Do you tell your 9yo dd about BJs?!

[Jux]

We were watching a John Travolta film - dd was meant to be in bed. At one point in the film this guy was being given a bj. Suddenly a little voice pipes up "What's that lady doing to that man?".

What would you say?

DH said he'd tell her when she was older. I had my computer on and was multi-tasking, so kept my head down with big grin on my face.

She won't let it go, I know. DH has said there is no way he is telling her about blow jobs; if she asks me I can say I wasn't watching so don't know, but I'm not sure copping out is a good thing to do; on the other hand I can't think of a way to describe it which won't disgust her. And the guy also had a gun to his head so I can't get away with stuff about "within a loving relationship" either.

Bother bloody bother.

she was giving him a kiss? on his pants?

personally I would think that film wasn't appropriate for a 9 year old. I know she was meant to be in bed but guns and BJ's? not acceptable.

I'd go the "giving him a kiss" line as well....

HBoB, I think Jux is asking for a bit of advice and support, not a judge. DC can sneak up and see something that you'd rather they hadn't - even before you have realised they are around. Well, it happens in my world as well as yours Jux....

i would just tell her that its not something she would understand now but will when she is older and you will discuss it with her when she is ready to know. agree with kids sneaking up, we used to sneak into mums room all the time to watch tv when she was downstairs.

Thanks people. I'll go the kiss route I think.

Hangingbellyofbabylon, presumably that means that dh and I are condemned to watching CBBC until dd leaves home? Reminds me of this:

When dd had just started reception, doing half-days, there was a day when they came out late. I said to my friend, while waiting in the playground, "they'd better let them out soon, poor dd will be starving, she refused to eat breakfast this morning." A woman standing with us tossed her head and declared "I would never let my children leave the house without eating breakfast" and stomped off. (She never spoke to me again. Sometimes I would join her group and talk to her just to watch her ignoring me pointedly!)

I have often wondered if she would force-feed her kids if they ever refused breakfast, or whether they were so scared of her they wouldn't dare.

I wonder if Hangingbellyofbabylon could enlighten me on how she keeps her kids in bed when they're independent 9yo who decide they want a drink?

I know what film you mean and its a pretty graphic sex with the sex and violence mixed together. Its hardly something you would choose for your nine year old to watch so no need for the judging really.

Not sure a kiss really covers what she would have seen though.

sex scene

Try the kiss thing and if that doesn't work erm .... yeah not sure on the answer to that one

tell her the lady was eing sick in the mans lap?

she lost her earring up his arse?

he nicked her monster munch and hid them in his Y-fronts?

You could just say "she was trying to distract him so that he'd fail the challenge".

I don't think that scene is the context in which one would choose to introduce the concept, so I think copping out is a reasonable strategy.

He had a splinter in his thigh and we all know how it's soo much easier to get a splinter out with your teeth.

You were watching swordfish, which is a 15 and yes, u will be consigned to more child friendly stuff until your 9 year old is old enough, although watching scenes like that with mid-late teens is cringe inducing too

I would personally tell her what a BJ is. 9 is old enough to have sex education and I always feel you answer a question when they are asked. You don't have to say sucking but a woman kisses a man on the penis and it feels very nice for him. Then I would explain a man can kiss a womans vulva and that feels nice for her. And it is usually done between a couple in a loving relationship/married and is part of sex. As she has seen this film and seen, I think I would add, that the man was mixed between feeling very nice and scared of the gun, which is why the scene is like that

I wouldn't shy away from it

or she had a piece of her dinner stuck in her teeth and couldnt find her floss.

The opportunity to bury it was lost the moment your DH uttered the words 'we'll talk when you are older' ! Just continue the strategy and try to stop it becoming bigger issue than what it is ...

Oh I like being sick in the mans lap!

I'm loving 'fail the challenge'

"She was eating a hotdog that the man was holding in his lap"

Jux wasn't watching the film with her DD, though -- she was watching it with her DH after her DD was in bed but then her DD got up to get a drink. Are people really saying that Jux and her DH can only watch U or PG rated films even at 11 at night when the children in bed?

Personally, as a perfect parent in every way , I have a sports bottle of water in DS's room so that he doesn't need to get up to get a drink. Granted, this was in a spirit of "remove all possible sources of procrastination over bedtime" rather than with a view to keeping him out of the range of the television at night, but clearly there will be other advantages to this in the long term...

Ah yes P&L, she has water in her room. The drink was an excuse (she wanted tea!) as she had woken up and had a wander "to find the kittens".

Luckily she's had a friend round all day and is unlikely to ask while the friend's here; tomorrow she and dh are off camping so he's going to have to deal with it, unless she waits until they get back (very likely).

I like the sick in the lap - the guy was fully dressed - so she might actually believe that.

Normally, I do answer questions as they come up without embarrassment, but these particular circumstances just made it a bit more difficult.

Bloody kids