Have I been too hard on 5yo DD1, it's breaking my heart seeing her so upset.

[sweetkitty]

DD1 is 5yo just started school a few weeks back.

Anyway she has always had this habit of biting and chewing things, in the past it was books, paper, pencil, chalk, crayons, Barbie's fingers you get the drift. She will put anything non food in her mouth and eat it, the day before yesterday she was doing her homework and bit the end of the rubber off and was eating it.

On top of this I feel she does not take care of her toys, she breaks and wrecks things and shows no remorse, probably as she has loads of other toys.

Anyway she gets £1 a week pocket money which she saves up for what she wants, she has been going on about this little Bratz baby for ages so I got it off the internet for her. So yesterday it arrived and she was delighted. Then I looked out the window and she is throwing this new doll and her other ones down the street so I called her in and took teh dolls off her then realised the hair bit at the tops of them both was all chewed off (she had had it for about an hour). I was livid with her so I got all her other Bratz and put them in a black bag and put them in the wheelie bin, I told her that if she cannot look after her toys she won't have any toys and that Santa was watching and wouldn't br bringing her any toys for Christmas.

She was distraught at the time and in bed last night, ths morning when she got up she was crying a lot saying she wanted her Bratz back and I could see her eyes filling up all the time.

Now I feel totally crap, I have retrieved the Bratz from the bin and hidden them and I am not going to give her them back for a month at least but I feel like crap Mum now.

Was I too hard on her, I am so fed up with buying things and her chewing them.

Thanks for the supportive comments, yes I over reacted but it was the last straw, she had harped on and on about this Bratz baby for ages (yes I know I hate them as well but she loves them so I buy them for her), how much she wanted it, she was heartbroken when they didn't have it in ToyRUs last week so I got it off ebay for her, next thing she is throwing it along the road (before I get slated for that I mean monoblocked extra parking space at the side of my house under full supervision) then to have chewed it's ponytail off too. She was given a row and told off the day before about biting and chewing things.

I sat her down after school and explained to her why Mummy was so upset and poor baby Jade now has no ponytail and that makes me sad and did it make her sad and she said yes, I said Mummy didn't put your Bratz in the bin she was a bad Mummy for saying that and that she can have them back in 4 sleeps if she doesn't chew anything else.

Some of the comments on here were a bit I felt like I had taken all her toys and set fire to them in the front garden or beat her round the head with them. How many times are children threatened with Santa not coming if they don't behave? I hear it constantly in the run up to Christmas, I'm not saying it's right just that I am not the only one.

No to worry I told DD2 she wasnt getting any b'day pressies. 2 days before her b'day. She still loves me. & I got her a girls world.
I let my girls play outside. On the pavement. Is that not allowed any more?

sweetkitty you are totally right I don't know what's going on with all the saintliness on MN recently displayed

Sweetkitty waves

I do this too. Because I too am not perfect - and we are both hormonal

I agree with you if she has been told then she needs to be reprimanded. I was raised this way and it did me good. Taught me respect for both people and possessions.

Some people on here seem to hide the fact that they have probably done similar things to this - it sounds much worse in most cases when it's in print as people will make their own minds up on the severity of the issue regardless of the words, so it's easily misinterpreted.
I know this seems like a waffle but just wanna let you know that you are definitely not alone in this style of reprimanding - especially the 'Santa is NIT coming if you continue this behaviour' I use that regularly - more so in the run-up to christmas. I tell my kids the cameras in the streets/shops are there to keep a close eye on them And it works. As a result they behave mostly.

See you on a/n xx

lol

Santa is NOT coming, as opposed to nit.

I think you should take her to the GP in case she does have something like pica. I knew a child who had something like this and it could became a real health hazard.

As for the toys - you lost your temper. We all do it sometimes. Don't beat yourself up about it!

SK, you are a great mum, And I would have done the same, And I'm not hormonal....Cass XX

OMG I have lost it before now and chucked ds's most adored and loved cuddly toy on the bonfire heap! He cried and worried baout slugs sliming all over it but I was MAD as sometimes happens with we mere imperfect non Stepford mothers. I sincerely doubt he will be relaying the incident with his therapist in 20 years time.

Yes, I recall 'incidences' with my own parents that upset me as a child but very few children have 'incidences' and very few parents are perfect enough not to have incidences.

I recall when my mother sold my beloved kitten (born from our female cat). I was devastated at the time.....but it didnt turn me into a serial psychopath

Explain to your DD why you were mad. She is only 5 and probably wont understand fully and it certainly wont stop her doing somethng similiar again but this is the way of things so don;t beat yourself up about it

Yes much to hard on a little girl who has just started school. She is only 5 and will not know the cost of things. A child who has just started school will often go backwards int thier behaviour and they need a lot of understanding. But please don't think you are a crap mother you just made a mistale. I would apolagise to her and give the dols back to jer.

Sweetkitty

at the responses you've had from some obviously very saintly and controlled parents!

I've done exactly the same thing with my DS (8) and DTDs (4). I give them fair warning to pick up toys/look after their stuff nicely etc, but when they continue to ignore me I have, on a couple of occasions, put all their mess into a bin bag and it's gone straight in the bin.

I don't think there's anything wrong with teaching them to look after the mass of toys and games they own, and I do this to make them appreciate what they have a little more.

At night I'll remove the bag from the (recycling!) bin and put it in the garage for a day until we've had 'the' chat, and I've apologised for being cross. Then there's always a marked improvement for several days after!

Please don't beat yourself up - you're by no means alone in taking drastic action in the heat of the moment. You're feeling 20x worse than your DD and are clearly a caring mum. Hope you find a solution to the chewing soon.

