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Original poster

5 week old will not stop crying unless I hold him. Any ideas??

97 replies

Cillapops · 18/08/2009 11:50

Please help! My 5 week old son cries almost constantly unless I hold him in which case he stops almost immediately. He is not hungry or ill and has a fresh nappy. He won't settle in a bouncy chair or cot. The car works but obviously I can't do that all the time as I have things to do and a toddler to look after.

Anyone else had a similar problem and any ideas how to stop him crying?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

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toddlerama · 18/08/2009 23:23

Another Kari-me fan here! I can still use it for a 2 year old if I have to and they love snuggling in when they're little. It's so stressful trying to balance the needs of a newborn and a toddler, but I'm pretty sure my DD1 doesn't remember those neglectful weeks...

It will pass! My mum and sisters were a huge help after DH had to go back to work and knowing that someone else was making her feel special meant I could concentrate on comforting and bonding with DD2. House was a bio-hazard though. I'm afraid if there is a way to avoid that, I have not found it.

wotzy · 18/08/2009 23:28

lol @ velcro babies, good way to describe the feeling. I think it was a test of my patience. dd1 was also 2 weeks early, couldn't wait to say hello. TBH I'm now ready for almost anything and a much calmer person. I often can be found chatting "it will pass" to myself.

applepudding · 18/08/2009 23:46

My DS cried an awful lot when he was very small and I sympathise with you. I used to take him on very long walks to get him off to sleep (we'd walk round and round Safeway if it was raining!) but I realise that you cannot do this if you have a toddler.

I agree with what others have said about a baby carrier/sling - I used one of these around the house so I could get a bit of housework done and it did help, as did introducing a dummy.

Is your baby putting weight on? I think in retrospect one reason that DS cried was because he was hungry, he was a very slow feeder and used to drop off to sleep when feeding. when he had lost weight at his 8 week check up I was advised to supplement breast feeding with a bottle, and I think that this really did help him become more content.

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gingernutlover · 19/08/2009 08:25

my dd was like this and is still very cuddly now at nearly 4 years!

You may well be right when you say there's nothing wrong, some babies just need physical contact.

In the end I had to teach her that it was okay not to be held and there were tears but had I faithfully picked her up every single time she cried I would have gone doolally!

She also hated bouncy chairs, door bouncers, rockers, mats, pushchairs, cribs and cots unless she was actually asleep.

crockydoodle · 19/08/2009 08:59

TRy swaddling. Costs nothing. Wrap up tightly in one of those cellular blankets.

juuule · 19/08/2009 09:07

As Crocky says, swaddling costs nothing. Worth a try. But it does have to be a tight swaddle.
Other than swaddling, I just used to carry mine around ususally up on one shoulder where they could look around.

bubbleymummy · 19/08/2009 09:22

I don't think anyone else has covered this...

You don't mention how your ds is fed. I cried a lot as a baby and it was put down to being fussy. Mum and dad had to take turns holding me during the night so that they could get some sleep. It was only when I was about 3 that they found out I had a dairy allergy and I had been crying because the formula was giving me a sore tummy. If you are bf try cutting out all dairy from your diet for a couple of weeks (don't worry - you can get calcium from other sources )and see if it makes a difference - it did for my ds who seems to have the same thing I did and even at 3yo can't handle milk v well. If you are ff there are non-dairy versions available but you will need to speak to your doctor about them. HTH

juuule · 19/08/2009 09:25

Bubblymummy - op says her baby "normally sleeps brilliantly at night ".

DawnAS · 19/08/2009 09:30

Cillapops, my LO was the same (she's 10 weeks old now). She always slept through the night but was awake most of the day and I felt like I couldn't get on with anything.

But, TBH, I prefer it that way to being awake all night, because you would still need to get housework and stuff done, so you would have NO sleep at all.

I was worried about causing myself problems because of holding her all the time through the day, so I asked my great HV who said that at that age, it really doesn't cause any problem to feel like you're constantly cuddling them. It hasn't done my DD any harm at all as now, at 10 weeks, she still sleeps through the night but will also sit in her bouncy chair in the day without grizzling. She just chatters to herself and is so happy. She's my first baby aswell so I really had no idea.

Things will get easier soon, but I was told to cherish these times when they want holding, because all too soon they won't want the cuddles as much anymore!!

Good luck!!

xxx

imaginewittynamehere · 19/08/2009 13:28

I feel your pain - it is only temporary but small babies do like to be held - as others have said they have been constantly "held" by you for 9 months most don't suddenly adapt to being alone overnight.

Sling - I'ms till carrying 8kg dd2 with no problems in the close baby carrier - only a v short learning curve with it so great if you are not a commited slinger . You can hire one to find one that suits you & ds.

I also second letting your toddler watch more cbeebies/dvd's than normal, I'm slowly weaning dd1 off the huge amounts of tv she watched whilst dd2 (now 6 months) was tiny.

