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Parenting

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Original poster

That was the worst playdate ever.

16 replies

alittlebitshy · 14/08/2009 18:12

My dd (6) had a school friend over this afternoon. I am reluctant to do this very often as she can be horrendous - bossy, sulky - you name it.

Well, this started off well but dd started getting niggly and moany and a bit rude and just before the end dd was being vile and ended up having a screaming tantrum on the floor.

I am on my knees and want to know what we have done wrong and what can we do? Help!

She can be a lovely little girl - she is very bright, articulate, funny, sweet BUT there is this monster that becomes unleashed. She has said before that it scares her and she doesn;t know how to deal with it, but it seems to get worse not better.

Am i too shouty? is that it?? I must be a terrible mother

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danthe4th · 14/08/2009 18:15

How long was the playdate for? I only ask as 2 hours can be enough for my son, he gets to the point when he just wants a bit of peace and time to himself.

ninja · 14/08/2009 18:16

No solutions really but it happens to me too.

Things that can help, have some activities, some food (can combine and decorate bread buns to make pizza), ..

I sympathise it's not your fault

TotalChaos · 14/08/2009 18:16

don't flog yourself. we all have moments when we want to die of shame because of what our kids have said or done. two pronged attack to sort this out 1)stress the importance of being polite to guests etc and better ways to calm down than to tantrum on the floor and 2)try and nip things in the bud before they go wrong - e.g. have a structured activity or have the playdate shorter or outside your house - whatever works best.

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ninja · 14/08/2009 18:17

Meant to say DD is 6 too - I think it's a hard age wanting to be independent without the ability.

I agree at the end of 2 hours we often have meltdown

Oh yes maybe schedule some quiet (watching TV?) time

bigTillyMint · 14/08/2009 18:21

Sometimes children find it very hard to cope with another in their house - have you tried taking them to somewhere neutral to do an activity like swimming or bike-riding or playing in a paddling pool....

Is she an only? She may find it really hard to share her things and space and you - I know I did at that age, (only!) even though I REALLY wanted to have friends round.

Also, does she normally get on well with the friend? If she is trying to make an effort to get on with a friend who is really different to her, maybe it's just too hard for her to keep on being a good hostess?

Original poster

alittlebitshy · 14/08/2009 18:29

She WAS an only until she was 5.2, then we had ds who is now just a year. She loves him more than I could have imagined (I am an only so this is a big thing for me) and is so good with him - she sometimes gets a bit narky when he is inot he stuff but is mostly better than i hoped.

This ia a newish girl at school who is an only but a very quiet, reserved only who is clearly treated like an adult and did not get it when dd was trying to make ds laugh when they were all eating.

It was just under 3 hours - and althoughs he got niggly after about 1.5 hours uit was just at the end the meltdown happened.

they did beady things earlier and played in the garden but dd is so darn competetivie and even if she isn;t the best, she thinks she is or says she is.
sorry for typos - ds is trying to wreck ther study and pull the modem out!!

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Miggsie · 14/08/2009 19:15

DD has a competitive friend and we avoid playdates like the plague.

They do dance classes together but myself and the other mum don't do playdates with them anymore as it just ends up as a competitive screaming marathon.

So far we have had 2 friends who are fine on playdates, and two others who come over and it descends into the 4th pit of hell.

ninja · 14/08/2009 21:15

wow - just like my daughter, she was an only 'til 5.4!

LittleMissTuffet · 14/08/2009 23:05

Just jumping in to defend onlies - which seems to be my mission on MN . My DD is an only, isn't treated like an adult, knows how to share and knows how to have great fun on a playdate however long it lasts. So there!

TheDailyMailHatesWomenAndLemon · 15/08/2009 00:47

I think the short-term solution is to make a mental note to only have 1.5 hour playdates for the next year or so.

TheDailyMailHatesWomenAndLemon · 15/08/2009 00:52

Sorry, posted too soon. It's the old "plan for success" mantra -- if you know what your child's flashpoints are then plan to avoid them, at least when they are small, and everyone's life is a lot easier.

Original poster

alittlebitshy · 16/08/2009 19:37

littlemisstuffet. I hope that made you feel better cos you certainly made me feel worse. How wonderful that you have a perfect child - perhaps steer clear of threads where people are asking advice about something you have no experience of!!!!

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OldDoe · 16/08/2009 19:43

I think the trick is to limit it to two hours and have 4 or 5 handy distractions at the ready - arty/crafty stuff works here, particularly hamma beads and clay modelling!

The other top trick is to take everyone to the park for a play date - just seems to work much better.

That competitive thing was HUGE with my DS and it drove me NUTS but it's really tappered off just recently as he's grown into his own skin and so have many of his friends. He is now 8.

Oddly, my DD who is 6, doesn't bother with the competitive stuff but I think that's because even she got bored of it whilst DS was going through it. It is very common though.

leavinglondon12 · 17/08/2009 17:55

alittlebitshy, thank you for sharing your experience with us. Although I am sorry for what you are going through, I am ever so happy to know that I am not the only one going through 'hell' with my boy (3+yrs). He was an only until sister came in Feb this year. His sterness and tantrums have increased dramatically. His daring 'nos!' has also multiplied a million folds. We have had a number of friends over for dinner -which we thought was a grand idea-given that they have children the same age who can play with my son but God knows how embarrased we have been on these ocassions. His unwillingness to share and love for arguments etc is just unbearable. Hence my reason for searching the net for answers. I too question whether my husband and I 'shout' too much. I am so desperate to make this better.

TheDailyMailHatesWomenAndLemon · 17/08/2009 20:15

Did you get more fallout from cancelling today's visit?

Original poster

alittlebitshy · 18/08/2009 11:47

sSe was massively upset all weekend about Monday's cancellation but by the time Monday came she was a lot calmer. I let her phone her friend last night to chat and apologise for leting her down. Ironically the mum invited the girl we had had over on friday over instead of dd! She really learnt her lesson from that i think.

dh is adament (sp ) we need to continue having children over but i am scared of similar meltdwons.

I will be heeding all this advice re SHORTER play dates though.

Thanks all.

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