What do you say when your lovely friend tells you she's doing controlled crying on her 4 month old because she wakes to feed every 4 hours?

[thatsnotmybelly]

This is NOT a judgy thread. I am genuinely interested in what you say when your friends make choices that really stick in your throat.

Do you speak your mind?
Polite smile?
Tight lipped smile?
Fake gushing so they'll never know you're secretly appalled?

My friend is lovely, and a great mum. She is doing controlled crying on her (very placid and 'easy') 4 month old because her paediatrician told her that it wasn't necessary for her to wake to feed every 4 hours overnight.

I did say I thought every 4 hours was pretty normal, in fact pretty good, but friend said that as the baby was now on solids in the evening she ought to be sleeping through.

I very mildly mentioned that I thought breastmilk had more calories, but to take it any further would definitely have left friend feeling got at and it is not my business to criticise my friend.

But, (and I realise that many people think otherwise) I really do think that letting a 4 month old cry for milk is awful. I think expecting a 4 month old to sleep through is completely unrealistic. I think 4 months is too young for solids. I think she should jolly well feed her baby and put up with feeling tired.

(I wish my 16 month old could be relied upon to sleep for 4 hours!)

But then I don't doubt that the little girl is utterly loved and looked after and happy.

Do you find it easy to do your own thing and let others do theirs?

Or is there a point at which you say what you think, and if so where is that point and how do you do it?

Apologies, I realise my post is a bit off-topic...

As DD had undiagnosed silent reflux for the first 6 months of her life and only stopped crying when asleep or propped upright in the crook of my arm being marched up and down the hallway (which with the best will in the world I could not do 24-7), it upsets me no end to read this C&P job & think DD might somehow be brain-damaged/emotionally disturbed because of her first six months.

Hey, if I didn't already feel a shit mother from reading that Chat thread about BF/FF - I was told to stop bfing DD at 8 weeks because otherwise she'd end up brain-damaged (jaundice-related) then I would now...

Think I might leave off MN for a while, it's not doing my depression any good at all...

I did controlled crying and me and my son are as close as two peas in a pod. Its a personal choice and not one that either side should sit in judgement of.

Where's the OP then?
Has the CC worked? Does her lo sleep through now?

To answer the question in general terms:
I think it's hard to maintain a friendship when parenting styles are so different.
Hard but not impossible, as long as you keep your opinions to yourself.