely pictures of the two of them asleep on the sofa.

I think when he was about 14 it was the hardest, and he does get annoyed when he thinks I am babying her or treating her as a favorite. When I explain that she cannot do x because she is too young he rolls his eyes

But they are mates and he walks her to school for me some mornings and she loves having a really cool big brother who buys her an Ipod for her birthday even though mummy said she is too young

Its fab

bumpybecky · 15/09/2009 10:56

dd1 was 9 when ds (#4) was born, she is fantastic with him sometimes when ds has started yelling she's the only one who will be able to calm him down, they really are very close

random · 15/09/2009 10:56

Dd was 9 when I had ds ...she loved him and as she go older all her mates used to love her cute baby brother ..I would recommend it

Carrotfly · 15/09/2009 11:01

I totally agree with all the things other posters have said.

The only downside I can see is that as they get older it can be increasingly difficult to do an activity that the whole family can enjoy, eg long walks are a bit of a struggle.

Congratulations BTW !

emanon · 15/09/2009 21:53

I can speak from experience because I was 9.5 when my sister was born (there are just the two of us). It was one of the most exciting and fantastic things that ever happened to me (I had always wanted a brother or sister). I loved every Birthday, buying her toys (and playing with them!) and I was a built-in babysitter as I got older. My sister is now 33 and I am 42 and we are very close, although at times I think she sees me as a third parent Do not worry!

jennifersofia · 15/09/2009 22:11

Dd1 was 7 when dd3 was born. They get on really well - it is very sweet.
DH and I have a 'date' with the girls every month, eg January=dh&dd1 while I look after other 2 girls, then on another day me&dd2, while dh looks after other 2, then next month swap girls.(Youngest is still a baby so we aren't too worried about 'special alone time' for her yet.) We decided to do this so each girl would feel that there would be some time where they would have our undivided attention. We usually do something like go to a museum, workshop, film, walk in the park then lunch in a caf, etc.

cruisemum1 · 16/09/2009 19:43

generalunrest - my dd is 11 and m ds is 3. #they get along sooo brilliantly. I could not wish for a better sibling relationship. she was very excited when she learned she was going to be a big sister. He simply adores her. good luck and many congratulations!!

coolma · 16/09/2009 19:51

My eldest dd was 10 when ds was born and she was equally v excited and helpful. She was 15 was dd was born and had had another brother born to her father in between times - six months later her stepmum had yet another baby, so she was getting a tad fed up by then! However, she has never, as far as i have witnessed , felt out of place or ignored by us - in fact dh always made a huge effort, especially when ds was small to spend time alone with her. There were 9 years between me and my sister (her being older) and sadly, we have never had a good relationship. I guess that's why i wanted my lot to be close.

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