Easy jigsaws & new books/toys that I could play with dd1 with one hand were great too

Finally lower your expectations of doing other things. At 5 weeks it took all my energy & time to look after dd1 & 2

smackapacka · 19/08/2009 13:29

Oh yes - my niece cried terribly until her parents discovered it was lactose intolerance. The minute it was cut out things changed.

Dontbringlulu · 19/08/2009 15:57

Hi my babyis now 6 mths but a short life time ago she was just like this. It did pass at about 9 weeks?? Really have no idea why. She is now the most settled baby l thought about colic and milk problems but l really changed nothing and it just seemed to settle. She also slept well on a night. Everyday can seem very long but it does pass. Also my baby was 2 weeks late and a good 9lb so l wondered about that too. You think of everything. In the end l just had to give up and hold her and we (older two too) watched a lot of telly. Think l made it harder on myself worrying about toddler being bored when really she was just happy to sit with us. Also get partner to cook meals and have picnics on the floor. Good luck

imaginewittynamehere · 19/08/2009 18:52

I should imagine if ds stops crying when he is held things like lactose intolerance could be ruled out. Hopefully it will pass in a few weeks - in the meantime there are grteat suggestions here.

beepbeep · 20/08/2009 12:38

I would also suggest it may be silent reflux, DS was 10.1lb and would scream for 12 huors a day, be a nightmare to feed and was actually losing weight due to him burning off all the calories carying. A sling (I had the Closer) was only thing that helped until it was diagnosed at about 3 months and we tried various meds and founds something that worked.

Millenniumbug · 20/08/2009 16:39

Hi. My first cried and cried. I soley breastfed, gave up all dairy myself, gave colic medicine, everything! I got fed up of people saying, "What is wrong with that baby?" Once I was in Mothercare, this creature appeared from nowhere, stuck her head in the pram and said, "Oh, MY baby never cries!" I just replied, "Thank you for sharing that with me." I worried myself silly, then about 11 weeks, he just settled and the crying stopped. My second baby didn't go through it at all. I still don't know why the crying was so bad - my DS is just about ready to start secondary school and is a great kid, so just hang in there. All the best!

neversaydie · 20/08/2009 17:14

DS was a clingon. I kept him in his Baby Bjorn carrier most of the time, and co-slept at night. Otherwise i would have had no sleep at all.

The battery operated swing helped when he was a little older. As did time in and of itself. He is a very independent 10 year old now - although he would still happily co-sleep if his father would let him!

gemgem83 · 21/08/2009 10:14

my son is six weeks old and he has had alot of problems. i have found that coleaf has helped with colic and gaviscon infant has helped with silent reflux. he also likes cuddles, and found that a sling sends him straight off to sleep. he is also quiet when he has a warm bath with bedtime oil in it, and he loves me rubbing his feet with olive oil. in the day i get out as much as possible as he loves fresh air and laying in the park, looking up at the trees. just alot of trial and error

TurtleAnn · 21/08/2009 13:11

The microwave worked with my son - we used to sterilise bottles on the 6-min microwave cycle for a 6-min break in the crying.

Other than that we stuck him in the Baby Bjorn, day or night and went for a 15 minute walk. It worked a treat. There cant be anything seriously wrong with the Baby Bjorn or there would have been court cases sueing them and John Lewis wouldn't stock them. Besides, my DS loves it.

My DS had reflux, kept throwing up if we laid him down, cried if we laid him down. We now have the bed on bed blocks to tilt it and he isn't sick in the night anymore. I went for conservative management rather than medication and it worked.

redblue · 21/08/2009 14:28

Totally and 110% empathise. My 9 month old had terrible colic for first 3-4 months. If she was not feeding or sleeping she was crying. The only things which worked were sling (karime stretchy material thing)(this was the only thing to get her to sleep apart from the car), infacol didn't work for her, dentinox was much better and gripe water also helped get a burp up.
I also cut out every possible alleged "allergy" type food as I was breastfeeding and my husband did seem to think that when I cut out all dairy (including milk which I replaced with oak milk which is surprisingly pleasant)that things improved a bit.
The only other thing i can say is you deserve a medal coping with that and a toddler and it will pass (it will pass will not help too much i know but sometimes it helps a bit to remember they grow out of it)

BiscuitStuffer · 21/08/2009 20:26

Your sling may not be set up properly if it's hurting your back - at that weight, you should be able to carry him for ages without a problem.

They need to be much tighter on your body than you think.

nappyaddict · 23/08/2009 09:52

Get a second hand swing

Friends of mine have got the Graco Sweetpeace, Fisher Price Soothing Motions Glider and the Fisher Price Dwell Studio swing.

lowrib · 23/08/2009 10:02

The type of sling makes a massive difference. My 7.5mo DS is 29lb (13kg) and I can still carry him in an Ergo baby carrier. I haven't been able to use the Baby Bjorn for months and months - and now I've tried others I'd never use it again (if I ever need a new baby sling again that is!).

For your little one, I'd recommend a wrap sling, they're great, it should make all the difference - your DS can get the contact he needs and you can get on with things,

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