How would you handle this?

[brutusbaldwin]

In brief...dd1 9 has had a lovely group of friends since y3. Six all together and mix and match within that group iyswim. In the last couple of months before the end of term, four of these girls 'went off' with another girl from their year. My dd was upset, and didn't like this girl for some reason. She is happy with the remaining girl and very close, but won't play with the pthers at all now. It's her bday coming up, and have said she could have 6 friends to do something with. She only wants this one girl. She says the others won't speak to her and she has tried.

I have told her to be nice to everyone, done the talk about everyone can be friends with everyone, not to put eggs in one basket etc. Becaause these other girls have gone off, I;m wondering whether it's something my dd has done. Perhaps she is not being flexible.
I know girls are bitchy. I don't want to interfere, I am friends with all the mums. But am really worried about this. WWYD?
Would appreciate some advice. Nearly phoned the mums up last night to ask for their'girls' side of it. Feel like I am on DD back all the time about it.

This happens all the times with girls . I think if you invited all the girls plus the one that the four went off with to a party it would all work out in the long run .

Not much help, but think I would be tempted to do the opposite and if she really only wanted to invite the one girl, I would do that and then do something that works well with just 2 and maybe a bit more expensive than you would do with 6.

My ds is only 6 but I have spent a lot of time trying to facilitate his somewhat on/off relationships with friends. I think oiling the wheels of friendship is one thing but forcing her to have people she does not want is quite different.

Godd luck with it all.

fwiw I was a one-friend girl for years (different 'ones' at primary and secondary), couldn't cope with gang dynamics

9 is a perfect age to have one special friend for a sleepover IMO

I would just invite the one girl she wants after all its her birthday,and i wouldnt speak to the parents in case it makes matters worse (girls can be bitchy).It could be that she has just outgrown these friends.

Thanks for you replies. I suppose me wanting her to ask others, was that it would break the stalemate. Show that she wanted to be friends with everyone.

I think also that I might be more sensitive about it than she is! I just want her to be happy and liked and have healthy relationships!

I will see how it goes in the nxt few days.