Bullying - day 2 at Secondary School

[maria1665]

DS1 started at a large but well regarded comp on Wednesday.

He came home very sad today to say that a group of lads were calling him names because he answered questions in class and had a posh accent.

He said it had started on day 1 and had got worse today. He ended up telling them to F off.

Is it too soon to ring the form tutor? DS1 is adamant that I shouldn't, but I get the feeling this might not go away on its own.

Advice please from those who have been through it!

I would ring the form tutor to nip this in the bud right away.

Don't let it grow.

Yep - that's what I thought. Thanks for the advice.

Just have to find a way of telling DS what I am doing and why.

I would leave it for the moment if your son feels he can handle it himself. You can keep a close eye and talk to the form tutor later if it doesn't ease up. Is he enjoying the new school apart from having to deal with this or is it overshadowing everything for him?

First day - he came home bubbling with enthusiasm. Day 2 - he was holding back the tears when he came in.

Looking at his timetable, there was a PE session last thing when I am guessing he came in for extra stick - he said something about this sports socks being too big and looking stupid.

I invited one of his mates over and he has cheered up.

The thing is - this isn't completely unexpected. Imagine an eleven year old David Mitchell (from Mitchell and Webb). He was very popular at his primary school because he has got such a good sense of humour - but he has the poshest accent you have ever heard, and uses long words at every opportunity. He doesn't take after me or DH - he's some throwback from landed gentry ancestors from the middle ages.

I am pretty sure some of the kids from other schools will have never encountered the like of him. I am still minded to give the tutor a ring.

at 11 year old David Mitchell.

Poor boy - that's a tough start. I agree with HerBeatitude - I think these things need to be nipped in the bud.

Oh dear. I feel this might be ds when he starts secondary school on Monday. We aren't exactly from the county set, but do speak 'a bit posh'.

Dh suffered this (albeit 30 years ago!). He went to a large comp and was picked on straightaway for being posh. Even worse, his form teacher colluded with the tormentors to curry favour and did impressions of dh whenever he spoke in class. Dh says he wishes his mother had said something. I know times were different then, but she just brushed off his complaints, even when he was afraid to walk home because he'd get set upon, and said that the bullies were just 'jealous'. But still dh says that his first year at secondary school was the worst year of his life.

I think he sounds lovely - so sorry he is having a rough time. I have no advice but am dreading this stage and really feel for you.

I think one of my reasons for going in straight away, is that the teacher will be in no doubt that you will be on to any bullying immediately and so s/he will be on to it immediately as well, to get you off his/ her back.

I made the mistake of waiting and seeing with my DS and not wanting to be an hysterically over-reacting pushy parent on the "nightmare parents I dread to see" teacher's list, but all it achieved was over 2 years of DS being bullied and it never really being addressed. I wish I'd been a nightmare pushy parent now.

(Not saying that will happen in your DS's case, btw, but adding it into the mix to bear in mind.)

I have a 10 year old Sherlock Holmes. I'm not sure which school he's going to next week as I've not been able to sort one out for him and he was being bullied at the old one. It's horrible for parents, I really feel for you

Get it sorted now. Our girl was bullied by three children for about four months before she told me why she didn't want to go to school every day. She was five at the time. IMHO, I think that this has shaped her despite moving from Thailand to Europe. She is now lacking in self confidence except when she's at home and, to a certain extent, has victim written all over her. I got so fucking angry at the reaction from her previous school to this bullying (NONE!) that I phoned the parents of the bully's. All but one responded positively, the lone 'oh let them sort it out' child had an intimate conversation with me along the lines of 'if you carry on doing what you are doing to my daughter you'll find your legs broken'. Not big, not clever but effective.

I would also speak to/email the form tutor now even if your son doesn't want any action taken. At least the teacher is then aware of what is going on so if your son completely loses his rag one day and hits one of the bullies or swears at them in hearing of a teacher, they will know it may have been provoked. If it becomes more serious, they will also know that it has been going on for some time when action does need to be taken.

Thanks for all your responses.

DS has asked me not to speak to his form teacher, and I promised him that I wouldn't yet.

But being a duplicitious mum, I have left a message to speak to her - just to flag the matter up, as opposed to asking her to take any positive action at this stage.

If it sorts itself out - great. It will be great for DS's confidence, and part of the secondary school experience is learning to deal with life.

But, if I have to make a follow up call in a week or so, because trouble is still going on - then at least I can refer to my earlier call.

That sounds like a good compromise, Maria. I hope everything eases up for your son and thet the boys back off.