Sweetkitty, I can see that this has been going on for some time, you have nagged, warned, bribed her to stop and now you are trying to shock her into stopping. I would have done the same thing. You must be worried sick that she could choke in the middle of the night.

My daughter has kidney problems and was in an out of hospital for treatment and on medication everyday. The doctors said that all she needed to do was drink but she wouldn't. I had to nag her about every sip she took. She would go days without drinking if she could get away with it. One day, she was 6, I realised that she had been tipping her drinks away "I'm just not thirsty" she said. I sat her down and told her that she would not see Christmas, she would never be 7, that I loved her but I needed to give my son more attention as she wasn't going to be around much longer. She cried and cried. I felt awful, everyone thought I was an ogre but it was a culmination of months of nagging. From then on, thirsty or not she drank everything I put in front of her. The hospital discharged her a few months later and the medication was stopped a few months after that. I don't dare think about what would have happened if I hadn't raged at her that day.

Sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind. She has never mentioned my shouting, I don't know if she remembers, I don't like to ask. She's here, that's all I care about.

Good luck, check with your GP, I hope she stops the chewing soon. Let me know how it goes x

Sweetkitty, I don't think you did anything wrong. I would have done the same... after repeated warnings etc. Sorry, but, if going over and over why you shouldn't bite/chew certain things AND isn't working then I'm all for drastic action - it works. It's proven in my house and ours is a very happy house.

Perhaps though, as it seems, her biting and chewing is becoming a serious issue - is there some way you could find out why..?

Good luck!!

Didn't expect so many responses, well the drastic action didn't work so we are back to square one, yesterday she had one of her sisters baby toys in her mouth chewing it oh and there was something else. It really is a habit, am just going to keep telling her off and hope she grows out of it eventually. Of course DD2 has been piping up saying "DD1 chewed all my Peppa Pig jigsaw (had forgot about that one), she's always chewing, I don't chew" the minx that she is.

I really do think it's just totally ingrained into her brain she doesn't even think she is doing it, I once caught her eating dirty cat litter that made me so angry as she won't eat a lot of food like pasta but was happily crunching on filthy cat litter.

I suppose the only thing I can do is keep on and on at her about being nice to toys, the cost of things and why we shouldn't waste things.

She is not getting a single new toy until Christmas though.

Please get her checked out for a mineral deficiency by your doctor - that can cause excessive chewing of non-food items. It should be ruled out before you just hope it is a phase that she grows out of. If she is deficient in a mineral (like iron for example), then it could have consequences on her health if it isn't addressed.

I think you response was understandable out of sheer frustration but ott. If she has bought it with "her" money (ie saved up) you may have to feel less precious towards it than had it been a gift. There is nothing wrong with having an expectation that she values what she has but she is the one who is most affected by the consequences fi she doesn't. Hard though.

As to the chewing, it could be a reflex. ds has always chewed , almost unconsciously, as a way of dealing with sensory issues. It is particularly evident if he is concentrating or anxious. She is still young but keep an eye out for any other behaviour which may set her apart from her peers.

mum71 I totally agree with you, I can't believe the responses of some of the other posters, we all lose it and if anyone says they don't well I don't believe you.

The OP has said it's an on going thing, and her DD is 5 at that age they understand so much, hopefully she'll grow out of it

My DD used to pick chunks out of her lips, I mean huge big rips, until they were bleeding, I bought all sorts of creams even tryed a shimmery lip-gloss but no it carried on and her lips were so so bad looking, then one day I said "Right I'm going to stop telling you off, I've pleaded with you and that hasn't helped, so you pick your lips and whey are all infected, don't ask me for any help because I won't ok" I walked off breaking my heart, but she didn't know it, and that was it she stopped, not straight away of course, but when her hand went up to her lip I would cough and her hand went back down again with a muttered sorry

True saying,....you have to be cruel to be kind!!

We've all done OTT things (well most of us anyway)- my god we're human. My dh cut the head of ds's fave toy once in front of him (a really bad move)- but he's not scarred for life. Much worse things will happen! It's gone down as one of the many family stories.
When I was 8, I wasn't allowed to go to my own birthday party, because I'd been rude to my mum.I had to watch from the bedroom window as my dad took my friends to the park.
Never cheeked mum again (well till I was a teenager)

Only read op and oh! kitty please re-think this.

Dd1 absent-mindedly chewed all sorts of things for years. She really couldn't help it. She never really knew she was doing it. Sometimes I would get very cross (when a little pile of chewed bits of dd2's polly pockets were found) but she was almost as surprised as me when chewed things turned up.

My dh used to eat all sorts of bizarre things as a kid (and still does). Bits of rubber, peeled skin, nails, bits of paper and so on.

Please, please read up on a condition called Pica. Your LO may well be ill and you are punishing her for it, please, please take her to see your GP.

This is the first Aibu thread that I've replied to because I was worried for your daughter.

Btw, I don't think you are a bad mum at all,we all get frustrated and lose it occasionally, I have more than once threatened to block the chimney, so Santa can't get in . But would you check with your GP and update us...please?

It does sound as if she may have a problem rather than just naughtiness.It sounds as if she cant control this habit rather than that she doesnt want to.No need to buy her new toys but also no need to take away what she has-if she destroys them she will have done that herself anyway.The cat litter would set alarm bells ringing for me.It sounds like she needs a doctor not a punishment.
I dont think you are a bad mum at all just a normal loving on driven to distraction.

This is not an aibu thread

i do not think you were unreasonable
a little ott but then none of us has lived with the chewing and 5 years old is old enough to know not to

I am really tight with my dc - they dont get bought much outside of birthdays and they do look after their things

dc5 nibbles stuff - drives me nutty
xx